Did the fader,/Ghoster ever return… experiences please..

Yes I do! The same as you. He disappeared after about 1 month or so and came back. We were together 18 months and it was a disaster. He was never fully in the relationship and is the only man to have cheated on me.

I wasn’t what he wanted. If I had been, he never would have disappeared in the first place. But actually he wasn’t what I wanted either. That’s what I learned from this situation.

I did not have a fader or ghoster but I have had exs come back. One guy, who I told to go away and not to come back keep insisting through my roommate to speak with me.

I asked him that if I do have a conversation would he go away? He promised.

When I sat down and asked him what he wanted he said straight out “sex”. He said that although our personalities clashed he thought the sex was great. If I had not been insulted before I certainly was now…and he should have known that…but, I think he was so self centered that he could not see beyond himself. Obviously, I threw him out.

The point of all this is you have to be clear why they came back…and I do not do reruns.

Decent guys don’t ghost. Period.

Two I can say “ghosted” me although one I am kind of on the fence about because my definition of ghosting is vanished while in a relationship, and one of these guys merely didn’t call after a second date. But we’d been communicating for about a month.

First guy (the one that didn’t call after a second date) reached out a year and a half later. I had clicked on a virus that spammed his e-mail so he used that as an excuse to contact me. He claimed he DID text me after our second date but it must have dropped. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. We went out for about four months. After the first three weeks of the “relationship” his interest level waned considerably and I rarely heard from him. I hadn’t seen him for an entire month when we had an argument about his lack of effort and he dumped me through text.

Second guy, we just became exclusive and had been seeing each other for two months. In hindsight on our last date I sensed something was off…he was distant and on his phone a lot, texting. After the date, poof! Gone. He came back four months later saying he didn’t have an explanation for his behavior but he was sorry and wanted another chance. I gave him one. We made a date for the following weekend, about a day before the date the texts stopped and then the date never materialized and he was gone again. He tried coming back multiple times after that. Usually he would text intensely for a few days and then when it came time to make a date he’d vanish. I finally learned and blocked him on everything.

I understand how you’re feeling…that you just want this person back and you’ll do anything. But, for a guy to ghost to start with, his interest level was low. I know that’s a hard thing to realize. So, while my experience has been yes, they came back…they only came back to further waste my time. They didn’t come back to give me the relationship I deserve. And trust me, they know all the lines to say. They’ve watched the same movies, they’ve been around the block, and know that in our minds we’re the star of our own movie and we need a leading man to be opposite and the ups and downs make the whole thing all so romantic. Unfortunately, the hard truth is that a guy who ghosts and comes back is simply hard up and wanting attention. He never liked you all that much and that didn’t change, so once you give him what he needs from you he’s off again.

I have never heard of someone who was ghosted going on to have a stable successful relationship with the person who ghosted them. I’ve heard of people who broke up getting back together and getting married, etc sure…but not with someone who ghosted. As tremendously hard as it, with the voice of hard experience, try try try to mentally write him off. He’s not worth it.

*met someone pretty promising (not awful!)

Yes, many guys do come back.

My question to you is do you really want a guy who demonstrated such behavior back in your life?

Don’t waste your time on guys like this.

Yes I had the same ghoster return twice-silly me! The first time I really was new to dating and did not know that I should leave things alone-I was worried something had “happened” to him-lol and begged him to contact me. He did and we dated for another couple months until he broke up with me over text after starting an argument. Well-a month later he returned-could not” live without me, why did we break -up etc”. He came for the weekend-made amillion promises and promised to call me in the evening when he got home. Nothing. 5 days later,he sent a rambling “sorry” text-how I am so great, I am I his heart forever..but he can’t have a relationship right now …blah,blah.. Then he would send random texts that hurt and confused me,like he still cared,but… I finally told him”By your choice,we no lomger are in a relationship-do not contact me again. He replied Ouch and so be it. Never heard from him again. In hindsight,I should have stopped all contact after the first disappearance. I learned a lot from the whole experience..never again!

Quite honestly, I can’t remember! This was more than 20 years ago!

I think he came back about 2 months later. We just bumped into each other again and it went from there. We weren’t in a relationship before, so I wasn’t angry he’d disappeared on me. Plus I was young and stupid! But it taught me a lesson. Someone who disappears on you is unlikely to ever see you as enough to keep them happy. You’ll always be slightly chasing them or feeling let down.

Yes I had one. He was the first guy I seriously dated after my divorce. He broke up with me because I was getting too serious too fast. Which I have to say was true. I didn’t know how to “date” again after 24 years of marriage so I’m buying this guy gifts, cooking his favorite meals, keeping his favorite beer and snacks at my house WAY too early. He gets scared and breaks up with me. We kept in touch as friends for several months and he started getting jealous when I would share with him my online dating experiences. Finally after one particularly bad date in which he was texting me the entire time I was on my date, he decided he had made a huge mistake and wanted me back. Silly me I get back with him for a few months, he’s helping me move into a new house, helping me with house and yard projects, I’m hanging out with his kids (he never met mine) and he just disappears. No warning and right in the middle of a text conversation. Totally gone. Nothing.

I wasn’t heartbroken but I was certainly upset and wondering what I did wrong. I didn’t text him or call him. I just let him ghost. In order to cheer me up a friend of mine set me up with a guy she knew. She had been wanting to set me up with this guy for awhile but I was on and off again with this other guy so she never told me about him.

This guy comes to take me on our first date and he’s tall, handsome, funny, charming, hard working, kind and a gentleman. It wasn’t long before I was head over heels for him and had forgotten all about my ghost. Who of course did pop up 3-4 months later with all kinds of apologies and wanting me back. I told him I was seeing someone and he kept begging me to give him a THIRD chance. Oh and to finish the story..the guy I went on a date with only 2 weeks after I got ghosted is now my fiance!! Life can be funny sometimes. :)

Nat,

Funny you should say he’s a dick..He is also the one who sent me an unsolicited dick pic out of the blue when he knew I was seriously dating someone!! I mean did he reslly think that was a way yo get me back?! I get a picture of a sunset and him asking how I’m doing and the next thing I know I get THAT!!! I told him he was disrespecting me and my boyfriend and I could no longer talk to him or be friends with him.

He actually contacted me when I got engaged saying he is happy for me and wishes he could have had another chance. The guy breaks up with me, then ghosts me and he wants another chance to hurt me? No. And looking back now I can’t even imagine ending up with him instead of my fiancé.

I know the OP thinks right now she wants this guy back but I bet a year from now she’ll have trouble even remembering his name!! He’ll just be the ghost she dated for 6 weeks…good ole what’s his name?!?! Lol

LOL – he didn’t actually let you know. You chased after him and he blew you off and you thanked him for it. PLEASE don’t respond if he ever contacts you again.

Julia, I think he’s having his period…
You can do better!