Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Does an gift early on mean anything?
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Maddie.
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Jess
So I started talking to this guy for about 2 months now, we started going out for about 1 month. We went out for dinner one night and afterwards he gave me a very thoughtful and expensive gift and said to celebrate 1 month since we start seeing each other.
Does giving an expensive gift mean something to a guy?
I’m only asking since it never happen to me before when seeing a guy before officially become bf and gf. Also we haven’t even held hands cause he wanted to take things slow or cause his shy I’m not really sure.
AngieBaby
Hmmmm. It’s a bit much so soon when you aren’t even official yet. Sounds like this is a guy who feels he has to buy love. It might be he likes you very much and he’s generous by nature. Or it could mean insecurity. Take note and keep watching what he does over the next 8-12 weeks.
KarinaDogLover
It could be he is very generous in nature and instead of being physical, he wants to show you his passion by showering you with gift.
Since you don’t know him too well, I would say just stay at the slow pace (that’s what he wants, right?) and observe him.
On another note, if it is an expensive gift that you think it makes you uncomfortable to accept since you two are not that close yet, you could just return it to him and tell him that is not something you are ready to receive at the moment. Ask him to keep it for later, not a month “anniversary” but like a 3 months or 6 months mark? Just a thought.
At the end, I think it is sweet he got you a gift.
tammy
dont think too much of it. its a sweet gesture. i have had men giving me exp perfumes very early on. now if someone gives jewelry and stuff like that then i would wonder.
Jess
He gave me the gift in our 3rd date, which was really unexpected but I thought he was very thoughtful. The gift is a nice jumper which cost a bit more than $100. To me that’s an expensive gift to give someone so early on in dating. I appreciate it a lot since he got it for me because I once told him I hate the cold.
After getting the gift though I feel like my feelings for him to going from 50% to like 80%. I just think wow!! This guy is really sweet and he even remember what I told him. But now I’m scare I’m feeling too much and that the gift does not mean he like me or want a relationship with me since he still keep a distance around me.
tammy
its the thought that counts, not price. it was so thoughtful bec he got you something you needed and had mentioned casually. :-) even i would feel quite nice if a man did this for me. just enjoy this feeling of having someone who is so caring.
Rox
Hi Jess,
Some people enjoy giving. It makes them feel nice that they did a nice gesture. I would consider it generous and that this is the type of guy he is. (Good sign). He seems like the formal type, expresses his feelings/care in action; hence, dinner and gift.Jess
He did make me feel really special, I’m growing to like him a lot. He seem like a gentleman and a very caring person.
The only thing I’m unsure of is when he suggest things for us to do like activities or go somewhere, but then that’s it and never mention again and we never end up doing any of that. There been 2-3 occasions like that now. I can tell his very comfortable around me and doesn’t care much about his appearances (e.g doesn’t shave and dress in his sleep clothes while video calling in bed).
Is this normal behaviour for guy around the 2 months mark of dating?
Lane
Jess, every guy is different, and all you should be doing is listening, watching, and observing him to see if his words, and actions, align on a consistent basis.
Men are notorious for saying things, like we should do this or that, and not do it as it feels good in ‘that moment’ but then that moment passes, and he’s onto the next. Actually, a woman should be inspiring him to do it, so if he asks “what you would like to do?”, bring up one of the one’s he mentioned, and say “I remember you saying you would like to do this, we should do it, sounds fun.” That’s how you build positive memories together, so they want to keep doing it with you, by inspiring a man to do it—a win, win!
Rox
Hi Jess,
Now it’s time to play your part. Tell him what you like, he can’t guess everything. You should say,”Let’s do”… , I really like going to “…”, etc.Regarding how he grooms himself, you can tell him hints like, I like when you just shaved! It is softer looking, or some kind of compliment to reinforce the behaviour. When people kiss, stubble and beards are kind of abrasive to the women’s skin. When you get there, it’s kind of like if a guy didn’t brush his teeth, you just don’t kiss him and they figure it out quick that they gotta be better groomed.
For the evening calls, you can say that you prefer that you just talk on the phone or say “call me before you get ready before bed”..Liz Lemon
I think it’s too early for him to be that comfortable. Just my opinion. You’ve been dating one month, right? Talking for two, but dating for one. The first few months of dating, he should be trying to impress you. That means grooming himself, and being proactive about taking you out on nice dates (that means following through when he suggests something).
But that’s only my opinion! It doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. Some people are not that concerned about their appearance. It just surprises me that he’s this comfortable after such a short time dating. Like others here have said, just observe his actions over time and see if he’s a good fit for you.
Jess
So I have casually commented on him not shaving and he said he hate beard as well but just don’t have time to shave it. I thought my comment will make him want to at least try and shave for our next date but I was a bit disappointed when he came and pick me up and still have a beard.
He took me to the movie this time. I assumed we might be grabbing dinner first but he was running late, then after the movie I thought he would grab a drink and just talk but he said he need to go home, so he just dropped me home after the movie. I feel like the date didn’t really feel like a date this time. When I mentioned that the dates felt a bit rushed, he just agree and said yeah sorry about that. His comment make me feel like it didn’t really bother him.
When he asked me when I’m free and what I wanted to do, I did take up your suggestion and said to do one of the things his mentioned before. He said yeh sure we can do that, I’ll confirm closer to the date. So now I’m basically waiting to see if we actually going on this date or not. He still talks to me everyday.
Since we started talking he have only ever said good morning and good night me once. Every other time it would be him falling asleep mid conversation and then reply the next day or started off the conversation in the morning with I’m feeling hungry or so what you doing today. I asked him once why he sometimes started the conversation off with random statement like lunch time or going for a walk. He just said that the normal good morning and how are you question is boring and people tend to give the same reply every time anyway.
Is this something I should be concerned about? Like how casually and chill he is?
Liz Lemon
I think the problem here is that you are uncomfortable with his behavior. You have a lot of uncertainty and questions over things that should not really be an issue. It’s not that he’s a bad guy or doing anything wrong, but you’re not happy with him the way he is.
If it bothers you that he didn’t shave, or doesn’t say good morning, or starts a conversation with a random statement– then this guy is not a good fit for you. This is who he is. If you’re not happy with who he is, he’s not for you.
If this guy were right for you, you’d be in the honeymoon period right now and he’d be making you happy. Instead you’re full of uncertainty.
AngieBaby
I’d say he believes expensive gifts makes up for lack of effort in other departments.
I’m with Liz. She nailed it.
Jess
I think you’re right. I feel I pick on him a lot and on the little things that bothering me and hoping he change. But that’s not right, I shouldn’t try to change him or hoping he’ll change how he is. He probably not the right guy for me if I’m not feeling happy now I might feel even worse later.
I just feel like I should just wait it out and give him more time. Maybe I’ll grow to accept him. His a good guy and I don’t want to throw everything away by being picky. Thanks for all your comments, it does help me navigate the situation better.
Raven
Maybe giving gifts is his Love Language…
Raven
Also… Maybe he’s on the ‘spectrum?’
Maddie
Raven, I suggested the same last time OP created a post about this.
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