Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › Do men you briefly dated ever come back?
- This topic has 23 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
tammy.
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Anne
I’ve had so many friends the past few days tell me, I feel like this guy is going to come back.
But after a few dates, and he tells you that he isn’t feeling it, I feel like it’s a nail in the coffin. I’ve been debating this and friends think I’m off!
Sure , if we had dated for a few months but a few dates!?
I Am not sitting around and wait for this guy. But I’d like to hear if anyone had a story where this has happened
Khadija
Guys who tend to come back are here for the following:
– Sex
– An ego boost (because they recently got dumped or a dating situation did not work out)
– Boredom
– And last but, not least a genuine second chanceIts rarely the latter, so if a guy who told you he wasn’t feeling or ended comes back really think about it. Do you really want to revisit a chapter you already read?
Dee
Not a guy who said “he wasn’t feeling it”
But guys who I’ve been imitate with – and didn’t work out for whatever reason – there was attractions or unfinished business – always came back.
But if a guy is not feeling you after few dates – why would he come back.
Algo
Are the chances high he’ll come back? Hell yeah!
Are the chances high he’s worth reconsidering? Hell no!
Haley
Hm interesting question –
I’ve dated guys briefly, and only one came back with a lazy text of “Yo, what’s up.”
To which I completely ignored and didn’t respond, because I was already seeing someone that I was interested in (this ended up going for 4 more months), but ultimately, I was happier with someone else, and didn’t feel the need to respond to his lazy crumb of a text.Honestly, I’d be wary of a man who came back around, period (irregardless of how long you’ve dated, had sex etc etc). He needs to come back changed and hungry to want something with me again, and to show that THIS TIME around things will work, and he’s in it together to fix and grow together, build a deeper connection w/ each other. Now, most of the times, this doesn’t happen and it’s usually lazy texts or calls that men come back with, that women tend to fall for. So, unless it’s a real dedicated, committed attempt of “I f*cked up, I want to be with you again, let’s give it another go and let go of the past” then I am not putting my chances on him.
Move on w/ your life, and be the best version of yourself you possibly can. If the stars align, he will notice your new, improved self and might want to come back around to know that person, OR you will attract someone even better, more dedicated and willing to go deeper w/ you. Best of luck to you, and continue focusing on yourself. The right man will show up, as long as you keep trying and don’t give up after being rejected.
Kathy
If a guy tells you he isn’t feeling it after a few dates, I’d listen to him. Otherwise why would he have said it? Your girlfriends really don’t know anything.
If he did come back, it would only be for one thing. Please don’t go there..
Ollie
Well meaning girl-friends who adore you often give the worst advice and predictions when it comes to your love life. They are rooting for your happily ever after (as the should), but they seem to advise like your life is a perfectly scripted romantic comedy. Guys won’t follow their script, and you shouldn’t either.
I don’t think this guy will come back in any meaningful way. You deserve a guy who whole heartedly adores you. He will find you, and there will be no room for doubt. :)
Anne
If a really fine man asked you out, and then you blew him off, why would you suddenly contact him? Only if you viewed him as someone so pathetic, that they might entertain your “hey, what’s up?”
Emma
I think that if a man said “he is not feeling it”, he won’t be back. Why would he? He already knows he had no spark with you. It’s his feelings, he knows how he felt. He would look for someone new with whom he’d be “feeling it”.
If there was any other reason than yes, chances are very high, but as someone said above, those reasons are almost never “good”, so you need to be very careful.
But if a man genuinely wants a second chance he is not going to send you the text “I am sorry I want a second chance” right off the bat. He would first try and test the waters, so he’d start with a hi how have you been, then exchange a few conversations, then coffee, etc etc. it is understandable because he doesn’t know if you’ve moved on, if you even remember him in any romantic way, he might be setting himself up for a rejection or an embarrassment, if you are with someone new for example. So if you still want him and he sends you are hi how are you text (but a little more polite than the example above), with more effort of course, then you can reply to him. But if you see that he is not trying to ask for a second chance, then do not set yourself up for an emotional trap of being his nurse or rebound or an ego booster.
Lane
Sorry, but your FRIENDS ARE OFF! What part of “i’m not feeling it” are they not getting? If a guy told me “I’m not feeling it” it would be ADIOS and good bye forever!
Your right, friends are wrong, move on.
Amy
Maybe he will come back and maybe he won’t. Please forget him and don’t waste your own time asking questions that don’t have an answer.
Lisa
I realize this question is a year old, but I’m dealing with this myself right now. I dated someone a couple of years ago. He was recently divorced after 25 years at the time. I felt we met each other at the wrong time. He wasn’t ready to make an effort into having a relationship, but he wanted to keep things light. Needless to say he felt things getting more ‘relationship’ oriented than he wanted, he cut things off. He’s been texting me here and there, off and on since then. Here we are two years later and he would like to see me. As mentioned above, he’s keeping it ‘friendly’ right now, but I get the feeling he’s going to migrate over to wanting to see me again. I’m in a quandary as to whether to go down that road again. I don’t mind us being friendly, but I don’t know if I want to take another chance with him and him dumping me again.
Raven
3 words = No Thank You
Emma
you might want to check the term “floaters”.
Men know that it is easier to get sex with an ex than with a ne woman. It is also easier for them to act like a-holes as well. No “new” damage for THEM.
It is easy to get elated when an “ex” contacts you, I’ve been there myself more times than I would want to admit LOL but in the long term it always ends up causing YOU pain. Whereas he’d be feeling like a king.
Besides keep in mind, chances are you are not the only one he’s been checking on all the time. He might be rotating women on a roaster, feeling himself sultan Suleiman LOL
A man needs to prove it to you that you are really special to him and that he is willing to do a lot of win you back (and actually do those things, not just say that he is willing).
Do not let some dork to float in and out of your life, boosting and pampering his ego, while causing stress to you. LOL
alia
Yes, they come back without fail, but it would have to be more than two or three dates, in my experience. If it was three dates or less, it would be a no.
Hortense
I know this post is over a year old but I am dealing with the same issue at the moment. We dated briefly and it was SUPER INTENSE. He walked away without even a by-your-leave. Blocked me every which way. I would get texts from google numbers and I knew his email address so things got heated and very nasty. I have a horrific temper that when ignited, is absolutely unmanageable. I decided to walk away for both of our sakes because it was taking a dangerous turn. Lo and behold! He texts me wanting to explain why he just disappeared. Wanting to give me closure. So he said. We talked, and he apologized profusely for hurting me. And we resolved to become friends because we really did have a great connection and rapport. Now he wants to reconcile. I would, but I am scared. He has been upfront with everything thus far and we are moving at a snail’s pace, a far cry from the first time around! But I still have my doubts. We’ll see.
Emma
“I have a horrific temper that when ignited, is absolutely unmanageable. ” – OMG, exactly what do you do in those episodes?
and what are “google numbers”? and how do you know it was him? I get weird calls too, and so do many people.
Raven
Be very wary.
These guys come back & then disappear again.JB
I’ve had this happen without the ghosting, amicable stop, but I can’t fall back into the feelings I had before plus not wanting to get hurt. Raven was correct and he did disappear again even though we dated again a few times…he had personal issues and as I suspected they were not resolved so I’m glad I didn’t get invested again…
Abi I
Funnily enough, I was seeing someone last year and things were brief but good and consistent. Then he slowly started ghosting me, so I then removed him off my social media and temporarily blocked him before not talking to him ever again. A year later, I randomly go on his profile (which I never do, honest lol), click on his story (his profile is public) and came off as quick as I came on. He then whatspped me within minutes and explained that his mum had cancer at the time which was why he went quiet. I was so shocked and felt awful but I understood as my own mum was diagnosed with cancer many years before she passed. He also apologised for leaving me in the dark and said that he owed me another date. I agreed but now I’m thinking about a few things…and what I’m going to say to him. I understand why he couldn’t open up but even if he just said “I’m going through something, now isn’t a good time” or whatever at the time then I would have been fine, but no communication is a bit red flaggy to me. I will see. I’ve been understanding so far, but I want to balance that with not rushing anything, taking things slow and maybe just halting anything romantic. But already we are talking again like no time passed. I will see.
Patti
You are lucky he was actually honest and spelled it out for you. A lot of people just ghost without a word, leaving you wondering what happened.
I don’t think he’ll come back around. Please move on.
Stef
Im having the same issue hence I ended up on this page.
I was talking to this guy for a month before meeting up because I got covid): so he waited until I got better
at first I was skeptical wether I would be interested but surprisingly he was very attentive and he would talk about literally anything with me, he never spoke about sex or tried to sugar coat anything, we had good conversations mainly getting to know about each other, he shared a lot of things, then we finally met up and OMG it was so awesome, we had a great time he said he was glad we actually got to talk for a while before meeting up, that night he was already trying to make plan s to see me but he was going out of town fro work so the week after he said keep open for dinner. he came back I saw him and it was the same a great night but we ended up getting intimate , we had sex. it felt right we both strong attrition for each other. after that night I didn’t hear from him for 2 days . I was freaking out but I remember his family was in town so I let it go. Keep in my I’ve never sent him a text , he is the one who always initiates contact. so he texted and everything was normal then towards the end of the week we had a conversation about high school and he told me his senior year he wasn’t happy because basketball wamsyt working out for him and he was immature and what not and I was like but look at you now and then he said ” theres a lot more room for me to grow , but sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough , I just think about how people I know , that aren’t as talented as me, are way ahead of me, and it drives crazy. Im not comparing myself but it hurts me.” so tired to tell him it was okay and that he should give himself credit and blah blah the next day he texted me and I took a long time to answer and he gave short answer that he was in the sauna , so I was like how long do you stay in there and he just answered with the time, so I just hit like to his text and left it open , bc what am I supposed to say to those short answers???? I was hoping he would text me since it was Friday I wanted to see him on the weekend but nothing ): its going to be 2 weeks now since that last text, and I did not reach out once, and he hasn’t either , and I’m just really sad I though he would I don’t understand my head is gong crazy, if he’s ghosting me , why ? or how is it possible. I never saw that coming from him, idk if he’s testing me since I never initiate contact but I don’t think that even matters , he should’ve wondered by now ??? is it that I got him feeling some type of way and he got bummed out about the subject that he wasn’t good enough? or what ? I refuse to reach out but I’m so sad and I have been having anxiety. so Im literally asking myself if he will come back ):Maddie
Stef, I’m sorry this happened to you. I don’t think you did anything specific to turn him off. When a man tells you early on that he’s insecure and feels he’s not good enough, he’s usually warning you of the truth. Because he believes he’s not good enough, he’ll then act accordingly (doing disrespectful things like being inconsistent or ghosting) which actually MAKES him not good enough for you. That’s his own problems that existed long before he met you and have nothing to do with you, so you can’t fix them for him. All you can do in general is be consistent and observe if the guy behaves consistently too or if he doesn’t and you end up confused. When it’s the latter, he’s not good boyfriend material!
I have had men come back long after a few dates, though it’s rare. But they never really came back any better than they left, and it was a waste of time reconnecting. A guy who is interested enough and also ready and able to potentially be a good boyfriend won’t ghost you for weeks without saying anything. A guy who does that isn’t emotionally mature.
You’re still young, and it SUCKS he did this, but it’s great he showed you he can go silent like that early on since guys are on their best behavior at the beginning. He’ll have time to figure himself out and grow up hopefully, but you’re probably better off letting him do that all on his own and finding a guy who won’t disappear for so long just because he’s stressed out or insecure. It doesn’t sound like that’s the kind of guy you’re looking for, so then it won’t make you happy to be with someone like that.
Also, this is an old thread so if you want more opinions or to give updates you should probably start a new one :)
tammy
what happened sucks. but if he can disappear on you just after you guys slept togther, is he worth it? he may have his issues and may not be a bad guy, but is this what you looking for? just let this one go and try moving on. i think if you walk down this lane there will be more confusion and heartache.
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