Home › Forums › Texting Advice › Did I text too much?
- This topic has 69 replies and was last updated 9 years, 3 months ago by
fine.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Good dancer
About 10 days ago I lost contact with a male friend of mine. He called me on Sunday night the 29th march when he asked me to go out that weekend. He was super friendly, even apologised for being aloof the week before after we slept together .
He is a massive texter, he will think nothing of sending 70 texts in a night when I am asleep . We have been friends two years.
So I texted him Monday just about something funny, and he didn’t reply. Texted him Tuesday and got a one word response.
Since then he hasn’t replied. On that last Sunday we spoke he apologised for his aloofness the week before and then I realised that he is doing it again. I kept texting asking if things were ok. He wouldn’t reply.
Friday came and I texted asking if we were still going out. No reply.
Friday I also started to really wonder what was going on. I sent about 15 texts asking if he is ok and what’s going on. He has some depression/ drinking problems so I started to worry , as he lives alone.
Saturday and Sunday I didn’t text at all.
Monday morning and I really started to worry. I was texting asking if he was ok. No reply . I called, no answer
We have been close friends for two years so i didn’t think it was like I was freaking out some guy I just started dating with my texting
All up in the last 9 days I have sent him about 65 texts
He has texted me that many in one hour before and he is always telling me people tell him he texts too much
One night when he was mad at me he fired 150 texts at me in 2 hours.
I found out from his friend that they got one text from him the other night so at least I know he is alive.
I am just worried as to why he won’t speak to me in 9 days when things seemed great when we last spoke and we had also arranged to go out this past weekend .
I think well was I too worried about him and sent too many texts? But he never once replied saying stop texting like a lot of people would, he just was completely silent.
I don’t know what to think.
A
Hey there :) Maybe you should give him some space? Perhaps he has a lot of things on his mind/he’s really busy and he might want some time on his own. Don’t keep bugging him every single day, check back on him after a week or so. When he’s ready to talk to you, he will. Don’t worry or think too much into things. Xx
good dancer
oh its been a real worry. He has never done this before.
I have stopped texting him. I just got concerned because he just wouldnt answer, not even one single word to ease my concern, and that got me really worried.
I have had a friend go missing before, police search etc. He knows this.
I am hoping that if he actually just never wants to speak to me again that he would actually say so, like “hey leave me alone” But i have received nothing of the sort. Silence is so confusing, you just dont know whats happened
Maybe thats a good sign,saying nothing, that he just doesnt want to talk and its not anything to do with me or my dumb texts.
Tried calling too a few times over the past 9 days. no answer
I did end up apologising for texting too much. No reply haha oh lordy
good dancer
thankyou A
I forgot to thank you
I am hoping you are right, and when he is ready to talk to me he will.
I am trying to chill out. i wish i never texted him. But i know he has a similar personality and kind of understands me.
He actually disappeared on me back in february for 6 days. same thing, wouldnt reply to texts at all.
When he finally surfaced a few days later, he texted me referring to me worrying about him vanishing saying “you are freaking nuts, but oddly i like it”
I hope this occasion will turn out the same.
This isnt some guy i met two weeks ago
I’ve been friends with him for two years. Recently we started sleeping together (a month ago)
Things changed after that, he kind of became more like a “guy” doing confusing stuff and even though he would tell me how much he likes me all the time, he has been going hot and cold.
Now its gone freezing
Diva
Hey Good Dancer, I remember your post from before :) Anyway I do think you should give him some space… Your concern for him can come off as needy or maybe even “annoying”… It kind of seems to me he can be playing a game to see if you care (immature I know) Is he the type of man that seeks lots of attention?
Good dancer
Diva
Thankyou so much
It occurred to me it might be a game to test me and see how much I care about him. Well he should have no doubt now.
I probably annoyed him but I think if he wasn’t wanting the attention surely he would have texted to stop contacting him? Isn’t that what most people do ? I think I would. Complete silence just seems like a test.
I can’t think of any situations where he likes attention particularly, He is a lot of fun to go out with and likes to be noticed then, but generally introverted on a day to day level
Diva
Well at this point I would I stop texting him… You did enough, and in MY opinion it seems to be a game and he is liking the attention you are giving him… Either that or he wants things to go back to normal so he’s giving himself that distance (normal in the sense of just “friends”) But only time will tell, jus be patient and keep us updated :)
good dancer
Yeah, a game Diva
theres no other explanation. I gave him plenty of opportunities to say “Dont contact me” but he didnt say anything.
The fact is, that i dont know whats going on at all, so i just left it by texting that, whatever is going on with him, or if something is wrong, i’ll still be his friend.
It just makes no sense this behaviour, he is always saying how much he likes me.
It must be a game to see how much i care. What else would it be? I would say 90% of my texts were expressing concern for his whereabouts, 10% were sounding a bit miffed. But i never said anything remotely abusive or bad. Just a bit pissed off. Mostly just worried
Just recently there has been a case of a woman going missing, the alarm was raised in just 12 hours of her last sighting , and the boyfriend was in tears on tv. No trace of her.
I dont think people who “intentionally” disappear or stop contact realise how upsetting it is when people just vanish. For all i know he could have come into foul play, (like this girl has) That what was going through my head.
So i am a little angry he put me through that worry for days on end
I know now through his friend he is at least alive, as he got a text from him
Mistral
Good dancer,
Hate to say this, but as far as the “dating/mating dance” goes, you’re NOT a good dancer. :( Sorry.
Thing is, you have already texted him so much, he’s not going to want a real relationship with you now. If he does ever get a hold of you again, trust that it will only be because he is lonely and bored and is hoping for some sexual satisfaction…be that in person or via sexting so he can masturbate via your sexting…
Sorry, but let this one go…good friend or not, you changed the dynamics of the relationship from good platonic friends to FWB and then you got all clingy on him with the excessive texting….
stefanie
Mistral, I see how you would think that but I have to disagree… given the number of texts he has sent her (150 in two hrs when he was PO’d at her!) , he’s twice as much the text offender… know what, this generation does so much more by text than yours and mine (I’m year 1 of Gen X) does, I’m not sure that those of us over the age of 35,40 or so are the best qualified to give advice on texting matters… and I definitely include myself in that. I’m practically allergic to text. If I could I would disengage the text function on my phone. Only use it for logistics purposes – meet me at X Street station, running late, etc.
I think it’s overall too much texting. Me, I would have called and left a message and left it at that.
EM
Stop texting him. You know that he’s alive so let it go.
It seems that his behavior is unhealthy. 150 messages in 2 hrs….thats too mucch and going MIA….the fact that he likes too much attention is a red flag.
Remain friends with him but don’t get into anything more…..he sounds like a trouble.
redcurleysue
I would leave him be….he is testing you.
Mistral
You may be right Stefanie, but I have a feeling that things changed when they started sleeping together. The relationship’s dynamic changed from “good buddies” to “we’re having sex now” whether you look at it as “just FWB” or “budding committed relationship”, it’s never going to be looked as the same way again.
Sex DOES change things.
Good Dancer, the best and only thing you can do now is not text him anymore and if you guys do keep seeing each other and sleeping together, treat him like you would ANY OTHER FIRST DATE…except that you do know each other well so you can have a little leeway with stuff like “remember when we did this…” but NOT when it comes to initiating calls, texts, dates, etc. Those fall in the “dating” category and not “friends” category…good ratio is 75% him initiating texts/calls and you 25%. For now, ALL dates should be initiated by him.
Sharon
Hi Good Dancer–
You must really be hurting. This sucks. I remember your original posting. This is the guy who said you were 98% of what he wants, right? And was coming off a bad breakup? The lone wolf guy?I hate that he’s not being a good guy. And you get that he’s not being a good guy right? I know you’re friends, then went FWB, and he keeps flaking off.
But it’s more than just flaking off, you know? He knows what he’s doing is causing you pain…but he doesn’t care enough about you to stop doing the thing that will hurt you! No bueno.
The guy you deserve is the one who has your best interests at heart. Not this lone wolf who turns his back on you every time he gets your full attention.
Stop wondering if he’s okay. He is. And FFS stop calling/texting! If he became stubborn after one or two texts, layering 60+ on top of that will not help. No matter how many texts he can grind out in an hour. None of your words of friendship and caring will make a difference to this…fool.(sorry)
Practice putting him behind you. You CAN’T keep going through this.If he pops up, and he will…be easy breezy. I hate the game, but let’s be honest: your indifference will drive him crazy. Get some of your mystery back. Keep him at arms length. Be strong! Keep us posted. <<hugs!>>
stefanie
Agreed Mistral, sex changes everything.
good dancer
Stefanie
yes, i am not sure about the texting, if thats why he has gone MIA but he gets told from everyone he texts too much
Even if i am asleep and its 2 am he has been known to send me 70 texts, just one after the other over 30 minutes. He is 44 years old!
44 years old, so he is pretty unusual in regard to texting
good dancer
Hi Sharon
yes, i wouldnt care if he wanted a month of no contact, all i ask is that he SAYS SO, like a normal person, and dont leave me guessing!
Thats why i texted too much , because i honestly had no idea if something bad had happened, I thought well ive asked if he just wants time away from me, and he wouldnt even answer that so i really thought maybe somethings really wrong?
good dancer
I havent texted since yesterday morning
Mistral
He sounds lonely…try this…I bet it’ll work…bring him right back in line…
DON’T initiate texts with him for the next few weeks…always let him be the one to text.
Every once in a while, change your normal pattern of how fast you respond to his initial text of the day and after a few hours…alternate between responding right away and making him wait about 10 mins one time, 15 the next, then answer in 2, etc.
Change it all up and if you’re actually really busy, take care of your stuff first and THEN answer his text.
He’ll suddenly be all up in your bees wax trying to figure out what’s going on with you and if you’ve found yourself a boyfriend!
You don’t act any differently than you normally do around him….be yourself. Let him wonder if you are or are not seeing someone else. The suspense will kill him and I believe he’ll start acting like a real boyfriend. :)
Yes, I realize we’re playing a game with him here, but, unlike most “dating games” that he probably has already figured out, this is a seemingly random pattern and it will drive him nuts not knowing if you’re playing a game (which you are) or really genuinely busy (which sometimes you could be), or you have found yourself a “beau”….
good dancer
I have no intention in texting him again
If he texts me, he can wait a week for a reply
Stefanie
Geez. I”ve never heard of ANYONE texting that much, and he’s only a few years younger than me. Serious question – does he leave the house, does he have a life??
I don’t think you did anything overtly wrong. I think he will be back, feels like a test to me. The real question is how much of this do you want to deal with.
good dancer
great idea Mistral!
He has told me when he was drunk he was lonely, I know he is
and yep i am not initiating anything. If he does text me i will try exactly what you suggest. I had had the idea a while back, but never implemented it, as im not really a game player. but maybe i should be.
However a few people here seem to think he has been scared off by my texting and i will never hear from him again, so anyway time will tell i guess
but i am definitely NOT initiating any further contact. If he does contact me i really have to change things around, like you say
good dancer
Stefanie
Yeah he has a job, sometimes works 12 hours a day , sometimes 4 depending on whats on
He mainly texts at night, when he is unwinding, not much during the day
good dancer
Yeah i agree stefanie
I think if this was a “get out of my life” thing, he would have said SOMETHING to that effect.
But since no response to anything, it feels like a test of loyalty. See how much i can stand or some sick test
Mistral
Hey GD, yeah it’s a test. It’s a test to see if you get needy on him…not clingy, just needy…he NEEDS YOU TO NEED HIM!!!! At first it was great because you WERE texting him like a crazed, worried woman! Now…, now is the perfect time to make him wait…
Turn the tables on his game :)
And the reason I know this all, is because I just did this a couple months ago to MY boyfriend…it worked like a charm…heehee! :)
-
AuthorPosts
