Dating intention confusion

Only date men you see marriage potential with. And if you want a family, only date men you see father potential with.

I don’t mean for that to sound some certain kind of way. This is not coming from a moralizing place but rather a strategic place.

Think about it like this…

You date for marriage. You have time to select a great guy and everything you build together is building towards something real.

Real partnership, based on the most meaningful parts of each other’s lives. Your hopes and dreams, your visions for a good future.

You’re going to be alive in your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s+

You’ll be alive. And if you built a great foundation for your future in your 20s and 30s, it will be a beautiful life. You’ll be incredibly grateful you did.

Relationships are not about happiness, they’re about growth.

The growth is inextricably tied to what’s deeply meaningful to each of you, to understanding, to intimacy, to each of your hearts.

So really it’s not even so much about dating for marriage… it’s about dating for meaning and purpose.

If you can’t connect with a man on that level of deep meaning and purpose, then yeah you’ll never reach real intimacy…

You’ll end up in the same place so many women end up: Chasing a non-committal guy, burning up all your energy for a guy you accidentally “caught feelings for” and yet you’re unsure if it will go anywhere.

If I’m being really honest here…

I think our modern day society is like a meat-grinder for young women.

It’s sickening.

Women are lured into this idea of casual dating around, casual sex… it’s all easy breezy, nothing is a big deal, everything will just work out.

So women casually hook up with men because in that moment it just felt right and one thing led to another.

And then, as if this isn’t the most predictable thing in the world, they “catch feelings” for this guy… and spend YEARS chasing after him because of these “feelings” they caught (as if nobody told them about the biological differences between men and women).

And in those moments of doubt, where the woman says, “Have I been duped,” you have a culture of media and bad faith influences in society reinforcing the idea that actually all this is a perfectly normal, functional, effective way to live out your 20s and early 30s… that somehow it just all falls together and works out.

Somehow a decade of casual dating turns into a great strong marriage and loyal devoted partnership.

How? I dunno. But it must be true, because you couldn’t just have countless shows, movies, influencers, etc. pushing this mindset if it actually led to a bad place, right?

Right? (nervous sweating begins)

You know deep down how off-track society is. You feel it. We all do.

Date men who you can connect with on a level of meaning and purpose because otherwise you’re not going to be able to create emotional connection with him.

If you can’t have an emotional connection with him, it won’t matter if you “catch feelings”. In fact, it won’t matter if you’re head over heels in love with him.

Your love button is orgasm during sex.

His love button is deep understanding and support from you in the areas of his life that are most meaningful.

So… take this seriously because the people misleading you down the path of “casual dating” aren’t going to be there for you later. There is no rewind button.

Date men who you can connect with on the level of meaning and purpose.

Even guys who seem like good marriage potential might not be guys who you can connect with on the level of what’s deeply meaningful to him… so you’re still going to need to find the guy you can connect with on that level.

And frankly, when you do, you’ll understand how wrongheaded everything else was.

Good luck and I hope that helps.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Eric Charles.

“In my experience there is a difference between someone who I can connect with on a deeper level and someone who has marriage potential.”

OK, but then there’s also a place where those 2 areas overlap. Aim for the men where that overlap is already there.

I agree that experiences are good, no argument there.

“And who knows, I eventually find someone and marry, but something changes and we get divorced. And I’ll look back on a time when I was younger and how I missed out on opportunities for connection due to my emphasis on that marriage potential.”

I understand, nobody wants to look back in regret, nobody wants to make mistakes, nobody wants to miss out on life.

Truth is, what you said works in the other direction too.

I’m not someone who pushes marriage or any particular lifestyle or relationship choice. I’ve gone out of my way to point that out.

I’m bringing these ideas up here for you to reflect on an area of your life that I know is important to you.

If you want marriage, it’s worth thinking about now and having a real proactive strategy of how that will come together.

Like you said, a marriage could fall apart and end in divorce, and nobody wants that.

And there are some bad outcomes that happen even after we try our best. That stinks, but that can happen in life.

Still, it’s in our best interest to try our best and learn to be as effective as possible, so we get the best success rate possible.

We won’t win everything in every area of life every time, but in general, we will win where it’s important.

We don’t have infinite time. We need to make efficient choices so we get the most out of everything we choose.

That’s how we don’t miss out.

And that’s why I say, only go for the men that meet both your criteria. Don’t kid yourself into thinking it’s an either-or.

Yes, the overlap will be more rare, but that’s fine. It just means saying no to more men, so that when you reach the yes it’s a big yes.