Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Do I say something or step back for awhile?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 4 years, 9 months ago by
K.
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Mal
My man and I were together for 2 1/2 years and I recently moved from Colorado to Boston for medical school. We officially broke up in October due to the distance but since then have kept in touch and would see each other once a month (he is from Boston as well). We both are free to date other ppl however with school, I haven’t gotten around to it / don’t really care to. (he has gone on a couple dates but nothing too intense- we are still very much in touch)
I know my ex still loves me because he has mentioned it before but there is some tension since I moved back. We lived together in Colorado but I had to move back to Boston because it was a solid move for my career/financially the right decision… However, it crushed my ex and at times he will lash out to me about it.
He has his wall up and will put it down briefly but the minute we start getting close again it goes back up. At this point I am not sure exactly how to handle this situation. I love him dearly and have an opportunity to move back to Colorado come November for work / to make the relationship happen again. He is up and down with it all- he can be extremely emotional / stubborn.
Should I give him space and let him come to me? Do I walk away entirely? Do I give an ultimatum?
I just can’t deal with the ups and downs of his mood anymore. I love him and want to make it work.
Miss_A
You say: “He is up and down with it all- he can be extremely emotional / stubborn… I just can’t deal with the ups and downs of his mood anymore.”
Has his mood/personality always been this way, or is it just since the breakup?
Mal
He can be an emotional person- very loving and affectionate in our relationship. But since the breakup, he has been very up and down towards me. I try not to react because that’s the advice I read on this website.
redcurleysue
If you feel he loves you like you love him just tell him that his moods get to you and see what happens. If it continues then you have a decision to make.
K
It’s time for a good long walk and talk. As soon as it’s possible. This is really a discussion that should be had in person if at all possible. If not, then by video chat. You need to see body language.
You need to determine if he’s ever going to get over your moving to Boston or if he’s going to keep holding it against you and punishing you. That means getting all of his feelings about it out on the table and giving them a good airing. I’m guessing he feels abandoned or something along those lines and might not feel like he can count on you. I’m not saying it’s right. But you say he’s blowing hot and cold so clearly he’s holding onto to something.
If you can talk it through and he believes he can move past it, then you can discuss your moving back to Colorado and getting back together. But if you can’t get a clear answer from him, then you need to decide if you’re going to move back for yourself or stay in Boston because it’s best for you.
Someone who truly loves you will hate to see you leave but if it’s good for your career advancement then they will support. Some years ago I moved to LA to take a job and my boyfriend and I technically broke up but kept in touch, and when I could move back to the city we’d lived in, we got back together. He was sad to see me go but it was an opportunity to take a plum job at the company HQ and he wanted me to advance myself. He never blew hot and cold about it. He’d say it was hard being away from me but he was glad for the chance I had to develop my career and make more money. He was thrilled when I said I had the chance to return to our city.
If your guy is all over the map about it, your relationship may have run its course and you shouldn’t move back thinking he will welcome you back with open arms and want to resume the relationship.
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