Dating Someone Grieving

Millie,

He may be sensing that you want more time and effort and he’s pulling away.

This is a hard one to call because its a new relationship, had you established dating before the death it would might be different.

I’ll be honest, you may want to keep your options open because from the very beginning he gave you a disclaimer.

In your post a lot of your needs aren’t being met. While I understand the reason behind it, finding a better match at this time could be in your best interest.

Anyone who has ever lost someone close to them knows how painful (and personal) such a loss is.

People need time and space to grieve. If he has indicated he wants space and isn’t ready for a relationship, believe him.

Cut him loose and make yourself available for someone who is. It can take years (in some cases) to be able to fully function after a great loss. It took me more than 5 years to heal (enough) after I lost my Dad, to be anywhere near a good frame of mind. The circumstances of the loss also color things differently.

We tell women all the time, NOT to wait around for someone who isn’t ready for a relationship, and YES…the reason really doesn’t matter.

Trust me, if it’s really meant to be, he would find you again. I had an ex come back after more than 10 years, and make every effort to win me back.

The secret is not staying, but walking away to find your own happiness. In all likelihood, you are wasting time with this guy, while the RIGHT guy is out there, but you have closed yourself off to meeting him.

I disagree with Rita that you are being selfish. I think if he was grieving and not in a good place that he is not ready to date and should not be. It could be a convenient excuse as well. Anyway-I would not expect anything from this guy.

I may be stating the obvious, but he fully disclosed he wasn’t up for a relationship. Yet you said you decided to go with the flow and try to convince him (my words) that you would be worth it.

You will lose him for good if you don’t honor and respect his wishes to let loose. He may at some point want to integrate his life with you, or he may not. You being there through this grief could work for or against you. I say against you because you will always remind him of this grieving period. So for him to move forward he may reflect on it fondly or he may not want the reminder of you being around any longer.

I would stop forcing things and let loose. Let him come to you on his own terms. It’s anyone’s guess this may turn out.

Oh, and it could be an excuse not to get close to you too. I’ve seen that happen.

I am dating someone I have chatted with in a club over the past 4 years but it’s too loud to talk and a language barrier. Now he came and did a repair for me as a friend at my house and we had coffee together at my house and lots of long conversations. And it turned into a relationship and after a month and a half his mom across the world had a medical emergency with her breathing and he has been wrapped up in arranging medical care wiring money and so on. To keep her alive. She had two major lung surgeries and recovery has been rough lots of return stays in the hospital. He is concerned she might not make it. So the past 3-4 weeks have been him grieving the possibility of her loss. He said he loved me but later he needs to hold off on building maintaining a relationship though he wants to still see me we are close. But when he is ready he wants me to be his girlfriend. It is sad to see the person I love go through so much heartache. He has so many responsibilities. I am just here cause I feel like he is every day dealing with the possibility of losing his mom. I try to support to listen to check in. I give him space. I follow his lead. It is worth it because that’s how I would want to be treated and it is how I want him to be treated. Doing the right thing no matter how it works out is always the right thing!