Deep Feelings and Missing Me…That Means What, Exactly?

Thank you Bree for sharing. That was beautifully put. In the end we can listen to everyone else and be just like everyone else and fade away in a sea of the same color or choose to be different and listen to our own intuition and stand out in the sea of dullness. That is our own choice in the end.

Question just becomes are we brave enough to trust God/Universe and our own intuition or do we want to be “safe” and follow the crowd even if the crowd is going to jump off a cliff with no safety net….

Well, miss Sarah, how’s YOUR love life going? Are you happily married or in a very stable and happy relationship right now?

I bet you ARE NOT…I’ll trust God/Universe and follow my heart any time any day. I’d rather trust GOD than listen to someone who has even less experience in the world than I do!

Bree, great story. The reason he stepped up was because you were willing to let go and walk away. Even if those words had come out of your mouth, he would not have let you go. He is ready and willing to go the distance with you. I”m really happy for you.

The man Erin is involved with is involved with someone else who he has NOT BROKEN UP WITH YET… because he doesn’t like the part of town she bought a house in. And what if she buys a house somewhere else that IS acceptable to him???? Where would that leave Erin??

What is so off-putting about this man is the criteria he’s using to choose a woman. It’s about external stuff – house, job, etc. It’s not about the person to him. Read what I said again. He’s hiring for a nanny/cook/housekeeper primarily, and someone to help pay the bills too. I think it’s great that things worked out for Misty and for Bree. This is not the same situation at all. Their guys stepped up. This man is not showing any sign of that and his self-centered agenda is very clear. Why these two women are going along with his game/auditioning process I do not understand.

Lol, misty, somehow I knew this would resort too… “We’ll look what I have vs what you have” … Cheap.

First of all, I am happily single. Currently dating four guys, which two are already expressing something longer term. I get treated very well, hey plus these guys are taking me out on great dates, and they are loads of fun. I am having the time of my life.

See I guess where we differ misty, is our concept of what we would settle for, and our self value.
Your guy had a girlfriend when you came along and snatched his heart away (vomit). See that there for me just wouldn’t happen. There would be no guy with a girlfriend on my scene, because I would never date a guy who was interested in having two monogamous relationships. I VALUE myself more then that. I am BETTER then that. Any guy willing to cheat, is not worthy of me to even bat my eye lashes at.

I do not have to change the men I date, if I don’t like something significant like flakiness and non commitment – I walk away. Easy as pie. Sure my “heart” might want me to stay for the great sex, free dinners, sweet nothings whispered in my ear… But long term is that what I am worth?

My future husband will be honest, stable and a good sincere man – not a cheat, not someone with baggage they are unwilling to get over, and certainly not someone I have to use push – pull tactics to remain close too. I will settle for nothing less then what I want.

Erin, think about what you want, and what you deserve. Misty here talks about “God” and following your heart, but unless you are extremely in sync with your intuition (which you can not be due to this emotional mess of a man your involved with) then I suggest you listen to your MIND. Look at the facts.

@Sarah, you said:

“Your guy had a girlfriend when you came along and snatched his heart away (vomit).”

You ASS U me’d too much my dear! I had him first. Then his family decided that I was NOT someone they could MANIPULATE so they “found him a better woman”…that he broke up with me for…

HAHAH!!! I get the last laugh because she turned out to be a FRIGID, PUSHY, CONTROLLING BEAOTCH!!! HE DUMPED HER BECAUSE SHE GOT TOO PUSHY FOR EVEN THE SWEETEST GUY!!!!

Yeah…that’s what you are going to get by all 4 of those guys you’re “dating’…when you decide to kill that massive ego of yours, you too will find true love. Until then, you can keep being miserable because that is what ego does…makes people miserable.

I’ll take the death of my ego and trust in THE CREATOR of the UNIVERSE any day!!!!

Misty u seem desperate and crazy no offence, plus you don’t make sense and you come off as pretty immature. Sarah sounds quite happy and confident, how do you know she is miserable? comments such as that prove your quite uneducated and know very little bit of what u r talking about. Grow up and stop spurting nonsense

I agree with lucy. Misty you are acting like a child and everything you say is inchoerent

Erin, imagine you have tremendous respect for yourself and that you always put yourself first. You know that no matter what, you have to do what is best for you. What do you do? Or imagine giving a woman advice on this…a woman you have tremendous respect and love for.

Honestly, no matter how much I love a guy, I wont let him treat me like an option. I must love myself more. And I completely agree with everyone that says this guy is filling a vacancy. He should NOT care about your job and all that other stuff. He should NOT put conditions on you being together. That is so wrong it makes my head hurt. I simply don’t understand how you don’t see that Erin.

Wow, did this thread blow up! Will try to reply to everyone!

kimf: I’ve pretty much come to that conclusion now. I don’t see what’s stopping him, if he truly wants to be exclusive, from that happening now. I admit I need to make changes in my life. But I need to make them for ME, not to make a guy happy. And if he’s truly loving and supportive, then why not be there for me now while I am going through all this? Why the whole “oh, do this and we’ll be together” attitude? (yes I am being rhetorical)

SnarkySab: I asked him that. I said, “if you know you want to end it with her, why not end it now? Because a few months down the line, when you do, the truth will come out that you wanted to end it earlier but waited, and it will get ugly when that happens.” Had that happen to me in a previous relationship, the guy WAITED to tell me he’d wanted to dump me sooner, and it made things so much worse. His response was, “oh, she’s moving and changing, and I should be there for her, it would be mean to dump her amongst all this change.” Looking back I should have said, “okay, have fun with that” and walked out right then and there, feelings be d@mned.

The thing is, the city we are both trying to end up in, he knows how hard it is to get a job there. Heck, he has more experience than me and he can’t get anything down there yet. Told him that too and that it was ridiculous to try and hold that against me.

Bree: lovely story. But my situation is not that clear cut.

I am staying out of whatever is going on with Misty/Sarah.

Sarah: I think my heart is why I have put up with so much of this already. And I just need to tell myself to stop. Love should not be so conditional. If he really wants to be with me, there’s nothing stopping him. No one forced him to find this other woman or take her out and no one’s forcing him to stay with her til she gets settled in her new place. He claims to be doing it out of pity, “she’s fragile,” well guess what? She’s always going to be fragile and I would think she’d rather get the split over with and focus on her move and heal at the same time than think she’s moving to a new life and him, and boom not the case.

Anne: from what I understand her buying the house in a spot that he doesn’t feel is safe is the dealbreaker. And having thought about it, it really does feel like he’s making us audition. At the beginning of last month, he had told me she was going to be his girlfriend once she moved, got a stable job, and worked on some personal issues. And now he’s telling me we’ll be together once I get a full time job, work on personal issues, and handle my finances? Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. For all I know, she might jump through all her hoops first, in spite of the house, and so boom, he picks her over me despite all the times he’s said “I love you” to me. Sad but extremely possible scenario.

Misty/Sarah/Bree: I have done a lot of praying about this. And asking for guidance.

Bree: I sent him an email this morning sharing some of my thoughts about the situation. And I have yet to get a response beyond him texting that he got the email. Yes, he might have been at work today, but at the same time it doesn’t take THAT long to respond.

Misty: I really would like to believe things will work out all nicely. But with my rose-colored glasses, the lenses are cracked at this point. I would like to have faith. But since our last face-to-face talk, he has been somewhat distant. And I called him out on it in the email mentioned above. When he does stuff like that, I told him, it makes me feel used.

kaye: to be fair, I should have specified that she was going to move down there anyhow. That’s how they met, from what I understand-on a dating site where she said she loved this particular city and she was planning to relocate there before he came along. The stuff with the house buying is all new. Personally, I’m surprised he didn’t help her pick out a house, given how he was at the beginning of last month over her. It’s apparently been only recently that he told her he did not want to be exclusive and he’s dating me too. And again, he really should just break things off with her now. But to be cynical, I think he wants to wait and see who’s willing to jump through what hoops before he makes a decision.

L: I have asked myself that and him that (in the email). Nothing is stopping him.

EM: I am doing what I can to get a better job. For now my priority is going to be getting a better job for me. Everything else can be put to the side.

Anne: I kind of had a feeling that’s what he was up to when he first sent that message about “this is what you need to do so we can be together.” And the fact that last week, he had the perfect opportunity to break things off with her in person and didn’t, to me that speaks volumes. But in his words, “oh, she’s helped me, I need to stand by her while she makes these changes, THEN I’ll break things off with her.” Who knows how long that will take? Which I also asked him. So he’s perfectly happy with this scenario, dating her (even though he claims he’s going to end things) and me at the same time, not being exclusive, for who knows how long, THEN he’s going to end things and be all happy with me? Ah huh. Not buying it anymore.

Newbie: exactly. And again, throughout all this, in my mind he’s just using the kids as an excuse. He gets them when he goes on vacation and every other week for maybe three days. If he had them every time he was off, I could see needing help. But he doesn’t. He’s already worrying about college and cars way too early.

Misty (again): if he loves me for real, then why didn’t/doesn’t he just go ahead and break things off with her and be with me? The fact he says he wants to be with me but won’t do that to me says ‘stupid’ in itself. He says he “loves me more than I understand”…so then by what you’ve said (which I do appreciate, I wish it was that easy), what’s stopping him from focusing on me and loving me full time and supporting me through this deal we made?

Sarah (again): I didn’t mean to imply I was impressed that he cooked dinner. If anything I was amused. It always amuses me how guys act when they think they’re losing you. Complete contrast: this past time I saw him a few days ago, it was back to frozen pizza and tv trays. And I agree. If he really loves me, she would have been out the window flat plain and simple last week. He would have ended it with her in person. I asked him about going out either tonight or tomorrow. He hemmed and hawwed and said, “oh, I’ll have to check my schedule,” and I knew right then and there that he was not going to take me out either night. I am simply not a priority to him and that is that.

I do appreciate all the comments. I think it’s pretty obvious which way I’m going to have to go. I don’t see a miracle occurring, sadly enough.

Erin, I feel like it’s clear that he’s seeing which one of you finishes the obstacle course he’s set first. Your so-called issues are not deal breakers. I can see someone saying, listen you need to get off drugs before I can be with you. But the other stuff… it’s all about material things and money.

I’m not sure why Misty and Sarah are fighting so I’m going to stay out of it too. I feel like Misty and Bree’s circumstances, while certainly happy endings, are not terribly relevant to yours. It would be nice if we could get back on track and not have a fight over nothing.

I think the point of this thread is to help Erin not get into personal cut-downs.

none of you 2 women has the guts to grab him by the balls
(pardon my French)