Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › Do you forget the people you have loved even of they were not your first?
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Maddie.
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Sara
You know how they say your first lover is unforgettable? Does this make your first lover more special than the people you will love next? Does this mean that you will forget the people that you love her if they are not your first love? Do you ever really get over your first love?
If you get back together with your first love and marry them in a matter of less than a year is it more likely to work?
Sophia
I feel your first love/lover is unforgettable, because it’s the first time in your life you feel such new and thrillingly wonderful emotions. That said, it doesn’t mean you won’t feel those emotions again with someone else.
My first love definitely holds a special place in my heart, but it can’t compare to the emotions and memories I have of dating, falling in love with, and marrying someone else. In between the two I had long term boyfriends who I loved but who didn’t work out.
I don’t think you ever forget people you’ve dated because you have memories of your time together. You just don’t think about them very often.
As for will a marriage to your first love have more lasting power . . . who knows? Life events occur that either strengthen or deteriorate bonds.
Maddie
Sophia is right that you will have life memories (just as you have non-romantic life memories about other things) but also won’t think about them often. Both my first lover and my first love, two different people, were toxic relationships. I never think about my first lover and very occasionally think about my first love out of idle curiosity, mostly wondering if his marriage worked out because I expect he never actually changed his toxic ways. I haven’t compared new partners to my first love in about 15 years, never stayed stuck on my first lover at all, nor been in touch with or kept tabs on either. (Lucky for me, my first love doesn’t really have social media and nothing pops up there with mutual acquaintances lol.) So, no, you won’t stay hung up on them forever *if* you give yourself permission to really move on, though it can take a long while to recover. Going no contact really helps, and time and experience can shift your perspective. And whether or not reconciling with someone will work depends entirely on what broke you up in the first place. Most people’s reconciliations don’t work, and when they do it often took a lot of time apart and growth on both sides to truly fix issues and not just repeat them.
Good luck in whatever you’re dealing with!
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