Distance is causing issues

I’ve posted about this relationship before. We are both (f) late 40s . We live 80km an hour drive apart. We both have a daughter each 15.

We have taken the girls away on holiday together, had done outings but the girls will not say one word to one another. They dont dislike one another but neither initiates conversation. Even sitting next to one another on a plane. My girlfriends daughter is prone to anger outbursts, she is on the spectrum so generally my girlfriend will make life easier by catering to what she is wanting. Even if this means that our plans suddenly change when we are on an outing, this includes suddenly going home after a planned day out.

We have been going out together for 10 months now. We have plans for the future and my girlfriend talks about marriage.

We have gone away several times during the time we have been together for 4-5 days and it’s always great. We have such a great time together when we don’t have life and work stresses.

We have tried having her work from my place one day during the week she doesn’t have her daughter which gives us an extra night but there have been a number of times when she has had to cancel due to work deadlines or migraines. These migraines seem to be semi frequent and have caused us to loose a weekend here and there. These cancellations have caused my daughter to vocalise doubts. I think she feels that I get let down when plans get cancelled.

We are both feeling like we don’t get to see one another enough. We both want more but still don’t know how to make this work. I’m now having doubts. Our children don’t make it easy. It’s like they both disapprove but don’t come out and say so. It’s starting to feel like at this stage we should be coming together more. It only takes a migraine where my girlfriend gets physically ill to miss out on a whole weekend together.

She has on occasion brought up that seeing friends is tricky as well because we only get to see one another on the weekends so it makes it hard to fit in friends. This is often framed that if I want to catch up with someone else then she would be fine with it. The weekend she has her daughter I have a couple of times chosen to catch up with someone and she will feel sad that we didn’t get to spend the night. I would rather be with her but when she keeps bringing it up I feel that she is hinting that she wants a free weekend.

I want this to work. When we are together it feels magic, it feels like anything is possible. But that joyful feeling is still fading as the week progresses. Waiting 4 years until our children finish school and we can move to be together is starting to feel far to far in the future. I’m not sure I can keep sustaining one or two nights on the weekend (depending which week it is) and still feel like I’m in a relationship .

How would others handle this ?