Does one have to pay to access webcam girls?

You think your husband is watching webcams?

Of course you have to pay. The whole point of a doing webcam work is to make money off the people watching.

To give some context to this. I was using my husband’s tablet to fill in some online forms and my laptop wasn’t working and some website called Live Jasmine popped up. To be honest I’ve never used these type of websites so kinda clueless as to how they operate. The extent of my knowledge is that they are live women and you can interact with them.

I want to make sure I’ve got my facts correct about what Live Jasmine is before confronting him about it. Not sure if he was just purely watching these girls, or it was something more than that. I did a bit of Google research and actually went on the website myself to see. It seems like you don’t actually need to pay you can just watch? But if you don’t pay the girls just sit there and do nothing and just chat generally like an internet chat room so I’m guessing he’s probably paying for it.

To make matters worse we have just had our first baby 2 months ago. He barely helps me at night with our little boy. To be fair he’s just gone back to work a few weeks ago after taking parental leave after our son was born so he does need his sleep, however he only starts work in the afternoon so he is quite capable of doing maybe 1 late night feed so I can actually get some sleep myself.

We had an incident a few months ago when I was pregnant where I found out that he was following and liking a bunch of Instagram models. Maybe he can justify that purely following and liking Instagram models is innocent, but interacting with webcam girls certainly isn’t innocent. I did have a discussion with him about it and he actually deleted his account at the time. Although he did try to shift the blame onto others saying that he got hacked. I actually said to him I’m not stupid. I’m aware even married men watch porn (porn I don’t have an issue with because you don’t interact with any people. It’s just a video). I was told “I don’t watch porn” which I know now was an outright lie. He must think I’m so stupid and have very little respect for me.

I don’t want to make any rash decisions without speaking to him first and finding out what the hell is going on here. Is it something that he’s been participating in only recently or is it something that he’s been doing the whole time we have even been together and I’ve only just seen signs of it now? Considering he’s not been honest about this behaviour in the past I will find it very hard to believe anything he says. I’m a pretty trusting person in general but once the trust has been broken it’s almost impossible to get back and that’s no way to live.

I just want to focus on raising my baby boy now so I really don’t need this. We are supposed to be saving money to buy a house so we canceled all type of subscriptions that we don’t need like Netflix, cutting down on Uber Eats etc and he’s spending money on this crap?

We have a joint account, but that account is not one you can actually make transactions with. It’s purely a savings account, which is how we set it up when we opened it. If he wants to change the way the join account operates he needs me to sign off on it as well so he’s certainly not using the joint one.

We do each have our own personal accounts, which if he is paying for these women is probably the account that he’s using. I don’t know how it works in the USA, but in Australia his bank certainly won’t give me any information about his account and the same would be if he was to enquire about mine. Might need to check an online bank statement to be sure.

I just Googled livejasmin…
Also do a Wikipedia search.

Hi Kim

Woman who occasionally watches porn here. One of the biggest free porn websites (pornhub) is really closely linked with live Jasmin, ads for it always appear as a new page if you open any video. So it might just be that he’s watching porn and what you’re seeing are pop up ads rather than that he’s actively engaging with webcam girls.

B

Hi Kim, I don’t remember your last post, but I think everything you’re asking is symptomatic of a deeper conversation that isn’t about the webcam pop up at all. It sounds to me like, since you had a kid, you’re both trying to figure out some things that aren’t working yet. 1. You’re getting overwhelmed by the baby and lack of sleep and want to respect that he’s working full-time, but you need to work together to find something that works better than the responsibility split is working right now. 2. You’re feeling insecure about your body and his desire post-pregnancy, and his history of seeming to prefer models with a very different (and less realistic) body type than you is making you concerned that he’s not satisfied with certain aspects of your relationship. 3. If he is watching porn, it is what it is, but please stick to free porn without direct interaction both for financial and emotional intimacy reasons. The issue in this third one is it being difficult for you to approach him about it honestly and without “accusation” because it suggests some distrust and mutual issues with open communication.

I’d definitely talk to him about these three things, and I would definitely not make it about the porn or confrontational, because that’s not really the issue that is getting in the way of your connection right now. It’s potentially a symptom, but the underlying problems that I can see are the ones I just laid out. I hope that helps!

Hi Kim,

Yes, B is correct. It’s probably just a pop up ad from a porn site.

If you’re married you should definitely be able to communicate these feelings to your husband. I’m married myself, but we don’t have a little one, so I’m sure that is adding extra stress right now. Definitely talk to him, and do it with love. Its OK to be vulnerable, you married him for a reason.

Hi Sam. It definitely has been overwhelming especially in the first few weeks with my little boy. Also my in-laws are staying with us at the moment so we don’t have a lot of time to ourselves. Thank goodness they are leaving soon, but that’s another story Lol!

I did speak to my husband last night and I just said I know it’s been difficult lately but I just want to know if you’re still attracted to me after my pregnancy, or even if he’s ever been at all. He said that he is attracted to me and he wouldn’t have married me if he wasn’t. He said he knows I’ve been very tired lately looking after our little one. I said I am, but I’d still prefer him to come to me than go looking for other sources. Also I said if he helped me a bit at night I would be less tired and it’d help a lot.

I had a C-section, so my obstetrician has advised me not to fall pregnant again for at least 8 months to give my body time to heal. He was concerned about that to. I said then we need to look into contraception because it can’t go on like this.

That’s great, Kim! It’s so important to keep the line of communication open. Be very proud of yourself, as it can def be easier said than done. PS- you’re a rockstar for living with your in laws on top of all of this lol I could never! Your husband sounds like a good guy, wishing you both the best :)

Just an update. I think I might be dealing with a porn addiction. I don’t want to be one of those wives that constantly monitor what her husband is up to online, but I really don’t feel I’m getting straight answers after my conversation with him the other day. I know it’s normal for men and even women to watch porn. Some even everyday, but his porn consumption seems to be excessive. He told me he can go weeks without watching it, but I can clearly see he can’t even go a few hours.

He also told me that he would like to be more sexually active with me, but he often doesn’t have the energy. He said he has little bursts of energy sometimes. It seems though that he has a high sexual energy everyday, a few times a day. For some reason this sexual energy is clearly not being directed toward me. He said he doesn’t have an addiction of course, but like with any addiction the addict may not always be able to see it for themselves and deny it. If it’s not an addiction I want to know why he prefers watching porn than being with me. I feel like I am competing with porn and I shouldn’t have to do that not do I want to.

Whether he wants to hear it or not. If he prefers directing his attention to porn more than towards me it’s a sign of an addiction. If he doesn’t think he has an addiction though he won’t go and seek help. To be honest it is mentally draining and I’m very confused right now. I think I will wait a bit to see if there’s been any change in his porn consumption versus coming to be. If not I’ll need to talk to him again. To be clear it’s not the fact that he watches porn that upsets me. I don’t care that he watches it. It’s the amount of it and the fact that I have been told he doesn’t have the energy. Well he does, but clearly not for me.