Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Does He REALLY Want Me in His Life?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 5 months ago by
tammy.
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Gabby
Long story short, my guy friend and I had a short lived romantic relationship. We realized we should stay friends, although feelings were deep seeded, we have reasons we cant be together… Anyway, he now wants to stay friends. I’m concerned my feelings are a bit strong, but I want to make it work because we were friends before. Anyway, question is, I had told him ” I need some space, anything non work related needs to be left unsaid to make this process easier for me”. We spoke the other day after a couple weeks, he said, I dont like this new law you put into affect, but I respect you and care enough for you that I want to do what I can for you to be happy”.. do you feel this is genuine? I want to be friends, but is he going to be capable of being friends with me without feelings being involved either? Or do men just say these things?
Maddie
Emotionally mature men can absolutely make it work to be just friends, but only after everyone is over the feelings and processed and accepted it’s over. My concern here is he’s not mature enough, because telling you he doesn’t like your boundary (which you correctly stated, because it reflects your needs) but will begrudgingly respect it anyway is pretty selfish. I almost imagined him as a butt hurt child saying that to you when I read it.
I think he means what he says but you’ll need a bunch of time in as low or no contact as possible to get there so he’s really over it (not being that mature about it slows the process down). I’ve stayed friends with some exes over the years, some quite close, and there’s no funny business. It’s platonic on both sides, people moved on to other partners, and we’ve been friends for years and years. Being incompatible as partners doesn’t mean you should never speak again as long as you’re both on the same page and no one has a hidden agenda. If you do reconnect as friends and you continue to advocate for yourself by keeping healthy boundaries, you’ll also know after a little time if he’s sincere about it or not. If he’s not, he’ll either keep pushing your boundaries or making snide comments or disappear.
Gabby
Well thats just it, hes not pushing anything at all, which is making me hopeful.
Claws
You already crossed the line. You already did the hard work of asking for space successfully, why do you want to go back to the start again?
Being friends can work if he doesn’t see you as an attractive lady anymore. Otherwise, make your life simple by not being friends.
tammy
i think you guys need to take some time off from this friendship. then resume friendship if that’s what you still want.
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