Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Do I have a right to be sort of disappointed in my boyfriend for my birthday?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 6 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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MARI
We are in lockdown, so plans are hard to make. We have been dating for two years. Last year I went through a miscarriage, so had a difficult birthday.
He decided to make me cake and dinner for my birthday.
When I arrived at his house, he gave me a card and flowers (he had previously purchased me a gift of theatre tickets). He had not yet started cooking and the process was taking quite long. I am a good cook so I helped him out with some things.We had a good chat and then had dinner, and he got quiet and the conversation sort of fizzled out. He asked to lie down in bed for a bit with me, and then he fell asleep for a short while.
He attempted to pleasure me when he woke up but I wasn’t really in the mood, so we just had sex.
I then said I did not want to stay in bed on my birthday, so we moved to the lounge room and I asked to do cake. It was the first time he had made a cake in his life.
Anyways, he seemed tired and the conversation was a bit dry, and he asked me if I wanted to watch something or go home.
I ended up going home as it was late, but I felt that he wasn’t very present or festive and now I feel disappointed.
Tallspicy
Ok to be disappointed in the situation, not with your boyfriend. He made an effort and it is not his job to keep you in a good mood. If in general he is a good guy, just let it go. Sometimes you both are not in a good mood.
T from NY
I love when people I love make an effort for my birthday too. BUT I’m general there is just too much emphasis put on these events. If he is overall a good boyfriend I would definitely let any feelings of disappointment go and next year be more direct about what you want! Literally – my last relationship (with an awesome man) I told him “Babe for my birthday I want a picnic packed and a cake ready before I come over”. That morning when he texted me I asked “So how much time do you need to have everything ready? Remember we meet my friends for drinks at 6”
This is just an example. But he had everything ready and we had a wonderful afternoon. Even if he hadn’t had everything perfect I would have so appreciated his efforts because he was good to me, pretty much all the time anyway. Especially during this pandemic time it’s important to keep things in perspective and appreciate what really matters.
Raven
Your feelings are your feelings…
Sorry about your miscarriage. Sounds like you might need to find a trained someone to talk with…
Liz Lemon
Your boyfriend may have felt anxious or pressured to give you a nice evening, which is why his conversation was strained. I think T from NY is right, that too much emphasis is placed on these types of events. They get built up, and then people feel pressured and it’s hard to act naturally. I also agree with Tallspicy. It sounds like he tried– he did step up and make the effort. If he is overall a good boyfriend, just let it go, and appreciate that he tried.
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