Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Disabled partner struggling, break up?
- This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 1 month, 3 weeks ago by
Blake.
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Blake
Hello,
We are in a relationship of a year and have planned a future together, our relationship is very healthy and has open communication.
I’m in a wheelchair, I have a condition where I will always be in one and require help for a lot of things. I can’t walk at all and can help around the house with chores etc. I have a manual wheelchair I use for traveling though so he requires to push me and help me more because I can’t move myself in it, making it harder for me to help around. Due to this he expressed it’s mentally really hard on him, mostly when we go on trips because he worries for the future and how much he has to help me a lot. He really likes independence and has imaged a life where we do our own thing then come to each other, I can only do so much of this. I want this too but it’s limited. We’ve looked into a manual wheelchair that has a power connector so I can drive myself, it will help a little more with things when traveling but even with these steps it’s still taking a big tol on his mental state – and mine because I physically cant do anything. Other things like pushing me towards getting a drivers license (when they don’t really know if I can drive cars but he’s researched it and said there are) and to work on myself for my career. I know he means well and loves me as I am but it’s also.. hard to see when I must change things – even though it’s for the better.He loves me and wants to try get through this, try change his mind set. I understand that it’s hard to date someone disabled, it’s also just difficult for me as it’s never been a problem with previous partners. My reason for leaving an ex was other problems – this is the only issue we have. I know it’s a big one and I’m so afraid in a few years time it will still be too much for him. We plan to live together next year so I guess he’ll truly know then but that means staying with him and trying, I have very bad abandonment issues. I cannot help but think badly which doesn’t help- thoughts like if it’s too much for him or me in the end we will break up and I’ll just become content being single, perhaps this disability is too much for anyone. It’s really gonna break me if we break up and that’s the reason, I don’t think I’ll recover.
Raven
Can you hire a Caregiver?
My husband has a MAJOR chronic illness. We talked bluntly & in detail bout this before we were official. It sounded heartless on my side, but I knew what I was was willing to do & I needed for our relationship to work.
You two need to have the same conversation.
Good Luck 🍀Blake
We have had very blunt conversations, I do have a caregiver, we don’t live together yet but agreed when we do he will help only in the weekends to get me out of bed in the mornings so they aren’t there every single day.
He wants to limit caregivers eventually but I know I’d require more help from him so ultimately it comes down if he can accept it and not let it take a mental toll, I’ll never be able to be fully independent – or at least in my own way independence is with caregivers too -
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