Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › death of a parent
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 3 years ago by
StayAtHomeWife.
-
AuthorPosts
-
jamie
obviously, with an actual partner/friend we all know to be as supportive as possible. but for those of you with someone who is just a placeholder, how much support would you provide them if their parent just died? in my situation, his mother died on friday and i havent heard from him since saturday. to clarify we are not interested in each other as partners just as placeholders until someone better comes along.
with that said, do i just let it sit or do i reach out to check in?
Raven
His Mother died, at least offer condolences…
Maddie
Is he a friend at all in addition to a placeholder? Then check in a little bit, he’ll appreciate it. Is he literally just a warm body? Then be honest but brief that you’re not sure how to approach this but you’re deeply sorry for his loss and he can reach out if he needs anything. And if he doesn’t take you up on that, you’ve still covered your bases of being a decent human who respects him as a person.
Lane
Other than offering your condolences, I wouldn’t offer any support unless he asks for it. Men tend to go inward so I would suspect he’s going to be blowing hot & cold as he works through his grief. Just be there if he needs you if that’s something your OK with.
jamie
i did offer condolences when it happened and we spent time together that day and he seemed completely fine. could have been a front since we arent very close. i checked in the following day and we talked briefly but havent talked since. i dont want to lose the placeholder without replacing him first but seems like it would be in poor taste to push during this time so i guess ill back off and if he doesnt come back oh well. thank you!
Ss
As someone whose mother has very recently died, I can tell you that people checking in is nice but not when it’s in a shallow insincere way where I feel like I have to reply with a comment like ‘I’m ok’ etc because I’m honestly not ok and I don’t have the energy to be around people that I have to pretend to be ok around so that they don’t feel uncomfortable.
I was causally dating someone and I ended it, well paused it, because I don’t have the head space to deal with a potential relationship. The guy hasn’t checked in once since and honestly it just has left me feeling he didn’t really care much about me anyway or he’d have least dropped a text.
I actually find your comments about having to find a new placeholder insensitive and selfish. The guy has lost his mother and your focus isn’t on whether he is ok its on checking in with the view to working out if you’ve lost your placeholder… yuck
StayAtHomeWife
Let him grief. Don’t call him/contact too much at this time, he will contact you when he ready and want to.
OP. I lost both my mother and father in a short time and that back in 2018, and even now 2022 around the corner and I still grief over their deaths. It SUPER HARD to lost both parents in your adulthood.
-
AuthorPosts
