Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › Does he fancy my sister??
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tobogirl.
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rach
I am with an amazing guy who’s everything I could ask for! Everybody who knows him says how he’s such a good guy! We have been together 4 months now and it’s all going very well and we are happy and loved up! He has met my mum my dad and you youngest sister.She is a very pretty girl and I am paranoid he may fancy her to!! He’s never shown me any signs that he did/does and it may just be my insecurities telling me he does but when I asked him if we look kind each other he said “she looks more like your best mate than a sister” how could I tell if he did???
Sin
Firstly relax. The more you think such thoughts, the more it will affect you and make you insecure. I am sure you are beautiful and I am sure the guy really likes you (Since he has met your family). What he said was reflective of the bond you and your sister share (I bet you’ll get along like best friends). So be secure, enjoy your time with your man and know you are beautiful! xoxo
Talllady
I suggest you work on your fears and not on trying to figure out if he’s interested or not. If he is there’s nothing you can do about it, and your lack of confidence will kill the relationship. It is also possible that he finds her attractive and does nothing about it. Your focus should be on healing your wounds of feeling unattractive, and not on watching out what they are doing. That is a path that get you nowhere. Really dig into why you feel this way, has she ever actually done anything to hurt you, or is this all in your head? Seems like a story you’re telling yourself, I used to tell myself the same story about my friends and the man I was dating
R
“He’s never shown me any signs that he did/does.”
There is your answer. x
Rach
I think I’m just going to come out with it and ask him! I will get my answer then I suppose! I will be able to tell by his reaction I hope!
Talllady
Why would you do that? It makes you look incredibly insecure. That’s the reality. is that your goal?
What exactly you hoping for? Because my guess is you have a very specific reaction you were hoping for. And that is, oh no honey you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. It is very unlikely that that is what is going to happen. Please be very careful about what you’re about to do especially when you know what your issue
Talllady
Oops, know it is your issue.
The only possible way I would even suggest sharing this with him is to fess up. Something like, you know I’ve been struggling this week, I love and adore my sister and she is so beautiful, it sometimes makes me feel nervous and jealous. I know it’s silly but it’s something I’m working on so I wanted to share with you
Khadija
If he is such a great guy and he has never given you a reason to think such a thing why are you going to ask him this?
This all sounds like your insecurites.
I’m sorry but asking such an outrageous question will do more harm than good. Take a step back and think what will this accomplish? What are you hoping to hear from him?
Rach
I think I will just never ever know unless I ask him! I won’t say “do you fancy my sister”
I will say it in a light handed way that he should be cool withKhadija
Why do you even need to ask him this?
You aren’t making any sense here at all.Talllady
You keep thinking that you can make the sound like you’re cool, and there is no way for you to do that. The reason why I know that is that your posts are oozing all sorts of insecurity. I go back to my original question: what exactly do you expect to hear from him?
Picture this: you’re having a nice dinner, and you say what did you think about my sister? Then he says, she seems really nice.
Or better yet, she seems sweet….or better yet… She is awesome.
What will you say then? Think this through.
Then all you can think about is what nice means. I promise you this line of questioning will never get you in a place that makes you feel better.
You need to deal with you first. This is a bottomless hole…
EM
I used to struggle with something similar when I was younger and I want to share something with you from scarleteen.com that helped me.
“Whether or not you’re going to believe me, I’ll be plain with you anyway.
Your lack of confidence and low self-esteem are ALWAYS going to be a WAY bigger impediment to “getting the attention,” and more importantly, to having great relationships with romantic partners AND friends…and most importantly, with yourself.
Most people worth your time notice confidence and solid self-esteem above and beyond all else. I say worth your time because, for sure, there are some shallow, surface-y people out and about in the world, people who view others as objects or conquests or trophies. For those people, how someone looks may well be all that matters, or the only real thing they notice, but trust me: you don’t want to be noticed by those people because they’ve got nada to offer you or a relationship, especially when you also consider that how we look changes over the years.
Someone only in it because a person looks one way isn’t someone who you’re likely to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship with.
There’s also little uglier than someone who just walks around coveting what other people have, having a pity party because they don’t see themselves as equals to others, and seething with jealousy. Really, you could have a zit that covered your whole face and it’s be more attractive than that stuff is. If you are being ignored by everyone around you when you’re with your friends, and are feeling the way you say you are, it’s likely showing right on your face and sending a clear signal to new people that you’re not a happy person with good esteem. When healthy people sense that, they do tend to turn the other way. Wouldn’t you?
Want to get noticed? Don’t be a sad sack when you’re out with your friends, or walk around feeling like some sort of ugly stepsister. Be the cool, dynamic individual you are, and don’t question that your worth is no more or less than theirs. Be warm to people, be friendly, and take interest in them. Enjoy yourself, and by all means, be sure you also get out without your same group of friends, too.
If you need some time to get your confidence up, and get over this insecurity about yourself with your friends, I’d suggest going out on your own now and then, too. You may be able to better learn how to accept yourself and feel good about you first without them right now and then bring it back when you’re with them. No matter what, it’s not sensible to suggest that your two choices are going out with one limited group, or staying locked in the house. You aren’t — or shouldn’t be — dependent on your friends to live your life and have social outlets.
If your esteem isn’t so great right now, one great way to amp it up AND get some new social activity is to do some volunteer work for a cause that’s important to you. Not only do you get to feel great about yourself for doing things that really benefit everyone, you also will meet other like-minded people, in a setting where you’re being competent, capable and kickass.
If and when you date, if you date a person of any kind of substance, what they’re going to be attracted to with you is your whole picture. What you look like is part of that, but only part, and you also have to understand that not everyone shares the same beauty standards. What’s “totally gorgeous” to you can be completely uninteresting to someone else. As well, the stronger our feelings grow for another person, the more little things we find about them that are attractive, stuff that has nothing to do with beauty standards, and everything to do with how we feel. My partner, for instance, loves my smile more than any other part of me, and part of why is that because when I am smiling with him, he knows I’m making him happy.
Certainly, most people find more than one person attractive. If your friends are cool, beautiful people, then a boyfriend might someday have a crush on one of them. So what? Being monogamous isn’t about no longer being attracted to anyone else: if it was, it wouldn’t be very meaningful. What makes it meaningful, when that’s what we choose, is that we or our partners are CHOOSING to be with one person — just because that one person is so freaking awesome — even though we COULD choose to be with others or find others attractive. Certainly, it can be hard for people to accept sometimes that their partner is attracted to anyone else but them, but that’s reality, and there’s nothing anyone can do to somehow make someone only be attracted to us. Even if we could, what would the real benefits be? Ultimately, it’d just mean someone was settling for us because they had no other choices. That’s not very exciting or meaningful. “
Boog
Oh my goodness. PLEASE do not ask him if he likes your sister. Please don’t even try to hint at it in a cute/funny/subtle way.
If the guy I was dating asked me if I liked his brother, I would be horribly offended and it would indicate to me that he does not trust me. If that’s the result you’re going for, then by all means, ask him.
EM
* above article was wrote in response to someone who felt that her friends were prettier than her and got all attention from boys
redcurleysue
I hate to tell you this but always in your life and in my life and in every woman’s life there will be females prettier that any of us. That is the way of the world…oh what to do…oh what to do??? Lol.
Well, we can walk around insecure and wondering if our BF/Husband is going to cheat on us or if they find something in us that surpasses skin deep beauty.
Let us take the reverse situation…you are with your BF…and Brad Pitt walks up to you and starts flirting…well you would be flattered…and it would be nice….but really, would you go off with Brad Pitt…no….why? You don’t know Brad Pitt…you don’t love Brad Pitt…you have no history with Brad Pitt…think about that really.
Looks are not everything…if they were 99% or women would not stand a chance against the beautiful women of the world…none of us would be married…or have a BF or anything…they would all be after the 1% and we would be alone. But all is not based on looks…there is more…much more that a man falls in love with.
Believe in yourself.
Rach
I haven’t asked him but I am going to try and figure out myself whether he does or not!
Boog
Good plan. And after you figure that out, you can move on to figuring out whether or not he likes the thousands of other attractive women he will see out in the world.
Please listen to the advice you are being given here. You CANNOT live your life wondering whether or not your partner is attracted to other people. You said yourself that he has given NO INDICATION that he does like her. Why are you doing this to yourself?? You are driving yourself crazy, and you are going to end up driving away any normal guy you meet if you keep these patterns.
Embrace the good in yourself!! Embrace what sets you apart from other people and what you can really bring to a relationship! There are ALWAYS going to be more attractive people in this world. But looks are not all that matter!! Seriously, give yourself and this guy a break and stop thinking about this. My guess is that if you put half as much energy into fixing your insecurities as you are putting into figuring out whether or not he likes her, you would be cured of this issue within weeks.
Best of luck.
Rach
I have a baby due in 7 weeks so my hormones are all over the place which isn’t helping,I don’t mind him finding other girls attractive that’s not the issue.its whether he fancies her and thinks she’s prettier than me
Khadija
Why are you so focused on your sister?
Has she stolen your boyfriend before or something?You have a child on the way and this is what you are spending your time worrying about? Plese calm down and get yourself out of this frenzy. I cannot imagine this being healthy at all.
I see so much advice being given here but, you keep circling back to this.
What do you really think this will accomplish?So what if he actually thought that? He is with you and not her.
talllady
Rach,
Do what you want. This is a lesson you need to learn on your own, and you will end up with no man over it. Best of luck…
What does it matter if he does? Will you pass him onto her, will you dump him, will this just feed your story that does not help?
Rach
Yes she has been with men that I had involvement with before and that really hurt
Kathryn
Is your boyfriend of 4 months the father of your soon to be baby? Sounds like more to the story.
talllady
Did she actively take someone from you?
Rach
No it’s not my babies dad,the babies dad left me at 7 weeks into the pregnancy,the guy I am with now is amazing,.i have known him 10 years
Rach
No my sister hasn’t taken anyone from me she just likes to have sex with guys that I had had decided with!
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