Does the fact that I can't stop thinking about her mean I have feelings for her?

I am sorry, but you are selfish. You know your issue and instead if fixing it, you are going to talk to her when you know already you will hurt her again?

I love you, I can’t stop thinking about you, but I have done none of the work needed and I can’t promise you I have changed. But I think about you often so let me unburden myself.

How about getting some therapy so you don’t do this anymore? If she is healthy she won’t sign onto this malarky. How about you do the work and then try to be with her?

Mark, reading your posts remind me of my ex-bf.
Although I have 90% moved on from him, it really hurt me back in time when I found out he really really liked me but could not commit since he always hang up on commitment. I had no choice apart from leaving and see if magic does happen in the future. We still care for each other; no in fact we actually love each other, but not enough to be with each other. So don’t lead her on, better not to see her. It won’t be pretty

The point is I want to fix it.

It is only fixed when you fix it inside you. Only contact her when you want the same thing and have a chance of giving it to her. Jesus you are a selfish jackass.

I am sorry to be so blunt, but this is all about you and your ego. She should accept your paltry crumbs and non ability because it is big? You have bigger issues that others, no you don’t. And if you do, go fix them.

If and I mean if you want to fix if, send her a letter and email and explain you are thinking about her and see now you messed it up and have work to do. Ask if you can contact her when you can give her what she deserves.

Then, contact her when you are doing the work…

This is your story with her:

A. You have a breakup, probably should not be dating anyone, but you need an ego stroke so you meet this girl

B. You date this girl, knowing you don’t want anything, maybe even lead her or on, or not.

C. She dumps you when if is really clear that you will not give her when wants

D. You date someone else because you feel sad – oh poor boy! So again, you are hurting someone else by massaging your ego, and you dump her.

E. You decide in your wisdom to try to talk to the other girl because you are in pain and instead of working on your new insight, you drag her into it.

How about fixing your problem which is thinking about yourself and your inability to commit?

Urgh, I am enraged at this bullhonkey.

Tell me 3 things you like about her other than being turned on by her and wanting to touch her like a pet…

Agree with all views posted in the latter posts starting with redcurleysue’s post… mark u very well know what she wants. but you still not sure what you want. in such a scenario its really not fair to connect with her again and give her hope, when you still are unsure. if you connect her hopes will be up and she will be hurt again when you again start showing signs of uncertainty. Its really not fair on your part. and if u really like her first sort out what exactly u want and need and only then approach her.

I know what I am talking because I have gone thru this and still suffering. known someone for 4 years. I walked out when I realised he wasn’t certain. and I told him so clearly. after 2 months he reconnected but only for my hopes to be dashed again. don’t do this please to her.

You are not hearing what anyone is saying!!! If you believe you have a serious problem that you can’t control you HAVE NO BUSINESS DATING! It is your responsibility to take ownership of your own health and well being so that when you go out into the work you can relate with other people WITHOUT HARMING THEM.

“Good people can have commitment issues too, and we sometimes do just genuinely meet soeone who makes us want to get over it because life without them…..well…just sucks.”

Do you hear yourself? You are expecting her to make you get over your issues rather than taking ownership of them and solving them yourself (with therapy). SHE IS NOT YOUR THERAPIST. you cannot go into a relationship, acknowledging you are unwell and expect it/her to fix you. that is your job. My god I have never heard of someone so delusional or seen such shirking/deflecting of responsibility.

Hi Mark,

Thank you for your post. I was waiting for a man to post about this topic. I do not think you are a bad person or a selfish one, however, I have been on the receiving end of this type of situation and I can tell you that sometimes it’s harder on the girl than the guy. You sound very very VERY much like my ex-bf, whom I still love and hope will be back with me at some point.

My ex and I were together for a solid year. It was amazing. We were amazing and we really loved each other. all of a sudden something changed and he broke up with me because it was getting too much for him and he needed some space. (he never mentioned any of this before). I was shocked. Everyone was shocked. And no, there wasn’t another woman. We were apart for about 4 months. During that time, I cried every day and I couldn’t understand any of it. He would text me every now and then and ask to hang out… and as much as I wanted to say NO or ignore him, I couldn’t. I loved him too much and I wanted to be with him. So every time we saw each other, we had an amazing time and I so longed to be with him even more. But he kept on telling me that “HE CANT”. “HE’S NOT READY”. “HE’S SCARED”. And multiple times he was crying when he would leave or when he would see me hurt.

In my head, I couldn’t understand how someone that looked like they wanted to be with me SOOO BADLY, just COULDN’T. I didn’t understand. But I still had hope for us because what we had was real and you don’t find a relationship that good. I kept hoping and crying and was depressed. I couldn’t date other people, I was miserable. He told me he couldn’t date other people either… and if he wanted to be in a relationship it would be with me. SO WHY NOT BE WITH ME THEN? I just didn’t understand so I cut off all contact with him.

After I told him that we cant talk to each other anymore, he came back within a week. He text me how much he just can’t stop thinking about me. And although we’d been apart for a few months, he’s wasn’t over me. He said that seeing me with someone else makes him sick. He basically said all of the things that you’d want your ex to say. I was so happy that he finally realized that we should be together. He said he’d like to TALK TO ME IN PERSON when he came back from his trip seeing his family.

He came back and didn’t initiate seeing me to discuss his feelings. I had to initiate it. And then….. CRAZY PART… he went back on everything. He began saying that ‘he was scared’ and “he didn’t want to hurt me because that’s the worst thing he’s ever done”… BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. I WAS SO ANGRY. How did 4 days change his mind? I was just furious.

But he tried to still be in contact with me…. He was honestly scared that I’d move on for good. It was just a bad cycle. But then he finally asked me out on a date and we started dating for about a few months before I wanted to make it ‘official’. I wanted to be his GIRLFRIEND. but he just wasn’t ready for a relationship. We acted like gf/bf, but he didn’t want to put that title on it which hurt me a lot. I felt like he was going to RUN at any minute.

So after ‘dating’ again for about 6months, I told him if we don’t make it official than I’m out. So he let me go. But…. he came back after a week and finally made It official. I was happy but I was just badly bruised from all the back and forth and still felt like it was forced. In the back of my head I always thought “when will he leave again”?

And after being in a relationship again for 3 months, he broke it off.

We’ve been apart for about 7months now and he will still randomly text me. I never understood it. It was 2 years of back and forth and I still only think about him and I still cry about losing him. Its hard when you cant understand what the man is going through.

My point is, don’t hurt her. Don’t go in and out of her life. I’m pretty damaged now and yes, I’m scared to start dating again because of my past.

I WISH I COULD UNDERSTAND WHAT THE STRUGGLE IS. Why cant you be in a relationship with her?

“Good people can have commitment issues too”
That’s like saying:

Good people can steal from others too.
Good people can do bad things too.
But I have to wonder if this is really a good person.

There’s nothing good about hurting someone else to fulfill a selfish need.

Just in case you missed it…..
…………………….. LEAVE HER ALONE!!!! …………………….

In this case, it really looks like you’re being selfish and thinking only about your needs and banging her again. If you can’t give the woman what she wants, which is more than just d**k, leave her alone so she can find a man who will.

goofy forum won’t let me post