Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Does space and no contact make him miss you?!!!
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Jess
Ok so this is basically the hardest thing EVER, the no contact thing when he has asked for space, does it even work and is it not out of site out of mind!
I’ve seen a few threads about this and it is so hard missing someone but knowing you cant speak to them!
Amy
It definitely does!
DO NOT GIVE IN!
Paris
It happened to me, it’s hard on our part AT FIRST, but what happened to me. Since it’s hurt if your bf asked for space because it seems to me I’m not needed to be around him. I feel bad on this and while time passes by, I started to lose interest. When he came back, I feel something different on my feelings. I don’t miss him anymore. Not excited to take his call and reply to his text. Right now, I’m dealing with this issue but I’m trying to arrange things for the sake of our relationship.
Jess
Hi Paris,
Giving him space is just really hard right now! I miss him and i’m scared he wont come back but I told him we can call it a day to save the whole not knowing thing and he said no he just needs space to think!
I’m just trying to concentrate on myself for a bit!
Maria
No Contact does work, but it takes time, 3 weeks minimum.
If it is getting unbearable remind yourself of your pride. A guy has asked you for space and you will be chasing him? Where is your female pride? Where is your respect for him too?
Do not give in, stay strong. And when he does contact you, do not take him back immediately, make him realize he can lose you, make him work, do not have sex with him soon, make him wait. Try to turn the tables around on him. You need to change this dynamic where you are chasing him.
But I noticed that guys who ask for space are with women who feel that staying in No Contact is unbearable. I am making an assumption here but it is likely that you were probably suffocating him a little with your “presence” before he asked for space, you have a habit of over-communicating maybe? it is very hard to miss a person and also break your habit (for some it is an addiction almost). Recognize that, it should help.
With me, I did not have that habit of over-communicating, so it was only one part – missing him. But we broke up, nobody asked for space, we both had plenty of it.
So if a guy asks you for space, you need to reevaluate how you managed your relationship and why this happened. Were you too much? stopped being fun? was always available? is there a possibility he met someone new?
Just staying in No Contact will not fix things. You really need to reevaluate things, recognize your faults, and improve them. But the first week is not for this, the pain is too acute, so if you can just stay busy and not fall apart, this is already good. Week 2 is usually worse, but again, line up a lot of things, pamper yourself, stay out of the house most of the time, read a lot on this topic, week 3 is where you’d take your emotional power back and will begin to see things differently. Most exes come back at around 21-30 days.
Check out the resource called ex boyfriend “tt” recovery (the system won’t let me type the name so I had to break it up). It is VERY useful and will help you avoid mistakes if you are going to try to get him “back”.
Leigh
Paris, if you could look at why you miss him and see if its something that you can replace it with something else that might help. For example, I missed a guy when he wouldn’t talk to me because I enjoyed watching police shows with him. He is a retired cop. So, whenever I thought of him and wanted to reach out to him I would go watch the shows alone. I’d get more involved with police activities. My need for him changed and eventually went away because my passion is now for the entire group just not him. Suddenly more guys started showing up that I was happy to meet that increased my lack of need for him. After 2 years of me telling him I am done I don’t miss him at all. The last guy I met was a police officer but it didnt work out. That’s OK.. I love supporting them.
Just a thought. You need a new love interest.
Leigh
And let me say that one key characteristic of my guy is his profession, confidence and focus. Eventually I would replace the “focus” characteristic after awhile of being with him. But not in the first 6 months.
Jess
Hi Maria,
You are spot on, I was over communicating and the worst part is I know I was so now I am deeply regretting it. We had a talk on it before and resolved it but then it happened again and this time he wants space, he said he wants me to understand what he means by feeling suffocated and we both need time! I just hope he is dong this because he truly wants me to see that I cant be that way or ill lose him altogether!
Ive never been a needy person so I need to stop! At first I wasn’t clingy at all and he tried harder, I just hope it isn’t too late but then I guess he could have ended it rather than asked for space if that was the case!
Rose
It only helps if he’s really interested, if he’s not no matter what you do that won’t make him change his mind.
I wouldn’t bother holding on to someone that seems not to want me.
Do yourself a favor and move on, you will feel relieved and you deserve a chance to be happy with someone that actually cares.
Jess
Thanks Rose,
I totally get what you’re saying by if he really cares or not. I felt like he did because we’ve got to know eachother well and he even said during our talk before the space that we just click and it feels right. But then I suppose if it felt so right then why the break?! Either because I was acting needy or he just doesn’t want it anymore I suppose
Skylar
@Rose, so true. I stopped contact and guess what haven’t heard from him in 8 weeks cause he wasn’t interested obviously.
Jess
Hi Skylar,
It’s true it all depends I guess. How long were you seeing the person for or was it an official relationship?
Sensy
Try to refrain from fear based thoughts (being scared he wont come back) and have faith that all works out the way it is supposed to work out.
Ashley
I know how hard it is! In my experience, guys have contacted me anywhere from 10 days to 3 weeks. It’s really nerve-wracking waiting for it to happen but it always happens the second you stop thinking about them & when you desperately wish they’d reach out, they never do. It’s one of those weird things
WaitWhat
It really does work! But for me, it only works if I truly just work on myself for me and stop pouting around the house about him. Every single boyfriend I’ve had has done this. Some have included us getting back together, some have not. Hang in there. Take good care of yourself. You do you, as they say. :-)
Leigh
LOL!! Why did I rely on the post before me addressed to “Paris”.. my comment was for Jess!
So, in summary, start looking for a interest for yourself! Attach yourself to that and like the girls said above he might show up. But don’t expect it.
Good Luck!
Skylar
@Jess-It was a guy I was talking to for a few months that I met at work about a year ago. He pursued me initially and came on very strong because he said he was very attracted to me and I was very attracted to him. Hi lives in another state so we couldn’t meet up but were supposed to in December. We spent hours texting and talking on the phone and suddenly he stopped wanting to talk to me and it’s been 8 weeks since I heard from him. I guess all that time we talked meant a lot more to me than to him cause I really liked him. We both knew it was going to be a casual thing because of distance and other circumstances. All this time I’ve been thinking he’ll reach out to me if he notices I stopped initiating. Even though in the part he would initiate first and always want to talk to me. But I’ve lost hope now and think it’s been too long and he probably forgot all about me by now.
redcurleysue
Being close with someone does not mean being in their pocket. Men want you to have a life of your own without them. They do not want to be the only toy on the block.
Use this time to get a life without him. He wants you to see he is a part of your life not the center of your universe. When you call and text incessantly it seems like he is all you are thinking about and a man does not want that….it smothers them.
Many men want you to be independent….take the advice and have other interests that continue to take your time even if he comes back….do not solely focus on him.
Jess
Hi Leigh,
I have been focusing on other things and going about my daily life as I usually do but he is still stuck there at the back of my head which is what I cannot stand! I feel pathetic to be honest lol but I know its natural to feel this way. We have gone from speaking every day to nothing i’m just really noticing it that’s all.
I wont put my life on hold for a man but I am missing him terribly! Part of me wants to send a message and say look this being in limbo is awful we need to just talk! I wont though as he wants space.
@Redcurlysue – You are right, I think I started to become needy and its mad him panic a little, I need to stop that and be the independent woman that I am!
@Skylar – Men are just tuned differently it seems! Wouldn’t surprise me if he eventually got in contact with you but im sure you wouldn’t care either way now! It gets easier right lol!
@Ashley – It’s true, it always happens that way it hasn’t been long enough for me to panic yet but I keep thinking the worst that’s all!
MnMs
In my last relationship I was super needy and clingy. I basically moved into his student house after a few weeks of being together and would make him lunches, see him every lunch break while he was working, text him multiple times, call. I did *some* of this because he seemed enthusiastic about it too (like me moving in, when I would go to leave he would get upset and beg me to stay) but this all arose from me being insecure in myself and needing validation.
He obviously didn’t care because one day he just up and dumped me, no break, no ‘let’s have space and see’, just dumped there and then.If this guy you’re seeing has asked for space and has denied wanting to break up then I would say that is a good sign he wants things to work out. Although I don’t know for sure, but maybe he will come back, he just needs time to himself because things might have been moving fast and he’s afraid to lose his freedom.
If he doesn’t come back, then at least you are better off and will have learned from the experience like I did :) I’ll never make those mistakes again! (I loathe double texting now!!)
K
@Andy – I didn’t S*** all over him though if anything I had his back the whole time I was there for him it was just towards the time he asked for space that I could see I was acting a little needy and clingy.
@MnMs – I hope the space was so he could figure out his thoughts as I even said to him we can just forget it and he said no I just need thinking time! Time will tell, men are stronger than us I feel! He probably doesn’t even feel like its been a week! Well it hasn’t been a week yet lol
K
Its Jess but I changed my name to the initial of my surname ‘K’ because another Jess was in the forums, forgot to mention that guys x
P_Asohka
It totally works, the best part is you learn more about yourself too. Reflecting on just you a lone and not him, getting your routine back and your mind back on track. Us women tend to get emotionally attached to their lives and we sometimes forget ours. It takes time and practice to maintain both. I learned the most about myself from those giving space moments.
Lucy
Hi everyone,
I was dating my ex for a year and a half, long distance. He only lived and hour away but we had problems with parents letting us leave and stuff like that. He had pressure on him because for one, he couldn’t see the one he loved every day/week, and two, because we couldnt see each other I would spam him with messages and phone calls and tags and all of this other stuff. We used to call every night and when he wouldn’t answer, I would do the stupid thing of calling him a million times and by the time he did pick up, he would be annoyed and feel suffocated. As someone who never felt that in the relationship I was like “oh yeah I can be less clingy” but I couldn’t. So he broke up with me last Monday…. Tuesday morning I recieved “morning you ☺️☺️”, Wednesday was fine and we were being friendly, Thursday we were sending blushy faces and x’s. And he was saying stuff that was sort of getting my hopes up and making me more clingy. Due to being clingy I was spamming him again with calls and messages etc, then when it came to Friday night I did the same thing and he got so annoyed he said “if you message me again I will block you, you’re suffocating me”. It’s now the following Thursday and we haven’t talked at all since then. Everyone is saying to just give him some space, like a month or a few weeks or something and he will come running back. But will he? All I want is to have him in my life, even just as a friend for now, but because I had to stuff it up we aren’t anything. So what do I do? I really want him to come back and message me first but I don’t want to get my hopes up in case he doesn’t. We lost our virginityto each other and shared other big memories, so he can’t just throw that all down the drain can he? My three questions are:
1. After time will he come running back?
2. Would he be thinking about me?
3. Is giving him time actually going to work or is it just a saying to stop me from getting worried?Raven
What have you learned?
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