Did I scare him off with this break up talk?

But, I would say that next time, have this conversation when he is not in exams. The outcome will be a more relaxed convo with a guy who cares. This one does not. Please stand up for yourself.

You’re not happy with getting scraps from this guy, you haven’t been happy for a long time, there is no point in being in the relationship if your needs are not being met.

He is a minimal effort guy who flat out told you that it’s how he is and he ain’t never gonna change for nobody, so I think you should call it in.

He’s not making you happy, drop his as*.

First of all, you should look up the anxious-avoidant trap, because you’re in it deep. You have a tendency to be anxious and worried about dating in the first place because of your own insecurities, and it’s very common in that situation to pair up with a distant guy who can’t give you what you need but bang your head against the wall endlessly trying to be the cool girl and ignore your own needs while hoping he’ll change. This reinforces your existing anxieties and insecurities and makes them worse and worse until you are miserable. These situations are not compatible, and he won’t change, not for the relationship. No one just changes, unless they want to and choose to for themselves, *outside* of the relationship. That’s no reflection on you or your value.

Second, flip your perspective on how you think about your partner’s exes / other when in general. There’s never a need to compare yourself to exes and other women, that’s another trap! More importantly, if a guy tells you all his partners left for a certain reason, that doesn’t mean you’re special for riding the problems out or that he doesn’t like you as much as them / doesn’t like you enough if you fail to make it work. It means he’s giving you a **huge red flag** that he’s a crappy boyfriend with the same pattern over and over and women get sick of being treated poorly so they leave but he still doesn’t take any responsibility to change. He just wants someone to put up with poor treatment, distance, lack of emotional intimacy, him doing whatever he wants without complaint. That’s you! You let him do whatever he wants without communicating your needs because you think he’s more important. You’re abandoning yourself just to avoid being alone, driving yourself crazy, getting jealous, being insecure, and most importantly not communicating. Not communicating your needs is death for any romantic relationship. If any man gets scared off because you communicate and have needs, GOOD. He’s doing you a favor and cutting the misery short (misery that can be as endless if you allow it to be by sticking around and not speaking up).

This dynamic is created by both of you. He’s a crappy boyfriend who doesn’t want to change, won’t get better at it, and will keep triggering your insecurities. You can’t change that. What you CAN change is your side of things. You need to work on trusting yourself, feeling comfortable having needs and communicating better, having healthy boundaries, not being afraid of abandonment or other women, and feeling secure. This is difficult to do, much easier said than done, I know! But it’s very, very important if you want to have a happy relationship with a man who can show up for you and you’re actually compatible with. Even if he changed, you’d still be insecure, that’s why this is a problem on both your sides, and your problem is totally separate from him no matter what he does. Take the focus off him, put it on you, how you meet your own needs, building up healthy self-esteem. Being scared of losing a relationship is a warning sign of lack of compatibility and will cause a self-fulfilling prophesy to happen anyway as you don’t communicate and get more and more unhappy. It sounds like a long list, but identifying the issues means you can now take action to tackle them if you want to. Start with looking up the anxious-avoidant trap, and go from there, see what other information that brings you. You’re absolutely not alone, lots of people have been in your shoes, which means there’s lots of helpful tools out there to get yourself out of the merry-go-round of choosing anxious-avoidant trap relationship men and how to build up your own security if you look or even talk to a professional.

hes told you flat out clearly. he is not going to change, not even for you. accept things the way they are, or leave him. hes making you miserable, so its best to let this relationship go. you guys dont fit. date others and hopefully you will find a better bf.