Dating a man 16 years older then myself

Amanda, when I was 25 I was involved with a man who was 38 and it was fine. And I was married to a man 10 years older. Men exactly my age or younger have never worked out for me. If you and he are happy, then who cares what anyone thinks!!

hey there am 19 and am dating a 35 year old man, i love him or at least i think i do and i want to break the relationship because if my family get to know about it am as good as dead but at the other hand i don’t want to break it because i live being with him, he understands me more than they do at home and he also respects them but am scared of what will happen if they get to know about us and what if he changes…? i have never dated someone who is almost double my age…am starting to think that am possessed or something please help me

My opinion is, is you really want to be with him then give him chance!
I am currently dating someone who is 20 years older than me, i love it so far. Yes all my surroundings think its bad but they’re not the ones in the relationship, i am!
Therefore to your parents start warming them up to the idea, of what would happen if you were to date an older guy blah blah start making little comments here and there so eventually if you guys end up together in the long term they are warmed up to the idea. For example i started telling my parents about girls who date older men blah blah of course as a mother my mother started getting suspicious if i was dating an older man, so when she asked i answered yes, many questions followed after that but at the end of the day my parents agreed and now im in a very happy relationship and my parents are my biggest support.

I think if you don’t have parents and you find a man who’s older, you can get the stability and support from his age that you’re missing.

But also you’re only 19. You’re probably a bit vulnerable. Just keep your eyes and ears open. Make sure this is a good man you can trust.

My mother met my father when she was 19 and he was 29 and separated, not even divorced! But he make a big effort to win her family over. The familty were delighted by the time they got married.

Just make sure you are trusting a man like my father and not someone who will use your innocence against you. Your family will come round if they see he’s a good man and you’re happy.

But you do seem a bit alone in this. Listen to all views. Positive and negative. It helps to keep your mind balanced. You instinctively know what’s right when you hear it.

I’ve always been attracted to older guys and would have no issue dating someone who was 16 years older. However, as Sherri pointed out, when you date someone who’s 40 I think it’s very important that you find out quickly what both of you want from the relationship. It just has to get more serious quicker when you’re dealing with an age difference like that. Do you want kids? Does he? Does he already have kids? Are you ok with that? And so on.

It sounds like you two have a great connection. Don’t listen to what your friends say – a majority of people would never date someone that much older than themselves (or so they say until they meet that special someone and all their previous concerns suddenly don’t matter – I’ve seen that happen far too many times!), so how would they understand? Just explain to them that you love this man and that you don’t need their judgment in your life. You will then see who your real friends are.

I actually have a friend who met her current husband when she was 24 as well. I remember she told me how she just knew he was the one, and 3 months after they met they started trying for a baby (she knew she had trouble getting pregnant, so they needed help and wanted to start trying right away). Today they are happily married with two kids, and everything just happened super quickly for them, but they have the greatest relationship and love each other very much!

So if you love this man, figure out where both of you stand on issues like living together, when you want kids and marriage and take it from there. If you both want the same thing, go ahead.

I wish you all the best

Xx Melody

Yes we both want to get married and have a beautiful little family , thank you for the advice it really helps a lot to get someone else’s opinion into this kind of situations. Honestly yes I have friends who judge my relationship but on the end theirs are a lot worse. I really do love my boyfriend and he is a very respectful caring trustworthy man, and there’s not that many of those type of man left in this world anymore. So yes I believe I made the right decision on having a relationship with him and how I feel about this .

Look at Emmanuel Macron, French President. He’s married to a woman 24 years his senior and that’s worked. It is imperative though that conversations take place regarding family, children and future aspirations.

First : forgive my english because I’m still learning english. I hope you’ll understand though!
I really thing some of your friends just want to protect you. there are not all “judgy”, they might just want you to not get trapped into and unhealthy , unbalanced and abusive relationship! Because , at your age , you shouldn’t be with this kind of man. you are just too young for that. He is with you because of your yoouth. I’m sorry but a healthy 40 year old men , shouldn’t be looking at women under 35 . Because at 24 , you are still finding yourself whereas he is already etablished. He perfectly knows what he wants, you don’t! ( because if you do, you would had never commented here)

I’m saying that by experience. I’m actually dating a 30 year old man and I will just be 20 in a month. As we are melanated ,physically, I look like a 14 year old and he like a 17 year old. So physically, he is like an athlete , still very strong, sportive and so on… But mentally everyone is saying that I do speak like a 25 because I’m able to have more great deep conversations that superficial ones.

My mom is okay with that, she is 36. But all the men in my life , starting from my dad, uncles they just can stand that. Why ? not because of me , but him! they are scared! They have their vision of men, used to be manipulative , players , fool and whatever. some still. so if you are surrended by this king of men , there is nothing more natural that not wanting that for you and rejecting it. If you were 35 dating a 50 , it would be okay or as you are a 24 dating a 34 , it would be perfect. But 16 is too much as you are still young and he is olding

I think any woman who is dating a considerably older man should look for some important points:

Is he single?

If he is divorced, how long was he divorced before you met him? Sometimes when men are back in the dating pool they will definitely try to meet women much younger, sort of an ego boost for them.

Has he introduced you to his family and friends? This applies especially if you have been dating for a few months or more. If he has children, he might want to hold back considerably longer for you to meet them, which is a good idea generally.

Does he seem controlling and/or condescending? Some older men like younger women because they are often naive in the ways of the world.

I know that it is not other people’s’ business about how they think of our choice of partners, but it is a good idea to consider some of the things they might want to tell you, especially the older people in your life. At 19, you are very young.

Trust me, love is wonderful but you need so much more. Look, I am old enough to be your grandmother, in fact I am a great grandmother. I have my beautiful (step) granddaughter living with us for the summer. She is 19 and if she was dating a 40 year old, my husband and I would be very concerned.

I think you should learn to not care about what others thing but what works for you when it comes to love. There are many couples that others think are mismatched and they are the best couples that can be. This can manifest in many ways, I have friends where the guy is like twenty centimeters shorter than his wife and many laugh at them but they are really happy with kids, great couple and they do not care about it at all.

When I first dated a much older man, think 16 years, I used to be ashamed publicly in the beginning also because he was very wealthy and many would think I am after his money which I did not know about in the beginning and did not care anyhow. The relationship ultimately failed in part due to the fact that people started telling him that I was after his money, also I was much better looking than him. But he was the first guy I chose not based on looks and other external factors and the chemistry was great.

I dated several other older men and they worked the best for me. What is hard is that there can be a cultural gap, they also want different things in life, are in a different life stage, many do not really want a family anymore, even more baggage. The worst is that most of these guys have narcissistic tendencies and can be quite controlling.

Still, I did not often have a good relationship with a guy my age, I had one. The others did not really work for me. Younger is a disaster to me. Only for something casual if you may.

Care about what and who makes you happy, not what others tell you that should make you happy.

It would be better if you made your own post instead of posting on an old thread. Anyway, I don’t think you are being honest with what you are asking: is it possible to live the life of a young 20 something if you are dating a man in his late 30s? Well some of it. You can go to college and go out with your friends. But obviously you won’t date around like he did. In certain ways you will mature more than your age as you guys build a life together. Do you want kids? Did you think about when to have them? If you want to wait he will be an old father which comes with risks. Basically, marrying someone this much older comes with lots of draw backs especially when you will one day care for him in his old age, assuming it lasts. But if it doesn’t (and there is a big chance it doesn’t) then you might think you “lost” your early 20s with him. You need to decide what you think is right…

I am married now seven years to a most loving, kind, considerate man who is 16 years my senior, our relationship has been tested by his family’s disapproval, two miscarriages, depression (me) and a couple of medical scares (him). All this has made our relationship stronger, and I still fancy the arse off him. Go with your heart and gut feeling, I did and I have never regretted it for one minute