Does he think I'm not interested?

Being “scared of their feelings” is something girls tell other girls to soften the blow and dance around the truth which is, he just not that into you.

Maintaining this kind of thinking, remaining in denial and trying to explain his reasoning for not pursuing keeps a person stuck.

Men are not women. They do not think like women. It’s simple–if he’s not contacting you AND spending quality time with you, he’s not interested.

I don’t quite understand what you mean here… “I’m still baffled that a guy would just walk away when he is 50 years old and older, because they aren’t interested.”

Are you saying because of their age they should just hang in there even if they’re not interested? I think a guy of any age walks away when he’s not interested. Why settle?

You know my boyfriend and I had a discussion when we got back together that he was scared of his feelings for me because my divorce was relatively new and I was/am really close with my ex husband because we have kids together. He said he was afraid to fall for me and have me go back to my ex. So I don’t disagree that they can get scared of their feelings for us after having been hurt before (his ex wife cheated on him) and walk away.

But the thing is, because of his feelings for me, he couldn’t STAY away. He was missing me and contacting me and wanting to see me. So the point is, if a guy is interested he’s going to pursue you. Like Jules says…he’s going to be contacting you and wanting quality time with you or he’s just not interested.

So, I took a chance after getting to know a guy I met on Plenty of Fish. Met him in person and liked him right away. After ourfirst date and a week of him pursuing me consistently but not scheduling our next date I called him on it. His response was he takes it slow. OK, I understand. We both said we liked each other. We did go out again after that and had a good time. Reached out to me thru txt after our second date but never talked about another date and his contacts got farther and farther apart. My last txt message with him was over10 days ago that I inituated and when he told he was going out of town to visit family. Didn’t know when he was coming back and I decided to let him go after not hearing from him after 5 days. Txt messaging can be so misunderstood. Then this discussion about men thinking we aren’t interested so they walk. Why pursue, he’s thinking.

Today I sent him a nice photo with something he would understand. Not realizing that he might think I left town for my job I sent another texting telling him I was still in town and I hope he is OK. He responded several hours later with a nice response. He was just getting back from his trip. We chatted for a bit via txt and he wants to make plans to do something. I told him I was leaving town soon and hoped we could. He goes back to work tomorrow.

Why did I do this? To honestly see if he wasn’t interested. Sounds like he is. He just takes it slow. Maybe too slow for most but let’s see what happens. I don’t want to push him but then again why won’t he schedule something. I’m going to give this a guy chance and learn his style of getting to know someone. I want to treat him like a friend with hopes it might lead into something more.

The thing with me is that I know the minute I meet a guy if I am going to be good for them. My issue is getting them to think the same way. Maybe it will work or maybe it won’t. If it doesn’t I won’t be upset. He taught me something about myself!

Thank You for responding ladies! I will keep you posted in case anyone is interested in knowing.

Out not put

I don’t think there’s any danger of this man “not knowing” that you like him. He knows that quite well because you keep contacting him and checking in, and even asking if he’s “okay”. From a man’s perspective this makes you look insecure, desperate, needy etc.

Why do you not wait for him to contact you? That’s the only real way you are going to discover if he’s interested or not! You’re putting out a lot of masculine energy (i.e. pursuing him) while at the same time acting like he’s the only thing in your life. This combo will drive men away. If you’re afraid of “ghosting” then you’re simply creating a self-fulfilling prophesy with this type of behavior.

There is nothing wrong with going slow and getting to know someone. At this point in your dating you should have absolutely nothing invested in him. It shouldn’t matter whether he’s in touch or not. Your job is to OBSERVE his behavior and see if it meets your standards (and if it doesn’t, then simply move on), but in this case you actually want to INFLUENCE his behavior. Do you see the difference?

@shanaya thanks! And yes it’s true, a confident woman who stays in her feminine energy is more likely to attract a good man. A woman who is insecure and chases after men is more likely to attract someone who only wants sex (player), or who lacks confidence in himself, or who is a narcissist. Healthy men who want a relationship run the opposite direction to women who act needy or who take on a masculine role. I wish more women realized that.

@Greenie: Absolutely. And I think all men sense the ‘needy/ insecure’ vibe from a mile. I was wondering if you know of any articles online that speak about ‘Masculine vs Feminine energy’ as I would love to read some material on the subject. In case you do, let me know. Thank you :)

@Greenie: Thanks a ton for sharing. Will go on to the website for the rest of the article! xx

I’m just a different female. All the men that insanely pursue me are all desperate. They can’t handle having jobs, give me a lot of BS with saying stuff like “you’re beautiful” etc etc when they don’t even know me other than FB and who are so focused on me vs keeping their life together it drives me crazy. There is no need for it. So, yes, I know the minute I meet a man that he will be good for me. It’s not insane at all. Each one has taught wonderful things about myself Why is that insane?

With the current guy, let’s see. This is a test. He works early afternoon to the following morning 4 days a week. He would tell me if he found someone else. I know that much about him. It’s good that he’s chatting with other girls. He should.

Hi Girl, I’m not sure if he’s not interested. We are friends right now. I think he would be good for me and he is keeping lines of communication open with me. I am ok with that right now. I am having a tuff time with seeing guys as the determining factor of our relationships. We are told they will pursue us endlessly. Really? I believe that sometimes that might not be the case. That is why I asked the question. So, I am now treating him like a friend and IMO I think it will be interesting to see how it works out. I am all about the adventure. Not the length of the relationship. Someday I will find him. Right now its this one.

I don’t know if you get emails from Eric and Sabrina from this site but Sabrina sent one out this morning. This is exactly what I am talking about. Treat them like a friend. I’m comfortable with this. Waiting and wondering is a waste of our time. You will get a clear “I’m not interested” if that is the case if you treat him like this. Ghosting doesn’t make sense to me. I think the guys who do ghost I don’t like the minute I meet them. I can sense they will do it so my radar says “no”.

A man is not going to determine my happiness. He will add to it!!

See Sabrina’s email below

~~

Sabrina Alexis here and I’m gonna reveal a secret that will help
you stay in control of your relationships and
make communicating with your man effortless and drama-
free.

We get tons of questions about why a guy didn’t text back, or
what a certain text means, or why a guy waited X amount of
days before calling, etc. I’ve been there and I know these things
can make you bonkers!

When we like a guy, it’s really exciting to hear from him and
incredibly frustrating when we don’t.

It’s human nature to try to understand things, especially when
they impact us so deeply, and it feels only natural to do some
detective work when we just don’t get it.

While analyzing everything that gets said (and is left unsaid)
may seem innocent, it can take an ugly toll on your
relationship, not to mention your emotional state.

Guys can seem pretty oblivious at times, but don’t be
fooled; they are incredibly skilled at picking up on
neediness.

When your emotional well-being rides on whether or not he
responds to you, he can sense it. He knows he has complete
control: you aren’t going anywhere because everything’s riding
on him. You need him to respond to you in a certain way.

I know it can feel impossible to gain control over your mind
when it only wants to focus on him, but it’s actually quite simple
when you follow this strategy.

Ready?

Treat him like he’s just another one of your friends.

Think about it.

You don’t expect to hear from your friends every single day.

And if you don’t hear from a friend for a few days, or if she takes
a few hours to text you back, you don’t panic and wonder if the
friendship is doomed and think your friend doesn’t care about
you anymore.

Instead, your thoughts probably go something like “hmm, I
guess (insert name) must be pretty busy at work, I’m sure I’ll
hear from her later.”

You don’t obsess and pick apart the last text you sent to her,
trying to find a hidden clue to explain why she didn’t respond.

You also probably don’t think and rethink, write and rewrite the
texts you send to your friends, carefully calculating every
punctuation mark and debating whether or not to use an
emoticon.

The e-mails, texts, IM’s and phone calls with your friends
require no analysis and result in no wave of emotions. They’re
easy, effortless and natural.

THIS is how you should approach your interactions with the
fellas. As soon as you ditch the drama and just let things
happen naturally, the mounting pressure in the relationship
that you weren’t even consciously aware of will dissipate.

You’ll also feel a whole lot better and more confident once that
guy no longer has complete control over your emotions.

I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it, nothing is more
appealing, intriguing and irresistible to a man than a secure,
confident woman who can be just as happy with him as she is
without him.

Give it a try and see how it works!

Recommended Reading: How to Stop Stressing About Your Relationship

Lots of love,
Sabrina Alexis

Oh sorry! He was very open and nice with me from the start. His last txt to me was very cute and he was thinking of me and a common interest we have. I responded. This is thru txting so misunderstandings can happen. After that txt he didn’t contact me. Not sure what happened. So I started reaching out to him. He is very nice, supportive and encouraging. So that is why I wondered if he thought I wasn’t interested.

The txt yesterday was very much like when we first started talking. I was paying more attention to him. I am going to let it go since he did not initiate an official date. He mentioned we should schedule something. He knows I’m leaving for a little while and when. I might reach out to him next week.

I think he is being cautious. He’s a cop! He’s been thru some crummy situations at work and was able to get out there again after taking some time from the streets. This was when we first met that he got back out there again. Bad timing since I was the first one he met from Plenty of Fish. His big hangup is honesty. So, I have to believe that what he is telling me about his schedule is the truth.