Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Does this mean we are together?
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 3 years, 6 months ago by
Marie.
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Marie
Follow up to previous post. Last night we went to the movies with the guy I’m seeing for quite some time. We had a really good time, singing in the car and talking. I spent the night at his place and we talked about where this is going. I asked him if he wanted us to be together and he said yes. We both agreed that we don’t want to date other people at the moment and see how things go. I proposed open relationship but he said he’s not comfortable me sleeping with other guys and that if I do that, he’ll consider it as cheating and would hurt him. So I agreed to be exclusive. This is the first relationship I had so far or at least the closest to one. I’m not sure how things work after having this talk. I haven’t texted or called him since I left his place this morning. He asked my plans for tomorrow but he has a birthday party to attend so he suggested we meet before. Before leaving his place he said he’ll call me. This is the first time he mentioned calling me as we only contacted each other so far regularly but to arrange a date. We’ve been to several dates so far. He told me he loves how he can vulnerable with me and feel safe. My question is, after this talk, is it expected for communication to increase? He told me he’s not a texter and only texts to arrange a meeting but he prefers seeing me and spending time with me. Second question, I wasn’t calling or texting him much so does it matter at this point who initiates? I’m clueless on relationships and dating and any advice is appreciated as I’m also quite anxious and stressed person and tend to overthink things even when it’s not necessary.
tammy
enjoy things and go with the flow.
Raven
Yes, you two are together… Breathe
Marie
So he also thinks that? My friends who are in relationships call or text each other all day but I’m not the type of person to check on someone. They told me it’s a bit weird your boyfriend or someone who’s interested in you not calling to see how was your day and etc. He told me I can call him anytime but I don’t mind not hearing from him a whole day especially if we were together until this morning. I have this irrational fear often due to guys I’ve dated in the past who ghosted me or disappeared without a warning that when he says he’ll call, I might not hear from him ever again or he manipulated my emotions to his benefit which he haven’t shown a sign of doing so far. I have baggage from disappointment I experienced before but never reached this level of intimacy and is new to me. Ofc I don’t project it on to him but I’m afraid to experience it and enjoy it as long as it lasts without over thinking everything.
Maddie
There’s no flip that gets switched when there are label changes and things progress. The dynamic between you two is still what it has been, though now with more expectations of exclusivity. There’s nothing wrong with that, either. He sounds like he wants to be with you because he’s enjoying your relationship and the dynamic he already has with you. Which means, I’d expect more of the same level of communication or maybe some gradual increase in the future as your lives further intertwine (my bf texts me a lot more frequently about what food to buy us at the store lol), but I would NOT expect that because you’re exclusive now that his behavior towards you will change in any big or sudden way. It’s actually better if it doesn’t, because at this stage things should continue to be organic and natural and what feels right for the two of you. You shouldn’t be seeing major inconsistent behavior swings without discussion, even if it’s behavior you’d see as positive, because someone changing to meet some label expectation in the moment and not just being who they naturally are won’t sustain (unless they’re making deliberate and conscious changes they want to make for themselves anyway). It sounds like you haven’t told him you’d enjoy texting / calling more, so I don’t see why he’d suddenly do this, though it may naturally happen over time. If the relationship is working well for both of you as is, then work on being present and enjoying getting to know him better instead of searching for potential issues.
Marie
You are so right, I’m getting all over my head and should relax. I feel at ease with him and the whole situation. I should work on my anxiety and issues cause it might affect my mood when I’m with him and start enjoying less so I don’t want this to happen. I feel happy with this arrangement it’s true. So all good I guess :)
Marie
@Maddie,
Wanted to let u know that he sent me a sweet good night text last night, well that’s a first so this is what u mean to let it grow organically?
Thanks!
tammy
haha. well dont always go by what others tell you. trust your gut instincts. and how you feel. things are going well between you. dont let your anxiety ruin it. chill and just enjoy your time together. :-)
Marie
Haha yeah you are so right. I feel like a five year old discovering ice cream 😊 exciting and new and fun. Anxiety is not good for me I know that, I’m working on it and keep emotions checked , I mean I’m enjoying it but not rushing or forcing things.
tammy
enjoy this. all the best. :-)
Marie
Yesterday we were together in the morning, then went for a walk in the evening and ended up in my place having sex. He says that being in a relationship was the best decision. I’ve been calling him almost one per day to see how he’s doing, he doesn’t seem to mind that and lately he’s been following through leaving random messages sometimes. I’m massively over thinking this cause he told me he doesn’t mind me calling him but for example he doesn’t. I don’t mind reaching out but don’t want to overwhelm him. Is calling your boyfriend once per day too much? He didn’t have a relationship before so we are both inexperienced.
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