Does he have a lot going on, or is he just not that into me?

**Heads up, this is long!

I met a guy a little over two months ago on Bumble who came on really strong in the beginning. He texted constantly leading up to our first date, which was amazing and definitely one of the best first dates I’ve been on in terms of immediate spark/connection as well as discussing our dating intentions (we were on the same page). I live in NYC and he lived about 45-60 minutes away, but was looking to move to the city, so he had made the drive to take me out to dinner, and did it again three days later for our second date. I guess I should also note that he started a new job the week before. In between the dates, we texted–not constantly, but he still checked in everyday. On the second date we took some pizza and a bottle of wine to a park and then went back to my apartment to “watch a movie.” We slept together and it was great, and the next day he texted me and said that “the feeling was stronger” because of it. After the second date, communication trailed off. His 30th birthday was around this time, so we did talk, but it was mostly me initiating conversation. He would either take a long time to respond, or wouldn’t respond at all, but at the same time reply to my Snapchat stories. After two weeks of this, during which I tried to make plans for us to see each other again but nothing panned out (he would say that he was looking forward to seeing me again but not take any action to make it happen), I told him that I was getting the vibe that he wasn’t interested and that he should stop saying things like that and stringing me along if he had no intention of going on a third date. I added that he should correct me if I’m wrong. He told me I was wrong and that he was swamped with work and offended I felt that way after the great time we had. I apologized for offending him, said I was just expressing how I felt because I was confused, and he didn’t reply.

Two weeks go by with no communication. Throughout that time he often shared posts to his Instagram story of things along the lines of “I have to accept the things I cannot change” and “No one understands the pain of falling out with someone.” I didn’t want to assume those were directed towards me, but I kept it in the back of my mind. At the end of the two weeks, he liked a post I made on Instagram from my best friend’s wedding, so I took that as a sign that he was open to connecting again. I decided I would try and maybe react to some Instagram stories here and there to feel it out a bit, but then the next day he unfollowed me and that night shared something to his Instagram story about moving on. I decided I had to text him. I really felt something with him and didn’t want things to end in such a weird way. I texted him the next day and he responded in less than a minute saying he wanted to try again because he felt a strong emotional and physical connection with me too. We ended up seeing each other that weekend. I went over to his house and we watched a movie and hooked up four times, and I stayed over. It was honestly perfect. He also told me he thought he was falling in love with me, and I said it back because I truly do have feelings for him.

Fast forward another two weeks, and he’s moved to the city. We don’t have any communication aside from some Instagram story reactions, and I had texted him about a week after we saw each other saying that I was thinking about him and hoped he was enjoying his LDW, to which he didn’t respond. The night he moved into his apartment he texted me saying he wanted to see me, and asked if I was busy that upcoming Monday and wanted to go on a date. I said yes and I was really excited, because I was wondering how long he would wait to reach out once he moved. Again, no communication for the rest of the week, except for an Instagram story reaction, and then Monday rolls around and I still don’t hear from him. I texted him at 4 pm to see if we were still on, and he said “I forgot. F*** me lol.” I said “Ahh ok” and he said he was working on a presentation for work due at 9 am the next day, so I said no problem, good luck. I was gutted. He reached out a few days later asking what my plans were for the following week (this week), I told him, and he got back to me the next day with what worked for him. I jokingly added that he should put it in his calendar so he didn’t forget, and he responded with the eyeroll and pensive/thinking emojis. I said I was just teasing. Honestly at that point, I didn’t think I would hear from him. He reached out yesterday saying that he had to work late that night and tonight (tonight was the day we were aiming for), but that tomorrow night or early next week worked. So we settled on tomorrow night.

Takeaway is: I can’t tell if he’s just got a lot going on right now, or if he just isn’t that into me. He’s a lawyer so his job seems really demanding, and now he just moved, but I know actions speak louder than words and that his actions aren’t seeming like he’s really trying to impress me and stuff. I know he’s also been active on dating apps because he liked my cousin’s Hinge profile. I’m still active too, and I didn’t expect him not to be especially since he just moved to NYC, but I’ve just been getting in my head a bit and thinking, “well, if he’s really that busy, then why is he pursuing other women? Am I just an option or a backup for when he’s bored?” I’m curious to see how tomorrow goes (if it even happens), but also would appreciate any thoughts/insight. A relationship coach told me to give him the benefit of the doubt because this seems to be a big transition period for him, but at the same time keep the lack of communication and stuff in the back of my mind.