Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Dating didn’t end amicably
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 2 years, 11 months ago by
Maddie.
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Lizzy
Not really sure what I’m expecting here but just want to hear some thoughts really because it just feels awkward. Started dating a guy about a month ago, met through mutual friends on a night out. Was going really well between us and was chilled. Last weekend, I was out with friends separate to him and his friends. The night wasn’t the best and my friend went home not feeling well. I was leaving as well but as I was saw him in the bar area of the same place and went over to give him a hug. He literally told me to go away screamed at me and said I was following him and checking up on him. I left instantly and cried because it was so embarrassing and I didn’t see it coming. Anyway. I text him some not ideal things because I was drunk and really upset and felt used. I tried to talk to him so that we could just stop things amicably because we will most definitely see each other around and I don’t want to feel paranoid that I’m going to be accused of things when I’m just going about my own business. Considering we were so new I said we didn’t have to make it that deep, I liked him and was disappointed but it would be good to talk. He told me it was my fault and that I bought back memories from an ex for him. He said we can’t talk because he needs space and that my messages hurt him….. obviously this isn’t someone I’m going to continue to date but do you think he’ll ever want to clear the air or should I just prepare for some awkward encounters. This really kind of hit me in a different way, because I’m until that night I think we both though this was going to be something really good…
Liz Lemon
I’m sorry this happened to you! You realize you dodged an enormous bullet here, right? His reaction was completely disproportionate & actually kinda scary. It’s too bad that he was traumatized by his ex, but it’s not emotionally stable or healthy behavior to scream at someone you’re dating because you happen to cross paths in a public place (especially since you two run in the same social circles– it’s not surprising that you’d frequent the same bars).
HE should be apologizing to YOU here! His behavior was completely inappropriate & over the top. So you shouldn’t be begging him to talk or seeking his forgiveness. You did nothing wrong! He is in tbe wrong and owes you an apology! The fact that he’s making you out out to be the bad guy here is a red flag on top of an existing red flag (the screaming).
I’d totally block/ignore this guy from now on. I know you run in the same social circle, so you can be polite but distant when you see him. If friends ask what happened, tell them! This guy sounds like he needs therapy to get his head straight. If he feels it’s OK to do that to you after a month of dating (when people are theoretically on their best behavior), imagine how he’d have treated you if you got more deeply involved with him.
Again, I’m sorry & it sucks! Just tell yourself you’re lucky you got out when you did. I know it seemed like it was gonna be something good, but you didn’t know the guy. Now you now he has major issues and should feel glad you got away, seriously.
Raven
The guy is an @ss!
As for awkward encounters, ignore him. If he says anything, mention him screaming at you…
Honesty Rockw
Omg. You have seriously dodged a bullet here. This guy is horrible and clearly abusive. I don’t know why you would
Want to clear the air with this absolute horror but don’t be fooled if he does try in time to do this with you. If he does It’s a
Lie this guy is a monster
So block and if you run into him run away and don’t engage. Jeez.Maddie
So this is a strange coincidence, but something similar once happened to me with a guy I’d known and was dating for a few weeks that had seemed like it was going well. I was really, really confused, to the extent that I had a full blown anxiety attack when I got home (anxiety attacks are not normal for me!!) and the next morning I sent a text to talk it out. Luckily, though it didn’t feel lucky in the moment, he didn’t respond to me which gave me another day to process what happened… at the end of that day I regretted even texting and instead blocked him and never spoke to him again. Because I realized from what happened that night and other patterns I was starting to see that he had alcoholism issues, and him yelling at me over nothing in front of others, belittling me, and blaming me was abusive!
Well, a friend met him online later on and he did a sudden 180 and totally flaked out on her without warning too!!! Except he’d progressed to hard drugs by then not just alcohol. Totally unbalanced, awful guy.
He’s never apologized or cleared the air… don’t wait for that in your situation either. Even if he did, it doesn’t excuse it or stop him from doing it again. I’m sorry this guy is somewhere in your extended friend group because he’s toxic, but at least he showed you his true character pretty quickly so you can keep away.
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