Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Does men care about a woman's virginity?
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 7 years, 9 months ago by
MaggieMae.
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R
I was a virgin when I met my first boyfriend, and he was the first man that I had sex with. I broke up with him recently, as I realised that he was emotionally abusive and often very manipulative. I began to think that he manipulated me into having sex with him on our first date…anyway, I don’t actually have any regrets. We had fun, and now it’s over for good reasons.
A few days ago I had sex with someone that I didn’t intent on having sex with. It was unplanned and unexpected. I could’ve stopped it, but I didn’t. Neither of us wanted any commitments at the moment, and I am not attracted to him romantically. Let’s just say we were both drunken fools and there was physical attraction between us. He found me attractive, and I was feeling very lonely after breaking up with my first boyfriend.
I do not enjoy casual sex, as I enjoy sex that involves loving emotions and commitment. I have no interest in sleeping with another man until I find someone that I really like, and can potentially be in a long term relationship with. Personally, I have no problem with having sex with a potentially long-term partner before marriage, and I think sex is an important part of any long-term relationship. However, now that I’ve had sex with 2 men, and one of them being a one night stand, I’m worried that men I meet in the future will judge me for it. I went online to find answers, to see what people think of women that has had sex before. From my research, there seems to be no in-between…women are either virgins, or sluts. I know that I am not a slut. I don’t actively and frequently seek men to have sex with, and I don’t go around and sleep with anyone and everyone. There seems to be no answers for people like me, who are willing to have sex with a committed partner before marriage, and do not engage in casual sex (aaahhh the thing with the second guy really shouldn’t have happened. At least he wasn’t a guy that I just met? We were friends before things happened…)
If I meet someone in the future and really liked him, and we begin a relationship, have sex, and the relationship runs it’s course and has to end….The number of sexual partners that I’ve had will start to build up. Will that be a problem?
Do men prefer virgins over experienced women?
Do men think that virgins are more respectable than experienced women?
Do men value virgins more than experienced women?
Do men care if a woman only had sex with ex-boyfriends/previous long-term partners, or is it just numbers that they care about? (what if I go on to have many different boyfriends? I know I have to choose my next boyfriend carefully, but I know that wrong judgements can happen…)
I think the main thing is…now that I’m not a virgin anymore, will I be regarded as less desirable or less respectable? I know that I am more than just my sexual experience and history, but I want to know how much this matters to men.Miss_Aspiring
Hi R, I think you’re being too hard on yourself. In today’s world, it is normal to have sex before marriage – even casual sex – for both men and women. I suppose perceptions might vary depending on the country and the culture – where do you live?
I think you should really stop worrying about this because most decent guys will NOT judge you negatively for being a bit experienced in the bedroom. Honestly, two sexual partners is a very low number in my opinion. And, when you meet a new guy, you have NO obligation to tell him anything about your sexual history. If he presses you for information (especially early on), that’s a red flag and means he probably only wants sex. A man who wants to truly get to know you and build a meaningful relationship will respect your privacy and respect you for who you are – not who you’ve slept with.
Algo
Honestly, any guy who has real.feeligs for you but wouldn’t consider yoi gf/wife material because you’re not a virgin anymore is not bf/husband material. You can do better than that type of guy.
g
I’m assuming this is a cultural issue, R?
Cee
I feel like I have read Something written by someone many moons ago. Times have changed drastically. Some men will slut shame until the cows come home and then end up falling for a girl that has lots of experience and has slept with many men. It depends on the man to be honest. Everyone has a past, if someone can’t overlook what you have pervious done then maybe they aren’t the person for you.
Raven
Your sexual history is no bodies business except yours…
Hannah
I think it depends very much on the country and culture you live in.
Raven
Again, Your sexual history is no bodies business except yours…
Mike
Raven will end up a happy single mother. Some men, like myself, are virgin Christian men. A good man with a very good career and it is important to me, not a game changer though. Hiding the truth would be, as that is a lie. What is wrong with an honest man, good provider that will also make a faithful husband?
Amanda
Mike is back. This time as a virgin Christian! LOL the same trolling….
R it depends where you are. In western cultures, you are def. not a slut. I think your plan to only sleep with men you are in a reltionship with is a good one, both for your sexual health and your emotional health. So you made one mistake, no worries it happens. A good guy will not judge you for it.A good man will prefer that a women doesn’t sleep with a guy too easily, but you are not that women. No man I know would care if a women had more than a few sexual partners, as long as it isn’t taken to an extreme. So don’t worry about it. And because you did have a one night stand, it is probably a good idea to get tested for STD’s though.
Love
I’m curious as to what sort of community the poster belongs to that this is even a question? Mennonite? Fundamentalist Christian? Most men couldn’t care less. Most men I have been with actually value someone who has at least a little experience and is in touch with their sexuality. I don’t know how old you are, but I think if you are in your 20s, most men would give pause if you were a virgin and didn’t have some experience. Either way, whether you are or are not, it’s nobodies business. Frankly, you don’t have to disclose the details of your personal history with anyone anyways. You are entitled to a private life. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone my ‘number’, no one really cares. And if they do, then you have to give pause as to whether you’d want to engage with someone that would judge a person based on something so trivial. Because it is. The number of men you have slept with is no real judgement on your value as a woman, has no real bearing on how in touch you are with your body and sexuality.
MaggieMae
That isn’t the old Dave/Mike. Someone is playing games with old posts today.
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