Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Dating for two months but appears to have added Instagram to hinge profile
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 5 years, 2 months ago by
Tallspicy.
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AJay
We’ve not had any kind of DTR talk but we’ve seen each other a lot over the past two months, to the point we’ve been on dates 2/3 times a week and communication has been near constant and it’s great!
We’ve both put a lot of time and money into our dating as well and had a great time literally two days ago playing crazy golf.
However yesterday, he suddenly went a lot quieter on me, I naturally just assume he’s very busy and such so I ignored it.
Now I know he still has hinge account and I obviously have mine but I went into it yesterday to turn off notifications and you know, curiosity killed the cat…. and naturally I looked at his profile because I’m an idiot and noticed he’d attached his Instagram. It was never there before. So now I’m worried he’s suddenly gotten bored of me and has added it and is just basically going to ghost me.
Am I just being paranoid? We’re supposed to go out again Sunday and we usually stay at one or the others house but now I’m just worried that maybe he’ll ghost me especially if he’s now adding his Instagram onto his profile 😕
Lane
This is where women get tripped up all the time. If the man isn’t having the “DTR” talk then its because he’s not thinking about it.
So what, big whoop, he’s spending some time with you but it doesn’t mean he wants anything more than just a good time for a short bit. This is why you, as a woman, need to be far more leery about a man’s intentions until *they* tell you what they are! This is why careful listening, watching and observing a man to see what he is saying, and more importantly NOT SAYING in this case, to determine where his thought process is. BELIEVE THE NEGATIVES. If a man isn’t telling you how *he feels*, then he’s not feeling it—they really are that simple!
K
In this I’d just be honest as you have nothing to lose.
Next time you get together I’d say hey, I happened to notice that you added your Insta account to your Hinge profile. You have a right to do that, we haven’t had any kind of exclusivity discussion. Since we’ve spending so much time together I just wanted to check in and see if we’re on the same page. I’m looking for the right person to eventually get into an exclusive long term relationship with and I’m interested in hearing what your thoughts are on what you’re looking for.
Then shut up and listen and watch what he says and does.
You need to be prepared to hear “not looking for a relationship” or some variation of that, as he added Insta even though you’re spending all this time together. Truthfully, a guy who’s really into you just isn’t going to do that.
And you really, really have to ask these questions up front in the future.
Khadija
What K said.
This is the time to ask and find out, don’t bury your head in the sand.
Ss
Unless you’ve regularly checked on his profile you don’t know when he added Insta – it might have been weeks ago!
I had a similar thing with a guy i really liked who updated his Tinder profile. I ended up raising it and we ended things because the conversation made him realise he didn’t think he wanted a relationship (with me but of course he wasn’t that up front to hurt my feelings).
I learnt two things from this. Firstly, don’t act or expect to get treated as a girlfriend until you are a girlfriend. You say you have no right to be upset because you haven’t had the DTR but you are hurt and upset. It’s a kick in the teeth… because no matter how much we play “cool girl” feelings happen and we get carried away without checking the guy is on the same page.
The second thing it taught me was to multi date and not invest solely in one guy because he isn’t investing fully in you.
As many on here – listen to the words (or lack of) and watch those actions.
I’ve not got there yet… i know the theory yet i still get myself tied up in knots but i keep being told that when a guy is all in then you will and you won’t need to ask questions of strangers on the internet 😊
anon
Cool girl can backfire.
I played cool girl with a guy, and we went on a lot of dates, and had a lot of fun, and I thought we were headed to couple town. Then he told me he was “missing the spark”, so I was like OK, see ya later.
We randomly reconnected because I thought I was “friendzoned”, and he told me he was very into me, did not feel the same on my end because he “never saw me” (ie, cool girl, not vulnerable etc.”. Long story short, we are seeing each other now.
This guy may think you are not all in. It’s worth bringing up the conversation, even without mentioning the profile. A lot of men may *like* cool girl, but have trouble interpreting it, especially if they dated more emotional women in the past. Very few men these days do the hard core pursuit. The right way to approach it is to just be open that you’d like an exclusive relationship with him (if that is what you want). As long as you keep it calm and accept his answer, you are fine.
Just don’t flip out like “OMG, YOU ARE ACTIVE ON HINGE!!!!1????!!!!”
Tallspicy
In my opinion, any man who has not committed by 8 weeks (12 absolute latest) is not going to. My last boyfriend on the 4th date said – I cannot imagine dating other women than you. Then we got committed on the next date when he wanted to sleep with me and I was clear that I do not sleep with men who are still on dating sites and dating others. He was surprised when I said I was seeing someone else as well, and would end it with him. I still take joy in the fact that he knew that and that choice is not an issue for me ;-).
To some this might sound fast – but I look it as focus (I like evan mark katz on this). It ended at around the same amount of time as you have been dating – but we both could see were not compatible. And had we been winging it, it would have been too casual for me to tell. We only saw each other 1-2 times per week for the first 3 weeks, then got more into it.
And I do not know why women do not early and often talk about what they are looking for. I do that generally on the 3rd date and I stand in my value with – this is what I am looking for. What are you looking for? And if they can not say – I am open to a relationship with the right person, then I bail. Anything like I am not sure where I am at, or I will know it when I see it, or I go with the flow gets the boot. It does not mean I want something with them, nor me. It just means we are aligned about what we are looking for and open to.
And I do not sleep with anyone who is not exclusive (not just not sleeping with others) and growing our relationship.
2 months is about where the rubber meets the road, so he may be pulling away. But that said, if he asks you out again (pull back and let him lead), then ask him what he is looking for. And tell him what you are looking for from life and love, not from him.
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