Did I hurt him by pushing away?

This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 2 years, 9 months ago by ANM Staff.

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March 30, 2022 at 12:56 pm #932330

Abby28

I had an abusive ex and I’m still working on myself daily. Sometimes I fall back into old ways and bad trust issues. I just told a friend that I’m not sure if we should be friends anymore, that it might be easier not to be. He never answered and now I realize that’s not what I really want. I push people away and don’t trust. Did I hurt him? Can I fix it?

March 30, 2022 at 1:57 pm #932332

Liz Lemon

You just posted about this guy as Molly27. You’ve been posting about him for years. You’ve also left out important info in this post- this “friend” is your brother in law’s brother, he is a severe alcoholic, and his behavior has been inappropriate and borderline abusive in the past (I seem to recall you posting about him getting drunk at family events and following you around and not leaving you alone or respecting your space).

I know you’re not getting the responses you want, but the regular posters here get burned out by people who ignore their advice and keep coming back to make new posts with different names, asking the same question. We can tell when people do this. We also can’t wave a magic wand and make complicated situations go away.

This is not intended as an attack. We’re just tired. You’ll also not get solid advice if you’re not completely transparent about your situation. You have not presented all the facts in this post so you can’t possibly get good advice.

March 30, 2022 at 4:02 pm #932333

Raven

Well @Abby28/Molly27, I’m not the only one who responds to your posts… I am going to tell you the same thing. Talk with your therapist about this- if they can’t help you, we sure can’t.

March 30, 2022 at 8:22 pm #932336

ANM Staff
Keymaster

Thanks Liz and Raven! (And thank you to our other community members who have responded to OP over the years!)

@OP: Liz’s response sums up exactly what I want to convey: Our regular posters recognize the details you’re conveying, and they recognize that you’ve been posting about the situation for years, and they recognize when you post under a different name and leave out important context.

I’m not mad about this, and I don’t want to attack you or make you feel bad about these posts. I’m just tired and sad to see the same pattern come up. We’re at the point where it’s clear that you aren’t going to get any more information from posting here.

It’s time to stop this pattern. Posting the same story, without indicating that you’ve taken any advice here (or are actively ignoring it), is disrespectful. It’s disrespectful towards all the individuals who have spent time and emotional energy trying to give you advice. I know you’re hurting and hoping for relief, but this forum isn’t the right place for that anymore. Please don’t be surprised or hurt if you make a post like this again, and see that your post is deleted later.

And I’ll echo what Raven (and others) have suggested over the years: I hope that you can seek professional therapy to help you resolve this issue. It will go a long way to helping you feel healthier and happier.

Good luck to you!
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