Did He Lose Interest or Am I Overanalyzing

Lisa,

I hope when you go on these others dates you aren’t thinking about this guy.

You could miss out on someone much better for you if you’re too worried about him.

If he calls you again great if not, too bad at least he isn’t someone you were seeing for a long time.

In the beginning I can’t stress enough that you have to care less and maintain your life. Over time the guy should be showing you that why he should be kept around.

I really believe that when its the right guy there is no stressing or wondering.

Khadija, yes I need learn to be less anxious so early on. It’s a challenge for me to not get stressed when men suddenly change patterns but I guess I need to start focusing on doing what I was before him.

I am going try my best to not think of him when I meet these other men as tough as it may be. Don’t want to lose out on a potential for someone who may not appreciate my worth.

L2, thanks. I will keep everyone posted but as of now, still no contact.

Well at this point the odds of him changing his mind are low. But I think this is the best answer you could give: “Honestly I can’t make decisions about friends vs. relationships this early in the process. I am looking for a reltionship and that is what the dating process is for, but at this stage I still feel I am just getting to know you, which has been fun.” This leaves him chasing you without closing the door. If you just admit you feel more than he does I am pretty sure the guy will lose interest in a heart beat.

Lisa, I dont want to be too harsh, but I think he is “blaming” you for him beeing an ar*e and not contacting you for nearly a week…

maybe he waited, if you will chase him…. you didnt, so now, he wants you to admit your feelings before he admits his..

you are one of the nicest people he knows? not a very romantic thing to say…

the best thing would be to put the ball back in his court somehow…. I dont know how, but I woudnt write the message Amanda suggested…. too heavy
and wouldnt bare my heart to him about my feelings either!

maybe ask him, just shortly: that is what you want?

I’m reading this as a blow off. He’s telling you he doesn’t feel chemistry with you, he feels more like a friend vibe. I don’t think it’s that he thinks YOU’RE friend zoning him. Why would he think that? You’ve been going on dates with him.

Honestly, I think he went out with someone else this weekend and this is him trying to end things.

I know people are trying to give his communication a spin that is favorable to you…it’s human nature…but I’m reading “Sorry I haven’t been in touch, I’ve thought it over and I’m just not that into you.”

After all these days, I assumed he wouldn’t reach out and that he no interest; however, the one thing which indicates he’s put the ball in my court is the fact that he explicitly said to let him know if he is off base and we should talk about it.

If he just wanted to be friends, he would just say “would be happy to be friends” or something along those lines? In this case, it seems he’s kept the door open and wants assurance from me.

I don’t mind being vulnerable and letting him know I am interested but I want to say it in a way I don’t throw him off.

Lisa,

It’s a little unclear whether he’s putting you in the friend zone or he wants to see if you’re interested in being more than friends but I would lean towards saying it’s him wanting assurance from you. This maybe his way of testing the waters regarding your interest in him since you haven’t made out or slept with him. I don’t see this as a blow off. Like few others said, a man wanting to blow you off will not ask you to let him know if he’s “off base”.

At this point, you have nothing to lose if you put yourself out there gently. If you don’t, most likely this situation will end but if you do, there’s a chance things may go somewhere.

Since he has given you the option of talking about things, I would say something along the lines of what Mariatheorinial said and then end the text with “How about we meet talk through this?”

I always think it’s better to meet in person if you and talk about such things. Also, even if this situation ends after that at least you will have a better understanding of what was going and maybe how you can better handle your next relationship.

His message is a little vague-Best to just ask him to clarify, the first portion of what Maria said is good. Then see what he says, if he’s asking you abou your feelings I would say you’re enjoying getting to know him/are having fun and are still in the process of that.

Carla, L2 – thanks. Yes given that the message is vague, it makes sense to ask him for clarity.

Shannon – It’s not about being not able to accept rejection. I already accepted rejection when he did not contact me for 4 days and thought he blew me off. The fact he opened the door is encouraging me to ask for clarity.

Unfortunately, a lot of potential relationships fall apart because of fear or lack of communication. I would rather be vulnerable and get clarity from him knowing that he could just want to be friends than wonder for I don’t know many weeks/months that maybe he and I could have had something had I been open and honest.

Lisa– (and anyone else interested in these weird early possible miscommunications that can occur because of pride/each person being afraid to be the first to risk vulnerability) look up this on youtube

The #1 Reason Why New Relationships Fail — Susan Winter

She’s amazingly insightful I think

MariaTheOriginal – I didn’t find what you said egotistical but thanks for clarifying :) Thanks for the information on Susan Winter, I will look up that youtube link.

I am with Pandora on this. He waited for you to chase him, when you didn’t he comes out with this “friends” thing. Nicest person he knows! Really? after 4 dates? Maybe he wants you to say OMG no, I really want to have sex with you NOW.

I don’t buy any of that. I suggest you be careful with this guy. Put your walls up, way up, reply in a nice and non committal way. Leave the door open for him, there is no benefit in shutting it down, but don’t focus on him. He is already showing you his true colors.

Ladies, in my insignificant and limited experience, men ALWAYS “come back”. Especially if you understand coming back as calling or texting, which I don’t. I treat “come back” as an attempt, an explicit attempt to ask you back. This does not happen often. But in terms of them reappearing and contacting you, chances are very very high that they will, the more dates you had the higher the chances.

If you didn’t have sex chances are 100% that they will contact you again. Once sex happens, then it all depends on the situation but before sex, they ALWAYS contact you again.

I had situations where a guy I met ONCE, would message me every few months for two years.

We live in a digital age, texting is cheap and easy. They text to many women at once, so a few don’t return their texts, not a big deal.

Relax and don’t be easy. Know your worth and don’t fall info manipulative traps. So many men are adept manipulators these days. There are online resources that teach you how to manipulate women and how to toy with their feelings. So many men play games, power games, what not.

Value yourself, protect yourself. Move slowly. Very slowly. A good guy would only respect you more for that. Bad guys would start pulling stunts and say weird things, like in this case.