Does No Contact Work with an EX?

Hi Blindsided,

“He said that if we ever got back together then he would make sure that he fought for us… he knows that he didn’t do that before…”

I’m sorry, I may be totally wrong, but I don’t believe him. If he wanted to fight for you, what better time than now? Why not ask to see you as soon as you responded to him? Has he given a reason? I want to know where his actions are to back up his words. Take care xo

I love this website so much! You are all teaching me so much!

I’ve recently been dumped and have been having such a hard time with it it came so out of the blue. Then 2 weeks after we had one drunken last night together and hardly spoke since. Now I’m not contacting him at all, I know for a fact he still likes me but is just freaked out about it, or relationship, or the pressure or something I don’t know he doesn’t even know I think he’s so used to looking after no.1 he couldn’t handle it.
Anyway now I realise if I don’t contact him I have hope he may contact me when he’s ready?! I’ve been itching to call him or send him a txt or even the other day something happened that was an inside joke we had I wanted so much to send him a picture but stopped myself!

If he wants to contact me he will. And in the meantime I need to move on. Without this site I would be chewing my friends ears off and wondering what went wrong constantly!

Same kind of situation where I could do better (sounds awful saying it but he’s not the best looking guy I’ve gone out with and I’ve seen some of his exes, it’s just the connection we had I’ve never had with anyone before I’m still really devastated to have lost that)

You are all so right. They will reach out, they always do! X

I feel your pain. 2.5 weeks ago he asked me to go away with him I couldn’t. We were getting on so well. Then this woman pops up all over the place. So I asked who she was, 1.5 weeks ago, he got mad. Then we dropped it, all was ok. Helped each other out with a few things. Met to work together with other people, he bought me lunch, said he had missed me. Then the minute we were alone blindsided me. I dropped the usual flirty stuff and nothing just no response, and nothing since. He has liked stuff of mine on FB, but no private contact nothing. And this woman is still everywhere, but he hasn’t even said “it’s done for me.” Nothing. And I am also in a what do I do now situation. Have had the same things, things that would make us both laugh normally I’d drop a line and say ha ha, and the moment I picked up my phone to do it I had to put it down as I have no idea what is going on in his head. So do I tell him, this doesn’t work for me what is going on how can you do this one minute and treat me like we are nothing the next without even exiting gracefully if that is what you want to do. At the moment I am trying to stop myself from reaching out, but it is very hard. I want to answer one of our private conversations where I said “sorry for caring” and he asked “what do you care about?”, but we got on a difference tangent I never answered that, and I really want to finish what I was going to say and say “I care about you”. BUt at that time I was so at a loss I hadn’t wanted to loose face and say it. And maybe I should have done. Now I am lost. And I have carried on and I go out and carry on, but this unfinised business (for me at least) is there. So what do I do. I have not contacted him or written anything to him about us privately, but I really want to. And I want him, I really do, but I don’t want him to reach out ot me in 4 weeks, when I still want him if he did, and then go through the pain of do I…?. But I really want him. He also said to someone jokingly the other day “oh she scares me” in a joke and “my family really like you, they keep talking about you.” So is that it? I’d really like to know, this is not ok for me, but I have no idea what to do next to clear my mind of it and get closure. Also we work together so I have to pretend like I am all cool and everthing is cool and I don’t remotely feel it. So I totally feel your pain and if anyone has an idea about the closure thing. I am all ears.

He dropped you without a word? Ignoring your texts and calls? Screw him. Get angry and if you feel like it give him a piece of your mind. Whatever happens later it won’t be worse than what you are going through now.

He is probably seeing that other woman and decided that you don’t need any explanation.

It is very hard to move on from this. Some jerks do it on purpose, abruptly end everything, some even try to make it harder by saying something beforehand like making plans or confessing their emotions.

The main problem I see is that you are not ready to end things with him. He’ll throw you a bone and you’ll grab it. He’d reply with something like three words and you’d cling to that.

If you want to make it harder for him do not contact him and do not reply to him if he does contact you, and eventually he will. Stay in complete NC. ignoring someone is much worse than screaming at them. So give him his own medicine.

And I don’t know whether I am just being over dramatic about it, or my gut instincts are telling me I am right and can totally allow myself to feel this way.

I am pretty sure it is this woman, of course I cannot prove it. And he says she is just a fan who gets excited on his page…but I did look and he is liking stuff on her page the whole time too. So come on if she is just a fan why is he looking and liking. But then tell me right, don’t just leave me in the lerch. Things happen, life moves on. I’ll be hurt but this not touching what is going on… and if he didn’t remotely contact I’d be “ok, that really was the sign and he did not recover from our fight though he acted then like he did”, bastard and then walk and then the idiot goes and likes stuff with me and I am like WTF, you brushed me off in a very obvious manner privately last week, so you’re gonna like stuff on my page though. What because it’s work and others are involved who you know about so you are liking it for them or for me? I am so sorry about my crazy rant, but I have been going so mad and not knowing what to do. And I actually as you say I don’t want to loose him, and he is hyper sensitive, so I have to treat it with kid gloves.

Hi Everyone,
This forum is amazing. My story is long, so if you choose to read it, I thank you very much.
I met a man 3.5 years ago. Feel head over heels in love. We loved each other to the moon and back. Everything was awesome, we moved in together and I helped him when he was pretty down on his luck. Got him back on his feet and we were amazing together. Engaged to be married and planning a wedding. Fast forward about a year…this is where it gets really hard to continue my story.
I was accused of a crime, nothing drugs, violent etc. We went back and forth on if I should fight it, we live in a small town and I didn’t want my teenage daughter or my family to go through all the crap of living in a small town. So we decided I would just take a plea deal and be done with it. Well none of though I would actually be sentenced to jail, my lawyer was shocked(everyone was shocked) Not please keep in mind this was something I was accused of and basically got set up. I never took anything (which is what I was accused of.) He knows this as do my family and friends. But there was nothing I could do once I was sentenced. I went to jail for 8 months. I had work and child care release so I was out of the jail about 14 hours a day. I kept a full time job and did everything I could at home when I was there. He did so much for me. He was my rock, my everything and I couldn’t believe someone loved me so much.
So I have been home about 5 months and everything was going really good. I have a good job and working hard,he seemed the same person. Until about a month ago. He started to pull away and become distant with me. Then a few weeks ago after prom dress shopping for my daughter I asked him if he didn’t want to be with me anymore, he said he wanted to break up. I was shocked. I love this man with all of my heart. I have put myself in his shoes many times and thanked him over and over again for how much he did for me and loved me. So of course I begged and pleaded because I really really honestly with every fiber of my being love this man. But he is moving out in 3 weeks and I am at a complete loss. I don’t know if I should be trying to show him that I am still the woman he fell in love with, or just leave him be. I feel like about once a week I blow it by starting the “please don’t leave” conversation. I just want a second chance to try and work through his feelings and why he is feeling this way now. Honestly our life is good, what we went through sucked for sure, but we made it. We both have kids who are like family to one another.
Anyway I guess I know deep down I have to let him go and have some space. I just want to leave him with all our good memories and not the bad and I am not sure how to do that.
I would take any advise I can get. I don’t want to play games, I just want to tell him how much I love him, but I don’t want to be overbearing. I even went on one date, and it sucked, my heart is not in it.
I am sure many of you think I don’t deserve this man, but we have both been through hard stuff and helped each other through. Unconditionally loved each other.
Thank you for any help.