Do ghosters come back?

Hey thanks guys. I do realize my ego is really hurt especially since I don’t really date I tend to tread carefully. I feel as though I should’ve saw the signs since he was coming on super strong. As I reflected there was things I could’ve done differently but I still feel as tho my feelings didn’t deserve to be disregarded in such a way. I wish that healing could happen faster but it is a process. I appreciate y’all responses. But being ghosted really f****ing sucks.

So, I’m thinking back to all the guys I dated in my 20s before there was text and social media. Sometimes I would sleep with them, sometimes I wouldn’t but if I didn’t want to see them again… I just stopped taking their phone calls. I don’t remember it being such a big deal. It happened in reverse, too. A few of them just stopped calling me. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt, but giving it a name and making a big deal about it just seems to prolong the agony.

They just aren’t that into you.

You certainly sound like you have the right mindset, that you did not deserve it and he treated you horribly.

Because no one deserves to be dumped like that.

LC,
This is just an example of how important it is to listen to your gut. You said “I was honestly freaked out by how fast everything was going, but his actions were matching his words so I started to believe this could be “it.””

That was your gut telling you to listen. We all want to believe there are exceptions to the rule, but any man who can lay it on like that so quickly and heavily can easily do the opposite. Which is what you just went through. I honestly don’t think people like that think they are lying. I think he probably believed what he said and did in the beginning — but people like that are flaky and fickle.

I can empathize with the pain caused just by how he ended it. I’ve been there. People don’t have a right to wreak havoc on other people’s hearts but it happens. In my case I just used it to learn from — to never do that to anyone, and to listen to my gut. And I’ve followed that — there have been guys that I wished I could just ghost but I didn’t. I ‘womaned up’ and ended things clearly and respectfully — I even had one guy yell at me with a litany of insults. I knew he was just hurt and promptly said goodbye, then blocked him from contacting me ever again. But my point is, I will never disappear, I will give others the respect that I wanted and deserved from that guy who ghosted me. That’s my point. Unless personal safety is involved, I’ll end things how I want people to end things with me, and hopefully those I end things with will go on and conduct themselves in the same manner in this dating madness. It’s a crapshoot but it’s the harder path I don’t mind taking.

Ladies I am completely with you. It is quite bizzare – and very sad – that we have to reiterate and fight and insist that disappearing and vanishing is a cruel, disrespectful behavior. In any circumstances, but especially if there was already something going on between people, with labels or not. Even after one date it is still rude. The very fact that we have to fight off those who insist there is nothing wrong with it, shows just how trashy are the times we live in.

It is also quite sociopathic to insist that there is no difference between a person vanishing and a person ending things with you normally. Every normal human being would know that there is a HUGE difference and that it is much more damaging and hurtful to have someone just vanish than end things with you first. I can only begin to imagine how awful it feels if it comes from a guy you actually dated. I was ignored when I tried to reach out, and it felt horrible. If it came from someone I dated, I don’t even know what to say.

Ladies, if this happens to you, do not keep it inside. Give those morons a piece of your mind. LOL This will spoil their day, maybe even several days, and it would also help you to move on. If someone punches you in your face, are you going to stay there and do nothing? Then they’d keep on punching. If not you, then others. If every time someone got a punch back when they insulted you or hurt you without any good reason (how hard is it to sent a quick text and then block a person if you don’t want to talk?), then next time they’d think twice.

The same goes for physical violence. When a man hits a woman, he knows she is weaker and can’t fight back. That he can overpower her and hurt her even more. Let him try and punch a big guy. What do you think will happen? And unsurprisingly, all those anger management issues get immediately under control – when they dealing with big guys. Abusers learn how to control their urges very quickly this way.

Every time someone as much as attempts to insult you, punch back and punch hard. Do not let any underhanded remark slide by. Confront them and repeat it and ask what they mean by that. And if they do anything other than apologize, you make sure they get to hear from you on this and do not try to be tactful. There won’t be too many attempts after that. Abusers abuse those who let them. They do not abuse “big guys”. And if there are some attempts again, then walk away immediately. Do not try to understand his past, his reasons, do not try to fix or work on things. Be smart and walk away.

In this case, when someone sais “do I have your permission to continue to fall for you”, my “phony bologny” alarms would go off. What man would talk this way? it is not smooth, it is so cheesy I have no words. Likewise, if the guy is moving THAT fast, it would end up being a problem, so a good reason NOT to proceed.

It is on us to learn how to protect and defend ourselves. It starts with “screening”. it takes smarts to walk away from “flagy” men. Those who wave red or yellow flags. Moving too fast is one of the top 10 red flags. Men date dozens women and if they see “red” flags or something they don’t like, they do not proceed, women agree to every second date they are asked on, it seems. Be more discerning. It is better to be single than dealing with the aftermath of being involved with dorks.

I was ghosted about a month ago it was going the serious direction.. we were both casually dating.. he did come back this week. He started making small talk on Sunday.. then I asked why is he back now.. he apologized and said he was going through some things and what he did was wrong, so he took responsibility. We are meeting up tomorrow to have an honest conversation, then I will decide if this is worth my time. So yes, in this case the ghoster came back.. I also did not pursue or write any messages and just put focus on me. So I’m in a healthier place too. This forum helps a lot.

anon.. I wasnt needing advice but thanks.. there was another thread to this to the stiutation that happened. It was both of us.. but thank you <3

Verna,
I’d take him to small claims court to get your deposit money back. He stole money from you, plain and simple. Not only is he a piece of garbage, he’s a thief.

I was ghosted by a gal but I believe I already know my answer although I’d like to get a little feedback on my story to see if I’m correct. I am 66 years old and the woman 45. I met her in a drive thru at a fast food joint. We were together as friends for 22 years. I watched her children grow up from birth to adulthood. We spent a lot of time together as friends, went to many shopping trips, disney world, i paid a lot of her bills and xmas for her kids, etc etc and even bought her a new car a few times and after a few years we became intimate off and on until I was ghosted 4 months ago. What complicates the friendship/relationship was she allowed me to take many intimate and coarse pictures of her over the years (last time was 2018). I’ve always loved her from the first day I met her but she always told me she only considered me a close friend and didn’t love me. During all of this affair I was a married man but to a drunk and a crack-head wife. The woman I’ve been seeing met a fellow who she ended up marrying 11 years ago and they had a kid together. At that point, I should have quit fooling around with her and respected her marraige. But she allowed me to continue with my pictures and us having sex. Four months ago my drunk wife found some recent pictures (three years earlier) that I had hidden on my computer and forgot about deleting. I usually kept them for about a year before destroying. Anyway my wife found them and sent her husband a copy. That’s the last time I heard from her and I’ve been blocked on all her social media accounts and her son said that she said it will be “forever” before I ever hear her voice again. Now her kids have also blocked me because I angered her for going thru them to find out why she ghosted me and she’s equally angry because I continually tried to message her before she finally blocked me everywhere. WILL I EVER HEAR FROM HER AGAIN?? I would never try to get her to cheat on her husband again but we were both equally at fault and I wish she would at least message me,
. I’ve always been good to her and never once hurt her in any way in the past 22 years.

Poor Little Willy…
As fake a post that has ever been posted.

Let me start off by saying I had been talking to this guy for around 5 months. He was very giving in the beginning (ofc he was, trying to get something out of it) and then the consistency stopped. We would hangout loosely and I made it clear to him that I don’t like people who can’t communicate. I was annoyed that he wasn’t making the same effort anymore. A week ago I had sent him a message and it just sat there— delivered. It was making me anxious. I know this person isn’t worth my time. A part of me wants him to come back so I can tell him off. How does one find closure

I was also ghosted 2weeks ago. We dated for 3months and after I was ready to open up to him, he decided not to talk. I texted him and asked if he still wants it and he answered “I don’t want to force things that might hurt us” uuhmm we haven’t even started yet. I was taking things slow when it comes to my emotions though we got physical at some point. I just don’t understand guy’s point of view. 3months is not enough to know a person, likes, interests and pet peeves or probably he’s just not that in to me so I shall say, THANK YOU, NEXT!