Dating in your 30s

It’s not abnormal in your 30s+, but it was something that gave me the ick when handled in the rushed way you’re describing. In my experience, if it’s a very quick early couple sentences to check for dealbreakers but isn’t the main focus of the conversation, that always seemed fine because you’ll have plenty of time to discuss further once you know each other a little better and know if you even like each other. The men who wanted kids YESTERDAY are projecting a lot onto someone they don’t even know yet, which tends to be a red flag. You may not even make it to a third date, forget about discussing making babies together yet!

If you’re looking for something potentially serious, I do think it is important to have an early conversation about if you’re at the same general life stage or not (generally looking to get married if you find the right person, yes/no? generally looking to eventually have kids, yes/no? great!). If your answers match, then focus on getting to know each other, building a connection, and seeing if you’re compatible. Which means the healthy next question is simply: do I want to go on another date with this person? If yes, proceed, either until you don’t want to, until you’ve uncovered a dealbreaker, or until you’ve organically found that you’ve both grown into wanting to be a couple.

It’s also a red flag in your 30s+ if you are looking for something that can become serious and the guy gets freaked out by the “what are you looking for” topic and is totally evasive or doesn’t know what they want in life. You may encounter that, too.

Most importantly, trust your gut. If the conversation on the date doesn’t sit well with you, there’s probably a reason for it. You don’t need to force anything that isn’t a good match to begin with.

OMG this question haha every single date I had was guys telling me how much they want kids etc , doesn’t mean they would want them with me.
I rejected some nice guys because of it , because I do not want to have kids, so they gave me good excuse.
I think a lot of men assume that if you are over 30 you are desperate to have kids so they try and put themselves in your good books but it can backfire.
I also once met someone who repeatedly mention having kids, I have only known him for 2 months but he was pushing so he eventually found someone to have kids with after knowing her for a month. They are no longer together obviously.

Big difference:

I am looking to have kids and want someone who wants that too.

I am open to you, who I don’t even know, being the mother of my children. Gross