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- This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 2 years, 9 months ago by
Lane.
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Nala
I’m dating a new guy after a month breakup. At first I don’t want to meet him. But he seems like serious and reliable person make me to try to meet him.
Our first meet up, was fine he want to know everything about me family, work and daily routine. Even he tell me all about his family and work. He also tell me he want serious relationship not just a boyfriend/ girlfriend. He want this relationship work further until marry.
If I’m not in the same think, he don’t mind if I walk away from him. Because he don’t want to waste my time and his time.
And I accept to get to know him more. He is totally different than my Ex. He knows what he want, always texting and he is a family type person always saying about future.
But he is thinking to much on how we will go through our marry together. He is taking everything seriously from financial until family. I always have to make him relax and not thinking too much.
Sometimes I’m thinking that I should end this relationship before it’s too late. Am I thinking the right things? What should I do?
Maddie
You need to think about if you’re comfortable here. Is he looking for a WIFE so hard that he’s not that interested in actually getting to know YOU as a person? Are you feeling pressured? Is he anxiously trying to steer and control a situation which can’t actually be controlled?
Someone can know what they want, check that you’re looking for the same thing if it’s the right person, then lean away from the wedding talk and focus on getting to know you before making future plans. That’s not a waste of time as long as there’s no obvious dealbreakers / incompatibilities coming up. It’s getting to know each other, which is the point of dating. If he seems to be rushing instead of letting things happen organically, instead of building trust and a good foundation together over time, not respecting what you want, and you realize you’re not so comfortable with his approach or speed (and he doesn’t adjust it if you talk to him about how you’re feeling), then it’s a sign you probably aren’t compatible.
Lane
I think you need to be single for awhile. Like they say “the pathway to love is very narrow” whereas your ex is still blocking it as you haven’t fully grieved or processed the breakup and trying to fill the void with someone else isn’t the solution.
It sounds like this guy is desperate to find a wife, and that’s not healthy either. Its good to have a goal, such as marriage, but at the same time it shouldn’t be to the point one forgoes all the steps to get there by getting to know each other naturally (organically) and is treating it more like an interview process, which is probably why he’s failing to achieve it.
In a nutshell, the two of you are in opposite mindsets and that’s not how you form a solid foundation that two people can build a successful partnership upon. I would let him go and just focus on yourself for awhile as I’m sure there are some things you need to work on in order to achieve inner happiness on your own first v. trying to seek it with another man.
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