Don't know how to react.

Again, you have tunnel vision. All your focus is on him.

It doesn’t matter if you hear from him or not, because you need to step back and work on YOU.

And let’s say he calls just because he’s bored or wants to put in minimal effort until he finds someone else, or for sex, or an ego stroke?? That should not be what you want.

You HAVE to get your self worth from YOU. Not a man, and NOT anyone else. I’m not trying to be cruel, but I almost hope you don’t hear from him so you wake up and stop ignoring the real issue.

Because even if he calls, nothing has changed with you, and that means nothing can work in this state. I hate to see you continue down this same path and hurt yourself more, before you gather the strength and determination to do the hard work (the internal work).

But I think it’s going to take you experiencing deeper and more profound pain before you are ready to wake up, and stop looking for band aids (other people) to fix temporarily what is broken IN YOU.

You are mentally ill and don’t deserve to be happy.

Why do some people like “duh” have to be so hurtful on here and kick you when you are down? : (

Well, I think he has officially ghosted me. I really thought he was more mature than that but I guess I was wrong. When he texted me Tuesday night, he told me he would be on vacation for two days and be back Friday. Stupid me was thinking I might hear from him since it is Friday. I haven’t heard anything.

This has been the worst day ever and now I have to try and live with the fact that I am never going to see or hear from him again. My stomach is in knots and I have been crying and staring at my phone all day. I have managed to not contact him, though, which is unusual for me in this emotional state:

Someone please talk to me. I feel so alone.

Thank you for your kind words. I was seeing a therapist. He wasn’t helping and then I ran out of money.

How do I see myself as worthy if others don’t? How am I not supposed to feel bad when he just up and stops talking to me? How do I not take that as a sign that I am not worthy or interesting enough to talk to or deserving of an explanation?

I know I am depressed. Having this happen to me certainly isn’t helping.

I just want someone to love me. To show me they care about me. To be honest and consistent.

People need to stop investing themselves emotionally way too fast when you have only known each other a couple of weeks or months. People are fickle and you should never expect too much from them. Things can crumble even years down the track! Just learn to let go and enjoy it for what it was. Another person will be around the corner again and the whole thing will start all over again. Same advice – don’t invest too soon. Let it happen slowly and over TIME. You have your own life to be plugged into, with your own things to do and passions to pursue instead of wondering why a guy isn’t as interested anymore or why he’s becoming distant. If he’s doing any of these things you can’t take it personally. There’s probably stuff going on with the guy you don’t know about. So just let go and enjoy it for what it was at the time, no matter how brief.

Thank you for the suggestions/resources. I will definitely look into them. I know it is against everyone’s advice but I want to reach out to him so badly. Hearing from him would alleve my anxiety and make me feel as if I am indeed likable.

I miss hearing from him. We talked a lot. I just hate this so much.

Deena,
Do not contact him- there is a very good chance he will not answer a call or text you back and then you will feel even worse than you do now. And you will be giving all the power in this situation to him. Go for a walk and do something for yourself.

“I just want someone to love me. To show me they care about me. To be honest and consistent.”

– If you don’t love and/or value yourself first. How on earth do you expect to know when you are receiving that from someone else? You can’t. You have nothing to measure up to or have guidelines. You will be trampled over and over. Just because a man is nice and seems interested for a few months means nothing. Infatuation fades, people you date come and go all the time. In order for you to be truly happy with someone, you have to know what you will and won’t tolerate, that’s from really knowing yourself and loving yourself.

Deena, there are 3.5 BILLION MEN ON EARTH. 3.5 BILLION. You’ve gone out with maybe enough to count on one hand? Not even a drop of a drop of a drop. MEN, as a race, are NOT rejecting you. This was ONE GUY. Out of 3.5 BILLION MEN ON EARTH. There are other humans out there to have connection and great times with, and the longer you mope around this ONE guy who you feel did you wrong or dramatically rejected you,the less time you’ve left yourself to try meeting any other one of the 3.5 BILLION MEN ON EARTH. Perspective, dear. You need to get angry. At him but most of all yourself for giving this ONE GUY carte blanche over how you feel. You’ve known this guy for like three seconds, and you’ve given him WAY too much power over your emotions. F*ck that guy. You’ve known yourself much, much longer, so you come first, forget this guy. With time, when you’ve come out of this state, you’ll feel pretty foolish that you wasted so much on this guy.

So you discovered ONE GUY who was a d*ck to you. You’re going to meet more of them. We all have. And sometimes, you’re going to be a d*ck to someone, too, whether intentional or not. You’re not perfect either, we all make mistakes. You’ll break someone’s heart. And someone will break yours. Comes with the territory.

3.5 BILLION MEN ON EARTH!!!!

@Love, I know he is only one man in billions but it hurts just the same. I honestly don’t think I am going to get over this so easily as everyone thinks. I am way too sensitive.

We briefly texted on Saturday when he was back from his vacation. I asked him where he went and he told me. I asked him if he wanted to get a drink and he said he couldn’t do that tonight (meaning Saturday). I told him maybe some other time then and I haven’t heard from him since.

I feel so pathetic for asking him and being shut down. I have turned into a real loser in his eyes. If I would have just respected his space when he kept telling me he was busy, he would still be into me. I will never forgive myself for ruining things with him.

When he started to talk to me less all my insecurities and fears came out even though he tried to warn me he would be getting busy and not to take it personally.

I am so messed up. I will never be able to keep a good man.

@Deena: Sorry but this is why men call us women crazy. You can’t just continue to behave like this and hope the outcome will change.

I was in a somewhat similar situation like yours. He said he was going to reach out after a week. He never did and I’ve moved on with my life. I’m not going to lie, I’m still sad and deep down, I hope that one of these days, I will wake up to his text. We were talking to each other everyday for about 8 months, he initiated 95% of our daily convos, he never missed a day. But then he went through a period of time when he said he was so busy with work so he wouldn’t be talking to me as much anymore, and he would reply to my messages once he had a chance. So he still initiated but then he was pretty much gone all day. And then he went silent. I haven’t reached out to him since then either and it has been a month. I liked him a lot, I still do, but I do hope that he finds happiness too. Doesn’t matter if it doesn’t come from me, as long as he finds someone he likes, I’m happy for him.
What means to be, will be. Don’t stress yourself out. Live your life, enjoy the summer, and you’ll find someone else soon enough, I promise.

I do talk to other men. I even went out yesterday with someone but I just keep thinking I wish they all were “him.” I am always rejected by the men I like. It has made me hate myself. I am obviously the problem.