Did I hunt him away ?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals Did I hunt him away ?

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  • #929503 Reply
    Marylou

    Hi I would appreciate any opinions . I am currently sharing a house with my ex partner . No kids and I am in my late thirties . Five weeks I met a man through his business and in immediately felt attracted to him . I wasn’t looking for anyone . I text him after to say thanks for his help as he had really helped me out . I wanted to see his reaction I guess . Anyway he texted me back snd we were soon messaging every day . I told him about my living situation and he understood. We met a few days later and were supposed to go for a walk but it started raining really bad snd I ended up sitting in his car . He kinda got overly excited snd jumped me snd I was nt ready for that . I told him I wasn’t ready and he said that’s ok he was just attracted or whatever . Much of his texts are sexual not all but most . He invited me to his house and I asked what for and he said “ what do you think “ as on sex . I was kinda offended and said I wasn’t interested in being a booty call . Anyway he rang me and said he was upset I thought that of him but I said what did you expect you invited me to your house for sex ? We carry on texting told him I couldn’t get into a relationship until I move out snd sell our house . We met again while we were in the same area again in his car snd we chatted snd Kissed but this time I enjoyed it . I again told him i needed to sort out my house etc . Fast forward to the the next week snd I’m in the area and he invited me to his house for coffee . I told him I was having back problems and he said no problem I’ll look after you . I told him I might actually need a doctor snd he said don’t worry I’ll look after you . I get to his house and he starts making tea but then says let’s go upstairs and relax. I go with him and I don’t know what I was thinking really . Im the end I decided to sleep with him but he lost his erection and said he can’t use condoms . I kinda worried it was my fault in case he wasn’t attracted to me . After wards we had tea snd he held my hand and we were chatting etc and we went for a drive snd he just held my hand the whole time snd it was really nice . I text him when I got home snd we were chatting . He text me a picture the next day of something I left in his house but he wasn’t really engaging in conversation. I had s Covid scare ok Monday and text him to tell him as he woukd be a contact and he was just messaging me back emojis . I was getting frustrated with the emojis . I told him I would keep him updated with the Covid situation but he didn’t seem to bothered . I ended up self isolating for two days snd he didn’t initiate texting once . I then had a negative test and text him to tell him . He texted back with an emoji or something stupid and asked me did I feel sick . After three days of self isolating I was kinda frustrated and I said look you can just dump the thing I left in his house and Said I can’t communicate with emojis . I said if your not interested you could have just said so and basically it seems he just wanted to get me to his house to get laid . He text back and said he was interested with a roll eye emoji . I text him back saying I was in self isolation all week and I felt like I was bothering him updating him and that basically it seems like he just wants a booty call . I also said I felt like it was my fault it didn’t happen on Saturday night as he hadnt contacted me since . I never heard back from him and it’s been two or three days .just wondering a ) have I hurt his feelings or b ) did I call it as it is and he doesn’t care ?

    #929504 Reply
    Marylou

    Sorry for spelling errors I am typing on a phone

    #929505 Reply
    Maddie

    The entire time his actions screamed booty call, but he said some words to try to convince you he wasn’t only looking for a booty call because you made it clear you might not sleep with him otherwise. When words and actions don’t match, believe whichever one is “worse” in regards to being not what you want to hear. Anyone whose words and actions don’t match isn’t looking for a relationship, and if they think they are, they’re not ready for one and will jerk you around. This guy sounds really lame and like you should drop him because he’s not looking to give you what you want, he’s a bad lay, and he’s a lazy communicator. There’s nothing for you to get out of this situation. I don’t think you need to worry about hurting his feelings because he’s not attached, he wants sex but then only wanted it without condoms which you were rightfully not interested in doing, so he backed off but left the door open in case you change your mind about the condoms. Don’t change your mind, just drop him!

    #929507 Reply
    Marylou

    I feel bad I accused him of just wanted to get me into bed but he didn’t answer so I guess he wasn’t going to tell me he wasn’t . That’s the way I see it anyway . I really liked him I think have feelings for him but I can’t just be a booty call 😭

    #929508 Reply
    Marylou

    And thanks for your help

    #929511 Reply
    Zoe

    He is not interested, why you keep bothering him? Do you think you can text a man into liking you? Its the other way around

    #929513 Reply
    Marylou

    He kept telling me he was interested and that he was ready for a relationship. He only ever invited me to his house . He text back that he was interested and the I said it seemed like he just wanted to get me into bed snd nothing since snd it’s been three days . Ffs why did didn’t he just say he wasn’t interested.

    #929517 Reply
    Maddie

    What good does telling you that do for him? From his perspective, if he admits he’s only looking for something casual, either you won’t ever sleep with him or you might get upset at him and make him deal with your feelings. Since you’re not formally dating, he doesn’t owe you anything. He can say he wants a relationship all he likes because words take no effort, but he’s not acting like it at all and you know that or you wouldn’t be confused. He hasn’t even taken you out on a date. It’s very frustrating when someone isn’t direct or fully honest, but again, when you’re getting mixed signals believe the worst set. It took me years to learn that dating lesson, but it’s one of the most valuable!

    It sounds like part of this is you’re having difficulty with isolation between the pandemic and things ending with your ex-partner which is a life transition, so I’m sure it is difficult to lose the “potential” of something that feels like an exciting and nice distraction to that. This guy isn’t more than that, though, so hold yourself in higher regard and then you’ll find a man who does as well! If you want companionship and don’t waste your own time with a tepid man, you keep yourself open for a man who is more interested and actually wants to take you on dates and won’t be confusing, even if you haven’t met him yet.

    #929523 Reply
    Marylou

    Thanks for the replies . Still no response so I don’t think I’ll get one at this stage . I’m going to focus on myself at the moment . If that’s what a out there . 🙄

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