difference between being exclusive, dating and GF

Livvi

“There are no legal ramifications for breaking up with your BF/GF. And, there are legal proceedings that are required to obtain a divorce, which might make couples more interested in working things out before filing for divorce. ”

Depends on what you mean by BF/GF, where you live, and what kind of law you are talking about (taxes? family? housing? civil? immigration?). Where I live couples who live together are legally treated like married couples. Only major difference is the paperwork.

But I think what matters more is how much the law should measure commitment. You point out *lots* of relationships work like legal marriages. More importantly the law changes. In 2015 the US legalized gay marriage. Commitments that had no or only quasi-legal status became a fundamental right overnight. Based on that I challenge the idea that law creates commitments. Instead, it looks like commitments create law.

Then it’s up to us to decide what we’ll tolerate. AND THAT is where the “sexual exclusivity” while seeing other people crap goes out the window, imo.

Em,

I believe you misread my post. In the United States there are no legal hoops you have to jump through to break up with a BF/GF. You can’t file taxes jointly. And, living together on its own has no legal significance. Although if you’ve purchased property together and cannot reach division terms on your own, then either party has legal standing to sue for a judicial division. Additionally, if you have children that always complicates things. It makes divorce messier, and it’s typically worse legally if the parties are not married at the time of separation.

Also, you misinterpreted my point about the possibility of commitment before marriage. Nothing but marriage works like a marriage. In the United States marriage is a legally binding contract between two parties. Marriage and Holy Matrimony are two separate things. With marriage you get additional legal benefits not given to those who are umarried: ability to jointly file taxes, claim benefits on behalf of a deceased partner, spousal communication privilege in court, etc.

No one should reasonably forsee that the law will change to offer these benefits to unmarried partners. That is why I assert that a legal commitment isn’t the only type of commitment available to couples. My point was that you can be committed without being legally committed.

As far as cohabitating couples go, there are legal precautions you can take in order to protect yourself in the event of a separation. Cohabitation Agreements (similar to prenups) are becoming more common in the Unites States, and because they are binding contracts they are enforcable by the courts in the event that either party breaches the terms.

Jade,

I still don’t understand how this concept confounds you. First, you don’t tell the guy on the first date, “Yo bro, I’m looking for something sups serious, like a long term relationship or whatever. So just a heads up if you haven’t asked me to be your GF in 8 weeks I’m dippin’.” DUH NO. It’s a mental timeline that you keep to yourself. And, obvi its adjustable. If you’re only seeing a guy once a week for a couple hours (he probs isn’t that interested), then it might take more than 8 weeks for him to broach the topic of labels.

But, if everything else in your relationship is going well (he’s doing at least 80% of the initiation, he progressively wants to spend more time with you, he plans fun, thoughtful dates, begins to introduce you to family and friends, etc.) and the 8 week mark roles around and he hasn’t mentioned labels or monogamy once then somethings wrong.

Also, sexual exclusivity doesn’t just benefit men. You should keep dating others until he expressly states that he only wants to date you. You can have total exclusivity without being in a labeled relationship.

There is a difference between sexual exclusivity, total exclusivity, committed relationships, and marriage.

With sexual exclusivity you are sexually exclusive. You are not engaging in sexual activity with anyone else. Sexually qualifies exclusive. You are free to talk to and go on dates with others, but there can’t be sexual activity with them. Typically outside of then confines of dating with a relationship in mind, sexual exclusivity is seen in FWB. You agree to only sleep with one person at a time.