Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › Dating for 3 months – walk away or confront?
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Sally.
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Raven
Ok, So i’ll try to make this as succinct as possible.
A little over 3 months ago, I met this guy on a dating app. We went on a few dates and everything was moving along nicely. I waited to have sex with him until about a month in. We’ve been seeing each other consistently about 2-3 times a week (for every 2 text convos he initiates, I would initiate one) texting every day or every other day the entirety of the 3 months.Now when i first met him, there were some red flags–he flakes whenever it came to meeting my friends and I also didn’t meet any of his friends until about a month in. Because of this, about a month or 2 in, I was ready to call it quits. I figured he only saw me as something casual. However, as time went on, I started hanging out with his friends. His friends started adding me on social media and including me. I took this as a good sign. Also I should mention, the entire time were dating, he keeps mentioning future events that we can do, things that are months down the line. Which is actually really frustrating because there are still times when he is hot and cold and it makes me wonder what he’s thinking.
Anyway, about a month ago, he got all weird on me and we didn’t see each other for a week. He would text me everyday but it would just be small talk. After about a week of this, I initiated us hanging out–what ended up happening was me coming over and us hanging out for 7 hours straight just talking. It was actually one of the first times he really opened up to me about his thoughts in general. After that things seemed to really pick up. He started texting me 2-3 times a day, taking me on dates and events etc.
Now just recently, a big festival came up in my city. He asked me to join him, so I did. I knew he had some friends visiting in town for the event that were staying with him and he said I would get to meet them. What he forgot to mention was that it wasn’t only 2-3 girls visiting (which I was aware of), it was 7 girls. Yes 7! So I arrive as this event and am introduced and the whole time, he treats me just like a friend. Now I wasn’t expecting him to be be super PDA in front of a bunch of his female friends I just met but a little affection would have been nice. Then on top of that, one of the girls was clearly vying for his attention the entire event, enough to make me feel uncomfortable. Then I hear from one of the girls that he’s apparently seeing other girls besides me.
To end the story, I spent the night with him Friday–all the girls were aware we were sleeping together. But on Saturday night he asked if I could go home so we could pass out. Then on Sunday night after the show, he said I could come over if I wanted but then flaked on me last minute saying he wanted to spend time with the girls before they left tomorrow. Asking if we could hang out later that week. When he texted me this, I was right by his house and said “ok well I guess i’ll just turn around” and he never apologized.
So now it’s been 2 days. He snapchatted me saying he hoped I was having a good day but besides that we haven’t communicated.
So heres my question: I like him, but it’s getting to the point where I can’t take his mixed signals anymore and then finding out that he’s still seeing other girls all while he’s acting like he’s sees a future with me then mistreating me in front of his female friends—it’s just really getting to me. I don’t want to have a relationship talk yet, I want it to happen naturally but now I’m starting to wonder if I should talk to him about it. We’ve never once mentioned or talked about what we are. And I also want to tell him how upset he made me by his actions.
But I kinda of just want to ignore him and move on. What should I do? Should I ignore him and start seeing other guys? But I have a feeling he has no clue that I’m upset about this past weekend and his actions. His exes have complained to him about him being selfish in the past.
I’ve always been available to him which could be the problem. Maybe I should start being more unavailable.
Sorry for making this so long but this guy is driving me crazy. I don’t know what to do!!
(The Real) Raven…
Another name stealer… :(
– not me –kimf
I think this is pretty simple. He is not your boyfriend so do not treat him like your boyfriend. That’s it. Don’t make him a priority and don’t make yourself too available. That’s such a turnoff to guys. Definitely date other men! Go see whats out there. You have to be the prize and this guy is not treating you like one. Listen to me…once you treat yourself like the prize, you will be amazed how men will treat you that way too.
kimf
and ya keep seeing him but do it with your head on right. He is not your boyfriend and does not deserve any girlfriend like behavior from you.
Hannah
Totally agree with Kim. He hasn’t done anything wrong. You didn’t say you both agreed to be exclusive so I’m assuming you weren’t? If you stopped dating and started thinking of him as a boyfriend, that’s not his fault.
He does sound selfish mind you! But the key point here is he hasn’t asked for exclusivity or to be in a relationship. He would have it that’s what he wanted.
Start dating others and be less available for a bit. See how he reacts to that.
Gemini615
It should have been discussed very early on if either one of you were looking for a relationship. And at 3 months, there should have at least been a discussion about exclusivity, especially if you are sleeping together.
That being said, I think you need to fall way back and focus your attention on dating others. I don’t like that he’s being such a ladies man after you’ve been dating him for 3 months and it doesn’t seem like he’s taking any steps to move the relationship forward in terms of commitment. I think if he wanted a committed relationship with you at all, even if not now but in the near future, he wouldn’t be entertaining other women and he wouldn’t be blowing you off like he is.
I don’t know that this is going to work out so best if you start withdrawing and start dating others
Miss independent
Fall all the way back don’t respond to his yard right away if he calls let it go to voicamail. Get busy dating other guys until he’s ready to step up with a commitment and if not move on completely…
Miss independent
Correction don’t reply to his text right away…
Sunisrising
From what you described, 3 months is reasonable amount of time to see if the relationship will progress to exclusivity/bf-gf relationship. Best case scenario is the guy initiating putting the label as by this time, he can reasonably know whether or not he wants you to be his girlfriend. However, from what I can gather based on the recent events, it’s more like he’s showing you the real him and that you’re just really ONE of the women he is dating. A man who wants to be your boyfriend will not openly party with you with those other women. He would have made sure to show then that you’re not just one of them (women he’s dating). His behavior is not a behavior of someone who is looking or planning to take the relationship to the same level that you’re looking for. It’s quite the opposite. He has done nothing wrong as he’s not committed to you. For all you know, some of those women from the group may be in the same position as you —- in the guy’s life.
I have to tell you though that he’s actions are very immature and UN-gentleman like. Ask yourself, is this the kind of man you want? You’re dating him which means you get to evaluate his character to see if it meets your standards. It’s been 3 months and he hasn’t move forward so either he’s not sure about you, he’s dating others to see who’s better for him, or he’s just a player. The best thing to do is what the ladies are saying here. You have to mirror his actions —– you should be dating other men openly, i.e., he should know that he’s got to fight for your time and presence. If he texts you, politely respond but keep busy with your life. Date others, go out with your friends. When the time comes he asks you why you’re not as available, tell him you’re dating others and tell him what you’re looking for so he knows that if he decides to come back, he would have to step up or step out but do not ever wait around for him.
From what you described about him, I personally would not want to be in a relationship with someone who is not a gentleman and emotionally immature and don’t know how to treat a friend let alone a girlfriend. When he flakes out on you the last minute and didn’t even apologize, that’s just plain RUDE in my book. I would never inconvenience a friend just so I could do what I want. I hold my friends and family with the same standards and expectations I give them. Anything less is not acceptable.
Raven
Thank you guys for all your insights. I guess I should clarify. These girls that were with us were visiting from out of town and all staying at him and his roommate’s place. They are friends of both him and his roommate. 4 of them are bestfriends/one sibling of the roommate. The other 3 were some girls they met at another festival and one of them has a thing with the roommate.
Raven
You make some very good points. I guess I should clarify. These girls that were with us were visiting from out of town and all staying at him and his roommate’s place. They are friends of both him and his roommate. 4 of them are bestfriends/one sibling of the roommate. The other 3 were some girls they met at another festival and one of them has a thing with the roommate.
Sunisrising
Even with clarification, his behavior in my book is unacceptable even we are just friends.
Loz
Your situation sounds kinda similar to mine minus the 7 girls LOL even though he does have female friends but thats another subject.
Defiantly pull away and be less available with your time. You say you havnt discussed the relationship subject because you want to see if it happened naturally. You also sound like me very laid back and easy going.
This is not good because guys will take advantage. Hes having his cake and eating it to.
So do as the other said pull away… fill your time with friends and family. Date other guys if that’s what you want. If he asks to hang out on Friday say you have plans and are only available on Sunday, make it on your terms.
:-)Gemini615
That clarification doesn’t do anything to make this sound any better…
sweetspicy
If he is not your boyfriend by 3 months, not going to be. Dump him and find someone who at 3 months is acting like a real boyfriend with a name on it.
Jessica
I agree with all the ladies – he’s not interested in a relationship and you definitely need to start dating others. He’s not a ‘bad’ guy but he’s immature and his behavior is very inconsiderate – definitely not how I would want a guy to treat me. I suspect this is not the kind of character you want in a guy – so now you’ve seen it – very illuminating.
And personally, I wouldn’t see him again – he was inconsiderate/rude, and it’s been long enough and it’s clear he’s not interested enough in you, why waste your time and risk heartbreak? Wait for a guy who would never treat you this way.
M
I think if you want to move on, you absolutely should. I don’t think it’s too strange not to have met his friends within the first few weeks, everyone moves at a different pace wit that stuff (though I think it is a good idea to meet friends early on, have both genders and different ages of friends meet him so they can tell you if you guys are good together or not…since being all infatuated with a person makes it very hard to objectively see if you are a healthy match)
anyway, this guy doesn’t sound respectful. it’s uncomfortable enough that he has so many female friends but everyone is diferent… it’s more the way he treated you that bothers me. He’s clearly not moving things forward to make you his girlfriend and at 3 months in, most men who aren’t seriously emotionally unavailable would be at least treating you like a girlfriend, if not given you the title. He is not treating you like a girlfriend and even as a friend-with-benefits he’s not even showing you the proper respect you deserve. So, if you want to be with him, pull way back. But I don’t think this guy deserves you. Find a good one who treats you like gold.
Ana
Hi yes I’ve been seeing this man for 3 months now I met him from the date site from an ad that I had out. The ad said I was looking for a decent, honest man with integrity. I also told him that I needed lots of touching not necessarily sexual but yes that too but I mean if we’re sitting on the couch I like to be touched I like to touch I like to be kissed a lot I like the secret touches as we’re passing in the hallway and a smile possibly a week you know I like to be flirted with in my relationships like I heard back. I want to know that I’m his priority and just as he is mine I will do everything for him and I expect the same from him. And so much kind of like that well anyway this guy I meant he said yes he wants the same thing and we both want marriage and all this eventually. More to the point now that I stay at his house on the weekends he works nights and he comes home in the mornings but on the weekends he’s off and the first thing when I get there Friday night he’s all over me he touches me he will know he really doesn’t touch me it’s just mainly he gives me kisses once in awhile he talks to me and I know he genuinely acts like he’s happy that I’m there the next day Saturday it’s not so much but still okay but Sunday I’m practically ignored and I get the feeling he wants me to leave he gets his dog so much attention so much love you talks to his dog and I admire that I don’t want him to stop that but he barely talks to me doesn’t touch me he he says well he’s just not a talker but that’s not true we used to email all the time but he doesn’t answer my emails anymore he says he just you know doesn’t like to email but he used to he calls me 3 times a day and I appreciate that but I have to do all the talking and when I stop talking he’s like well I’ll let you go now and I don’t know he’s so confusing he says he loves me says he wants a life with me but I also feel he’s cheating on me he swears he’s not but he has cheated on me once and you lied about it he does admit to that now but he swears he’s not doing it anymore but I get the feeling that he does I write I love you on his own Facebook page on his calendars and stuff like that and when I come back they’re gone and he doesn’t know what happened to them he doesn’t want my picture on his Facebook page he says it’s because his family which he was raised in a no you didn’t have a very good childhood. There’s just so many things but when I bring them up here and I’ll always tell me that I’m the one that he loves and I’m the one that he wants to be with and he denies being with other women you know any good nice talking to other women but he keeps his phone on silence he says it’s because of his you know he has to sleep during the day but you would think he would turn it up you know when he’s awake but he doesn’t and when I leave the room that phone magically appears when it’s been out of sight. I want a future with this man I am so deeply in love with him Hood I don’t know what to do I don’t know if I should move on it’ll kill me to move on but I don’t want to be hurt anymore I don’t know what to do I don’t know what you think please help me.
Raven
3 months & he’s cheated on you?
You allowing this behavior… I think you’re afraid to be alone… Why do you love this guy?
Sally
It really doesn’t matter for how long of the relationship. If he doesn’t treat you like his gf, you shouldn’t treat him like your bf. Don’t waste your time. Don’t bring trouble on yourself.
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