Dont know what to make of this…

I can’t think of much that’s more stressful than going home, being around family, and prepping for a job interview AND attending a funeral. Don’t take his texting habits personally when you know he’s busy while he’s away. You can offer some support the day of the funeral, and otherwise leave the ball in his court without overanalyzing anything. He’ll be back.

It’s also been a whirlwind of a 2 weeks! Don’t regret sleeping with him “too soon,” it’s already happened and it’s fine. But try to take a step back from rushing into the emotional attachment and investment because you don’t know him yet! Things sound fine so far, so what’s the rush emotionally? Situations that burn so intensely so quickly tend to fizzle out because there’s rushed investment without taking more time to get to know the other person and if there’s actual compatibility, and then building a more solid foundation leading up to the decision to make things official / exclusive. Take the time while he’s away and less in contact as a breather to focus on you and slow down what’s going on in your head with him a little bit. Hang out with a friend, do your own thing. Get in a good mindset to continue getting to know him and decide if he’s a good fit for what you’re looking for, rather than worrying about if his level of interest is shifting or not. Bonus is that being more secure in yourself and less micro-focused on him (though still interested in him) will be very attractive to him as well!

i think Maddie gave gud advice. chill and relax. hes away. no reason to believe he is doing a disappearing act. and yes if your getting anxious, try to keep urself occupied. to dont want to come across as a needy or clingy woman. but as a strong woman who has other things going on in life besides him. don’t push for more contact more calls more messages. hes away and may be busy. wait till hes back. hopefully he will get in touch and take up where you guys left off.but please dont let your anxiety and insecurity get the better of you. this behaviour might drive him away.

well atlst your acknowledging that due to the past, you could be sabotaging your present. you need to work on your anxiety, insecurity and fears. really speaking, we all dont know when what could happen can we? who knows what the future holds? hurt happiness failures achievements success disappointments all part and parcel of life. you have to get over your fears to have a better today. hes away and is busy. thats alright. u have a life apart from him as well. do your stuff. friends, family, hobbies, movies, workouts etc. so many things to choose from. see how things are when he returns. dont go luking for problems when there are none.

It’s only been 2 or so weeks since you met. You don’t really know this person, even though it feels like you do. So the wise thing to do is to stay a bit guarded, in the sense of not falling head over heels for, and planning a future with, a guy you barely know. It takes time to truly get to know someone, so much of what you know of him now is a fantasy, or him being on his best behavior.

You have to walk the line between being open and receptive and letting a guy get to know you (and get to know him), and totally letting your guard down and letting someone in who has not earned that privilege.

This is not meant to sound cynical, but most dating/relationships end around the 3-4 month mark, if they make it that long. If you browse this forum you’ll see many posts by women who have been dating a guy for that length of time, and everything was fine up until the 3-4 month mark. The guy suddenly decided he did not see a future with the woman. If you do some Googling about how guys fall in love, you’ll see that it takes them some time to really decide if they want to commit to a woman. He might not even truly know if he wants “the same type of commitment” that you do until he’s dated you for awhile. Many men don’t date to find a relationship, they date for companionship and sex, and they fall into a relationship when they meet a woman who knocks their socks off. Women are the opposite, they often go into dating with a clear agenda to find a relationship. If you just relax and let this guy get to know you, he may very well fall head over heels for you want want a long-term commitment. But you may not know that until you date for a couple of months.

So I think at least for the first few months, you should enjoy the guy’s company, get to know him, let him get to know you, but be mindful of the fact that this situation is a work in progress. Developing a relationship is a process that takes time. You won’t know the end result until you’re further in.

With regard to the specific details of your situation, I agree that going home for a job interview and funeral on top of that is a lot for a person to deal with. I would not take it personally that he’s texting you less. Just relax, live your life, and see if he picks up the intensity when he gets back to town.

So hes back in town. I let him readjust to the time difference so i didnt text him the first day he got back. He did finally text me good morning and other pleasantries. He didnt end up getting the job and was super upset about it. Which i totally get. I was planning on staying over but he told me he didnt feel like doing that tonight. To which i responded lets go get a drink and we can take your mind off of it. At first when i met up with him he seemed super pissy and i didnt know what to make of the attitude. I just hugged him and said “whats up!”. Someone had hit his brand new truck at his apartment…. ugh just another blow to his already crappy week. Drinks went okay and then he kinda invited me to have dinner tomorrow night with him and a couple of friends at his apartment complex. Im honestly not sure if he really wants me to come but why else would he ask me? Im think ill let it go until he really confirms the plans with me tomorrow. Honestly, i feel like im already putting a mental block on having feelings for him because i always end up the one being hurt. Ugh i want to let go of old things but i want to protect myself too. I do like him and want to give him the benefit of the doubt right now.

If he does ask me to have dinner with them tomorrow night, should i go?

Marie stop questioning everything he does or says. He invited you …do you want to go? It’s that simple. One question you ask yourself leads to a dozen more. I also feel you are focusing way too much on his life…his car got hit…he didn’t get the job…he is upset! I get it things happen in life but you pull yourself up and keep going. It’s ok for him to tell you his hard times but I don’t think it should damper the moment you spend with someone you are getting to know. If anything seeing that person should brighten your day. So do not mother him but instead be yourself and encourage him to keep moving along.
I have very little tolerance for self-pity but I am not without empathy for someone who is definitely having a hard time. I have also realized men do not like to be looked at as failures so don’t linger on there difficult time. However a man who loathes self pity constantly has deeper issues and that is something you need to ask yourself do you want to deal with that?

If he does ask me tomorrow to have dinner with him and his friends ill go. I dont think its a big deal meeting a couple of people he knows. He did also ask me if i would go away with him for the 4th of July but we will see if that plan pans out. I do want to get to know him but his attitude just put me in a bad mood last night. I want to be happy and chipper but its hard when someone is pissed off about how there day went.

You are so right Liz! Ill let him text me tomorrow about the dinner thing, and if not oh well! If i do end up going tomorrow night ill mention that i was able to get off work for two days if he still wanted me to go on the trip. If not no big deal! i have other things i can work on at home instead of going. I wont be mad either way.

I hate to break it to you, but this guy isn’t that interested. Who knows why, maybe he’s seeing other people, maybe he just changed his mind, maybe he has too much personal stuff going on.

A guy who is interested would follow up with you. He would make sure he made arrangements to see you. He would make sure he is regularly on your radar. It’s really very simple. It’s so easy when you’re with the right guy, he doesn’t leave you wondering if he’s interested. He shows it.

Please don’t text this guy, don’t do anything. Don’t ask about the 4th of July trip. He’ll reach out to you eventually– see what happens when he does. I suspect his interest is lukewarm at best. I don’t think you will have anything serious with this guy, I’m sorry to say. A guy with a serious interest would communicate regularly, show interest, and have a solid plan to see you again.

If you’re with the right person, the first weeks/months of dating are effortless- fun, easy, exciting– you both can’t wait to see each other. It’s called “the honeymoon period” for a reason. You’ve barely known this guy a month and he’s already making you cry! He makes you feel awkward. He makes snarky comments.

If a guy I’d been dating a few weeks said, in response to me confirming plans, “i dont know why you keep asking me these things. it makes me think you dont really want to do it”, I wouldn’t have even bothered to go over for dinner! But the bigger issue is you should not have had to confirm! He should have reached out and made it clear he wants to see you.

Forget about this guy. And definitely don’t cry over him. He’s not worth it. Yes, he was intense the first couple weeks you were dating, but unfortunately there are guys who are like that– they start out intense but then things go sour. You have to date a guy over an extended period of time to get to know his true colors. You’re seeing his true colors now, and he’s a jerk. You haven’t lost anything, you’ve just realized who he is.

i read the thread and i am not sure what to make of this whole thing. i think some where some how there was a gap in communication or some miscommunication. and i also feel through it all, you were just so insecure and sounded very unsure. i think more than him not being interested, just got the feeling that things headed downhill bec you somehow kept fearing that it will. i seriously feel more than this guy you need to work on your anxiety and fears. do you realise these things do get projected on to the other person? and no one wants to be saddled with anxiety fears and insecurities. it was just 2/3 weeks. and instead of being excited at being with him and meeting him, you were driven more by fear of losing him.

if you think objectively, at 2 weeks what would you luk for? fun, love, laovemaking, adventures, getting to know each other without any fears right? i think all along you mostly projected fear of rejection and losing him. and so u did. you kept fearing things to go wrong, and they did!

i think you need to work on your fears and anxieties and most of your issues wld resolve. you cant be this worried if you have known the guy for just 2 weeks.

@Tammy- oh for sure i have anxieties and fears of losing someone. But i think with him i already put up this emotional barrier to not get hurt. At this point i dont care if he stays or goes because i protected myself emotionally and maybe he caught onto that. He wasnt affectionate after he didnt get the job back in his home state and when i asked him about plans he was the one who didnt communicate.

I haven’t reached out to him because really whats the point? I tried to be nice sunday and reach out to him to no avail. He texted later that night “how was your day?” i just didnt respond. There are tons of men out there and im just kinda mad that i slept with him that one time.