Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Do I confront him about it?
- This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 4 years, 7 months ago by
Lane.
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Trish
So I started talking to this guy right before quarantine online. We’ve clicked and really hit it off. Zoomed a few times, text all the time, send photos, etc. We actually met this past weekend and it went very well (from my end at least).
Here’s the issue. From what I’ve seen on social media, I’m pretty sure he recently broke up with his ex but is still living with her. I feel that I’ve made the mistake of not asking about living situations early on. He keeps saying he moving out of his “place” (really….her house) but it’s been 2 months since that was supposed to happen and keeps getting pushed off it seems. I ask about roommate things and he keeps it very vague or just ignores the question all together. It bothers me because he’s seemed so upfront about everything else in his life. And I have been with him.
After meeting, he has seemed to have backed off a bit, and I kind of want to ask what’s going on since he was so into it before we met. I get things change in person, but I don’t know if I’m over thinking it? The ex thing is bothering me. Is that my business to get into at this point? If we’ve only been talking and met once? Or should I just go with the flow? How do you confront something like that, when they haven’t shared it?
Anon
You don’t need to confront him. Wait till he asks you out again and then you say- I’m not sure if we should be dating while you’re getting over your ex-gf as it seems like you’re still living with her. When you’ve moved on, feel free to contact me then.
If he’s backed off that’s because you have set some good boundaries as to what you will accept from him by questioning whether he’s really single/moved on by asking about the living situation and he probably hasn’t and knows you would not put up with that.
Again, don’t do anything- and I would not entertain this man by texting him either.
Lane
Stop wasting your time on these types of men. There are better guy’s out there who aren’t lugging around a bunch of baggage, and still emotionally or physically tied to an ex.
He’s in “rebound territory” (look it up), and that is the worst place you can go or be with a man. He isn’t looking for a relationship, he’s just enjoying the attention he’s getting from women. In a nutshell, your just a band-aid he’s using to not have to deal with the hardships of going through a breakup.
If he refuses to answer simple questions, then he’s hiding something big. The one thing I will tell you about men, is that, if they can’t be fully open, honest or transparent with you from the get go, then nothing will materialize, such as a relationship, because they are going into it fraudulently. He’s a fraud, he knows it, and is now getting a case of guilt, which is why he’s pulling out.
You need work on your ‘guydar’ which is spotting these frauds early on so you don’t get entangled in the rebound zon or with emotionally unavailable men. As a good measurement; for every 5 years they’ve been together, they need at least a minimum of a year, some longer depending on the circumstances, such as living together, engaged, etc., to fully heal from a breakup. I personally don’t go near a man who recently broke up within 9 months (for short ones) to a year or two (for longer ones), or still entwined with or carrying around negative baggage from the last relationship. They will get walking papers on the first date!
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