Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Distance after each great date?
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Emotional Dater.
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Lylah
Hi,
I’ve been trying to find previous threads but they must be buried! I’ve found after the last few dates, (which have been going REALLY well) he tends to go a bit distant for a few days. He says he has a great time after the date, then the sweet good morning texts stop, I get the occasional short how’s your day txt then mainly silence for 2-3 days. Then a few days later he is back to himself??
I do know work has been bothering him lately, perhaps that’s part of it. Just it seems to be a pattern forming. Maybe I’m just reading way too much into it. If so, whats the best form of action? Go no contact? Be short in return?
Lylah
Actually just started reading the he’s not complicated book and found my answer in there lol. I’m definitely over thinking things! After all, he may not have the time or inclination to txt much but he does still send the odd thinking if you txt in his roundabout way, plans for the weekend and is always attentive and fun on our dates! Sorry for my hasty freak out post haha. Think I’ll go back to mirroring his texts and keep busy!
ChloE
I know exactly what you’re talking about! After a great time with my guy he becomes distant also. I think it’s a good thing though. Obviously they like us if they are taking their time to visit us and take us out. My personal theory of why they may do this is bc they like us so much they don’t want to scare us off so they don’t necessarily “play games” but hold back a little. This really bugged me at first but now it doesn’t. Just like u said we can’t over think it. Who knows maybe they could be experiencing such strong emotions for us that they withdrawal bc they are a little scared. Also if you just spend time with someone “one on one” you probably don’t have much to say after that through text or phone. So they probably don’t know What to say other then ” I had a great time.” Then a few days pass and they’re back to normal. Ultimately we will never really know why men do what they do so there is no point worrying about it like u said lol.
mpc
My guy does the exact same thing. It bothered me and worried me at the beginning when he first started doing it. We would have an awesome date and then the next day I’d hear from him, but very little. He seems to only do it for a day, then the 2nd day he picks up a little more and by the 3rd day, he’s hot and heavy again – and making plans to see me again. It’s kind of funny to me at this point because he is pretty predictable with this. After having done this for a month now, I have come to expect it and not freak out and give him the space I feel he needs. Men…. SMH.
ChloE
Yeah! I don’t understand it at all!! LoL these guys are crazy! And they say we’re the crazy ones. At least our emotions don’t make us do weird shit like that lmao! ;)
Janice
I am having the exact issue!! We really enjoyed each other’s company mentally and physically but he has been quiet for a couple days. With this kind of behavior, it can be that he is not that into you but I hope it is not the case with me. He has said to me that “you might as well be my gf since we have been talking for so long,” face to face and “whats up girlfriend?” in a text but we have not discuss it because I kind of let it go past me when he said it. Guys would not say that if they don’t want you to be their gfs right? I am just so confused….
ChloE
It’s so hard dating I know but I personsonally don’t think a guy would call you his gf and not actually want u to be his gf. My guy calls me his gf but still gets distant after great dates and sometimes while texting. I wouldn’t let any of it get to u. Take everything he does and says with a grain of salt (or however that expression goes lol) until u know for certain u guys are in a relationship (when it’s so obvious you have no doubts. ) Right now just have fun with it, be positive, be yourself & don’t worry about the little things. I know it’s easier said then done, trust me!? But we have to keep ourselves mentally healthy and stable to be able to be in a healthy relationship and worrying about the little things will just add negativity to the relationship and that will definitely ruin it more then anything. I’m dealing with all these issues myself so I definitely know what u guys are going through. I’ve been so desperate for a healthy relationship that it’s effected my dating life but thanks to this site I figured out what I was doing wrong and I have been working on correcting my problems and insecurities and I don’t find myself worrying over the little things as much anymore. But yes I’d say he really means it Janice. Eric and Sabrina always say to always assumed he likes you until you know for certain otherwise. It will release positive vibes within yourself and relieve stress of not knowing. I don’t know if any of you are familiar with “Quantum Theory Physics.” but it’s the scientific theory that if you believe in something whole heartedly it WILL happen. Everytime Sabrina and Eric say something about assuming that a guy likes you or assuming that the relationship is good and keeping the relationship positive it always makes me think of this scientific theory! I believe in Quantum Theory and I believe that I can have the life I always wanted. And I also believe each of you girls can also!! Just stay positive and stay happy girls! ! :)
Janice
Thanks Chloe…I am working on myself as well but it is just courtesy to get a reply text back. I know he is the type that like an element of a surprise so I will wait but am going on other dates in between. I guess if he snoozes he looses. Haha
ChloE
There ya go! Definitely go out on other dates! Be Single until you are in the relationship u want ;) ?Best advice EVER probably and good luck with that guy and on ur other dates!
Amanjeet
Hi Lylah,
I went through the exact same thing as you a couple of months ago. I went on various dates with a guy and had a great time only for him to be really distant with me for a few days and then come back. It became a bit of a game, and I didnt like it. I used to question why is he playing with my mind. Ive always believed that if someone wants to talk to you they will. I think this guy you are seeing is probably testing the waters but because you are making yourself available to him he may see this as not much of a chase if that makes sense. Of course, you probably think the same as I did which was if I am free then i have no problem with meeting up. The guy i was dating did the same as what your guy is doing, and in the end he stopped altogether and ended up telling me he didnt feel his feelings had developed like mine had which is really odd as he was very open about how he felt and i wasnt so much to begin with.
I think the best thing to do is to leave it a few days and if he talks to you he probably is wondering where you have gone and why you havent messaged him. If he doesnt get in contact with you then honestly move on. I know its hard, but you should be appreciated and anyone who wants to make time for you certainly will – dont settle for anything less. A few nice dates was probably great but the days after wondering and questioning why hasnt he got in contact just isnt worth the hassle, i dont think. You are worth someones time and effort and if he isnt making much contact with you after the dates then i wouldnt waste my time.
Hope that helps.
Honey Mendez
I went to a date with a Capricorn guy, we met online we talked for like two weeks and we went on the most amazing date ever!!! we spend 12 hours together, holding hands kissing he even introduced me to his “right hand guy” as his lady. I had an amazing time and i though we connected. He texted me when he dropped me off home making sure I was okay. the next day I told him how amazing the date was and I thank him. He told me good morning and that he called out of work, the next day (monday) he didnt text me until 10:30 pm. I dont think he is into me and he is just being nice about it and not tell me straight to my face! smh! when I though I found my match.
Reader
So Mpc, you want to hear from him the the next day after the date multiple times?
Is that not being too needy, or a desperate attitude? C’mon now!!Be appreciative of the fact that he keeps in touch regularly, it is not a good mindset to think you should be the only thing on a guy’s mind 24/7 and that he has to text and call you every minute of the day to make you happy.
that is stifling!!!
Anonymous100
FYI Old post pushed up by Honey Mendez today.
HM – You went on ONE date, a long one at that. Chill out. He’s not your boyfriend. Honestly, talking to a guy for two weeks before meeting and having a 12 hour date takes out all the mystery and intrigue that keeps a man hooked. You should cut down on the time you spend with him if he asks you on another date.
Emotional Dater
I’m a 29 year old Single Mother.
Date #2 was last night. His tool was all up in my energy ;) I loved it. He loved it – and shared that he loved it with me.
It’s 11:37pm, he did not text me goodnight. He did not text me much today.
I visited this page, to not feel alone, in my racing thoughts and heavy emotions tonight.
My insecurities want to request he get the moon for me, so I know he cares for sure – for sure. I would most likely ask him for some stars next, though.
If they like us, they will help us.
Period.
& we should always be more focused on THEIR feelings for US than we are about our feelings for them.
I’m fn3k!ug feeling those feels for this guy. He’s amazing. Date #3 will be this weekend. I’m sure about my feelings.
He has his different, man-type, ways of showing me he’s sure, for sure – for sure.
But, is he sure? Hmm. (My insecurities telling at me again)
Thank you ladies for sharing, to support me tonight.
With love,
C.
Emotional Dater
Awesome! Thank you. <3
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