Did the fader,/Ghoster ever return… experiences please..

Toni

Yes it had happened to me twice. They both came back and i said NO. One was very persistent, i ignored him. It went on for months. Kept messaging me but i was firmed. The other one texted me a month later and told me he misses me. IGNORED! If they ghosted you, they are not worth your time. So don’t even think about giving them a chance. I don’t care what their excuses are. It’s very disrespectful. But then again, that’s just me.

I was ghosted by the same man twice. Ghosted in March he came back apologizing in July. We stayed together for about 14 months and then he did it again. It has been one year since he ghosted this last time and I never saw nor heard from him again.

I am now 50years old and have had many relationships/half relationships and flings. It has taken me a long time to realise that there is no need to be active when it comes to dealing with dick heads. They ALWAYS ALWAYS pop up again and usually when you have just managed to stop thinking about them. Decent men, on the other hand, are either there or not there and do not play these mind games. They want to be with you or they don’t and, if it is the latter, they have the decency to tell you which allows you to feel respected and move on (even though you might still be hurt). Dickheads meanwhile like to keep you on standby and bring you out of the closet when they are feeling in need of something. So, do nothing. Wait and see and grin widely when you get the eventual ‘hey’ and IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE.

After a 12 yr relationship breakup, I took a 5 yr break from dating. I just worked and concentrated on my home and child- from the 12 yr relationship. Last May, I went to see my cousin’s band play at a bar. And there was this guy. Someone who I knew always had a thing for me but I ignored it over the years. I would always catch him looking at me. He was 9yr younger than me. I just didn’t pay no mind. So he comes up to me. We chatted, laughed, danced and had a blast. He then tells me he always had a thing for me his whole life. He would always ask my friend how I was doing over the years. But I explained my life was different. Won me over after a week of calling and texting. He called my friends to tell them he was genuinely interested in me. He broke down my iron clad wall. The relationship was just beautiful! He pretty much moved in after a month. We liked and hated same foods.He would say he was never so happy with anyone, he can be himself. He would say I could make him laugh so hard his cheeks would hurt. Said we had amazing sex. We would talk for hours. He was great to my daughter. Explained he did not have to parent but to do what he was comfortable with, they got along well. He was the first one to say I love you at the 3 month mark. I cooked and did his laundry. I didn’t ask for much financial contributions but said I do need help with food/water bill. He had a good job. Then 10 months in ….He texts me from work that he had to go to his dad’s grave with his mom after work. He never came to my house and never called. But phone calls ended, he wouldn’t answer. Random texts continued for 2 weeks stating he wanted things fixed, that he was going to call or come to my house. Never would happen. It was breaking me down emotionally. I texted him you know how to find me this weekend. Texting got to stop. If I don’t see you I know you don’t really care anymore. That was it. Seriously that was it ?! It is now 2 months and my heart is completely broken. No closure. I had to hear ppl talk in town for his explanation. It was being a parent to my kid was hard. Then he loves me and my child and he wants us fixed. WTH?!?! Then I hear his family is angry with him over me. His uncle made a point to look for him to tell him I will be his biggest mistake in life by letting me go. Just don’t understand this?! But ! I do know I did nothing wrong, not my fault. How do you make sense of this? I thought got along and had fun. I feel for anyone going they this. It’s the worst!!!!!

The posts are interesting but there wasn’t even one post about a women ghosting a guy and coming back. It was all about the guys doing the ghosting. I would like to read some about the opposite sex. Guys are bad no doubt but the gals do their fair share as well. I was ghosted by a gal pal of twenty two years, just 4 months ago and the pain is still very fresh in my head. There was a 21 year age gap. Her 45 me 66. I’m married and she’s married. If there’s women out there who’ve ghosted guys, I’d love to hear their stories and if they ever went back to the guys they ghosted

u hung up on him and so you made the move to resolve issues. he on his part heard you out and was ready to talk. well take it easy and take each day as it comes. and move on from the disagreement. all of us have disagreements. no big deal.

I obviously didn’t see it the way he did. I felt like an ass after he responded. The issue I see is he is not owning his part in it. He is going through something right now. I told him if he wanted to talk to me about I would listen, but he cannot take his mood out on me. What he is not saying and what I suspect is that I am part of the something he is going through. Eventually he will either open up about it or push me away. I am just going to give him space. I am going out of town this weekend and he decided he is going to go with a buddy as well, different locations for us. We will see what the next couple of weeks bring and go from there. We don’t live close enough to see each other during the week. Actually we do, still a 30+ minute drive between us and he has not met my kids and until he is ready to do so (again early in the relationship so I am in no hurry) we wont see each other during the week, just on the weekends when I don’t have my kids.

I agree that the ghosting terminology is overused, but it’s a colloquialism for our times. And I think no matter what generation it is, if someone you are consistently talking to decides for whatever reason that they no longer want to continue the friendship/relationship/dating situation – the decent, respectful, adult,common courtesy thing to do is tell that person and not disappear like an immature adolescent. So it’s definitely a problem. Of course there are times when it’s appropriate, like if someone is crossing boundaries and being disrespectful. But otherwise, be an adult and bow out gracefully. It’s one thing if the communication just fades over time, but it’s quite another to be talking to someone daily and then suddenly they disappear. That’s not OK, I don’t care if we’re talking about now or 200 years ago.

I have dealt with this issue with men I’ve met online and someone I dated for over 13 years. He would repeatedly ghost me and then return several months later, that was his M.O.
I have ghosted people myself, but only if it was because I had to because of safety issues or because they were being disrespectful or downright nasty. Otherwise, I try to be really straight forward and honest with people and respond to them because I know how infuriating and triggering it can be when someone disappears. I don’t think there is anything wrong with this generation desiring to be treated with RESPECT.

How did you tell him to butt out? Because some people want a partner and want someone they can be a partner with. he might have thought he was being a good supporter to you.

Did you say it kindly, I really appreciate your thoughts, but I need to think about it and I prefer we don’t discuss it unless I bring it up?

And do you work together? That is tricky.

Yes, we work together. He is the in field and I am in administration. We don’t see each other often, but talk regularly throughout the day. The argument that was about me taking another position with another company. I am a key employee and our employer countered. He wanted me to leave and cut ties, I could not walk away from counter offer and he knows it