Did he ever care about me/how does he feel about me now?

Hi Erin
I’m really sorry for the pain you must be going through right now. Please be gentle with yourself and be thankful that you now know the truth about him and aren’t wasting anymore time. It is possible that he is too damaged to ever have a relationship or it is possible that he is just out having fun. He may have had feelings for you or he may not have, all that matters is the way he was not able to behave respectfully toward you. Although it is hard, as women, to not have all of the answers and explanations we crave, sometimes you just have to listen to your gut and let it all go. Spend a little time on your own to heal and to figure out what you are looking for and also what your future boundaries will be. When you are ready to meet someone again, try to leave sex off the table until they have proven themselves worthy of your trust and your heart. In the first month or so it is good to avoid too many drinks and also try to avoid house dates. You will get over this guy and when you meet the one who is worthy, you will look back and wonder what you ever even saw in him. Good luck Erin.

So there’s this guy when I first met him I thought he was the most self centered guy in the world but then I got to know him n we were talking/dating (not in a realationship) for a while during that time he told me about an ex girlfriend that he was in love with but he said she used him and played with his mind n he was getting over her. We continued to talk/date but like anybody we did have a few minor bumps in the road each time we started back up again. Then one day he didn’t reply to my texts or anything didn’t even see him so I go on social media and there he is with his ex girlfriend I was hurt I didn’t text or call him for about a month didn’t see him either in that time I had gotten into a rather mentally abusive relationship and he saw me crying after months of not seeing each other and he was kind to me and helped me get out that relationship (him and his ex were at the time over) after that we picked back up talking/dating for a couple months n during that time I would ask about the ex and he would give me the same thing “I’m done with her completely” but then one day he just suddenly doesn’t reply for two hours something he doesn’t do so I shrug it off saying he might be busy. So I get a notification that says someone blocked me I go check and its him I go on his social media and it says there back together. He didn’t even tell me so I’m wondering if he ever even cared about me. He says she plays with his mind but he plays with mine. I’m currently so confused and hurt I don’t know what to do. I just want to know from anyone else’s opinion did he ever love me or care for me like he said he did or was I just a temporary thing for when him and his ex were fighting

Erin and Sarah,
I’m going through something similar but with time it will make sense. I dated a guy for 4 months, he dumped me for his ex, she was unfaithful but just 2 months after our breakup he got married. I was loyal and gave all my love. He said he took it for granted. He told me what I wanted to hear, he cared, he missed me and realized what he lost. With his words, his actions does not show it. No matter how much I hoped and wanted to believe him. I didnt feel the way i should, when he says hes there for me and cares, he isnt, all i get is hurt and heartache. I love him but he’s still the same guy I used to date.Even when he said he loved me and didn’t know if he loved her. He still picked her. He has to live with what he wants. I’m glad he picked her because I would still be hurt. I could have married him and he would still be thinking about his ex like he is thinking about me while he is with her. As much as I cared and loved him, it makes sense to keep them in your life but it’s also a reason for them to not be in your life. Also when I told him how much it bothers me when he doesn’t text back because I have anxiety, so I worry a lot. He still doesn’t respond sometimes. As long as it’s not him hurting, he doesnt care. We should feel loved and not question why he’s doing this that hurts us. This too shall pass.

Well, harsh honesty, you were not duped, fooled or anything of the like. He was very honest with you and told you from the beginning that he did NOT want a relationship. When guys say it they mean it.

Mistake number one a woman can do is to think he will change and they think they are ok with this arrangement when they should know better. Fact is that a woman may just want fun and something not overly committed but generally over time if things go well they become emotionally invested. This is big trouble. Girl likes guy more than guy likes girl. Girl wants commitment while guy obviously does not.

This is such a common scenario that I would never ever get into one of these FWB situations for that reason. Very rarely it does happen that a guy changes his mind, it happened to me and it became very serious until the guy cheated on me and was forced to leave too and realized that he did not want something more serious because he is not capable of it.

Many of these guys are built this way and they will not have anything more; they are emotionally unavailable, commitment phobic, etc. Perhaps this sounds like an overstatement and while they may change one day, many do not and do not expect them to.

Look for a man who wants a relationship and wants one with you and is ready to commit to you eventually. You just fell into the trap of the most dangerous type of man. Really sorry about this but nothing you can do. He may contact you again but it will be for another hook up and for an ego boost.

I am not bashing the guy but I understand how you feel, yet I have to conclude by saying that he never fooled you, he told you the bare truth from the beginning and never led you on. Until you stopped being ok with it, it worked. And yes he cared some, he liked you but now he is no longer interested as you want more than he does, plain and simple you were more invested. He is leaving you alone since you two are not on the same page, he is letting you move on, fair enough and he has plenty other girls that entertain him.

The only thing I do not get is why you got jealous if you have known all along that he had other dates and hook ups? (I am going to leave along the subject of digging in someone else´s phone for now).

Teresa, Sarah please post your own threads, you will get more responses too. Read the articles here and the forum, you will learn a lot. There is a pattern here of getting yourselves into self destructive relationships with men. Teresa this guy never loved you, he loved his now wife and you were the rebound which you allowed and on top of that you acted pathetic and desperate asking him to text back and this is never attractive. Another thing I am reading here which shocks me is the expectation of a guy texting back within two hours. Wow, this is totally wrong, first, do not text, let them, second, it is ok for a guy to not have to check in with you every five minutes. Again I repeat find the resources on the site and use them to your advantage so you do not sabotage your own lives.

Hi Erin,

Agree with others that you were not duped. He was VERY CLEAR about his intentions with you (casual), you simply refused to hear them and believed if you could show him how awesome you were he would change his mind. Sorry but men don’t operate that way and pretty much know very early whether you’re someone they would be willingly give up their FREEDOM for. I get you didn’t expect to connect/bond with him the way you did but as a woman you should NEVER rely on a man’s actions alone—the correct formula is WORDS + ACTIONS = TRUTH. Both words and actions need to mesh up on a consistent basis and if his words don’t match his actions, or actions don’t match his words then you’re setting yourself for heartache when he walks away because you want more than what he’s capable or wanting to give to a woman.

You were so wrapped up in his actions that you completely ignored his words and fell into the same trap a lot of woman do today which is why WORDS are just as important in order to establish where a mans heads at first and then where he wants to take you: a relationship; companionship; casual; or nowhere. Men who want a relationship are very OBVIOUS its the ones’ who aren’t (mixed signals, questions, confusion, etc.) are the one’s you really need to be leery of and .

For instance a man can dig a hole (actions) but if he isn’t telling you WHY he’s digging it (words) then all you have is an empty hole. Until you know the INTENT and MEANING behind a man’s actions then you cannot fully assess him or his character (honesty, integrity, morals/ethics, loyalty, etc.) which is why you ended up where you did and hopefully this will be a teaching lesson of what not to do the next time.

Sthrn Belle

Did I say that I told him to text me back or sent multiple text. No I said I told him it bothers me, as this was a talk awhile back with him. I did not ask for advice. As I’m telling them my situation and realizing everything and telling them what I have learned from my story. Don’t call me desperate or pathetic when I was the strong one to know that he doesn’t deserve to be in my life and isn’t anymore. I know he doesn’t love me the way he loved her as I have said he still picked her, his words don’t match his actions. I told my story to see if they can relate and hopefully realize something, just like I did.