Don't know what to make of this

I’m a similar situation, I definitely want to give the benefit of the doubt. Maybe there’s something going on in his life. I also don’t want to jump to conclusions or create a self-fulfilling prophecy for breaking things off. Advice appreciated!

I think that the current situation is making dating really difficult. There have been a lot of similar posts to yours on here recently with women worried that the guy is pulling away and not texting as much. I think its a combo of out of sight, out of mind and nothing much to say.

My opinion is that the normal rules do not apply right now. I would step back and let him lead. Respond warmly if he does contact you but do not initiate. Try and have a “what will be will be” attitude because really, right now I don’t see how anyone can really know what they want when the usual flow of dating is so hugely interrupted.

Guys don’t text like women. The guy I’ve been dating rarely texts and when he does its just a chatty check in or to ask if I’m free for him to call. We only had one date and texting daily would just feel like too much right now – too intimate and intense when we are at very early stages so a couple of texts and calls a week is enough to keep a connection until we can meet again and see whats what.

It’s not easy to sit back and I definitely was not always this chill. Its taken 2 years of me making every damn mistake in the dating book to get to a place where I’m dating in a healthy way, not fast forwarding to the future, not going all in immediately and not really giving any f**ks or investment in men who are not my boyfriend. When you can do this it feels so much more relaxed rather then stressing over when he text last etc.

Interestingly though, the guy I’m dating did say yesterday that he would like it if i initiated more! It threw me tbh. I shall do so but only 10% to his 90% I refuse to chase men anymore because when you do …. they run! The egg don’t chase the sperm springs to mind :-)

Thanks for the perspectives! On second thought, I do think I came on as quite insecure and maybe pushy, and I think it’s now caused awkwardness. I’m kind of kicking myself for creating issues when there weren’t necessarily any to begin with. Any thoughts on how to proceed? Would it ironically be more clingy or insecure to acknowledge and apologize for it days later, especially since we aren’t in something serious? I think overall this was something out of character for me, probably it was made worse by the uncertainty of everything right now. I hope a one-time thing wasn’t a complete turn off, and that he now doesn’t feel like communicating with me is burdensome.

Acknowledging the awkwardness will only make things more awkward. Don’t apologize.

I agree with everything that’s been said, in that the pandemic has made dating really difficult. It’s put budding relationships on pause and made it hard to get to know new people. There’s only so much you can talk about when you’re locked down for months, and has been stated, men bond through activities rather than talking. So I’m sure even if this guy is interested in you, it’s hard for him to find things to say after being locked down so long.

As others have stated, just pull back and let him initiate. Respond warmly and enthusiastically when he does. Don’t bring up the awkwardness or apologize, because it’ll just give the incident more importance than it deserves. If he’s interested in getting to know you, he’ll move past it. Lockdowns are ending in every state now so if it hasn’t ended where you live, it will soon. So let him reach out in the coming days/weeks and suggest you get together, and hopefully you’ll pick up where you ended off. Or, as Tallspicy suggested, you could suggest getting together to him, but only do it once. You’ll know his interest level once he is able to see you again. If he doesn’t make an effort to see you, you’ll know to move on.

I apologize for the repeated followups, my question would be that if the situations were reversed and I were on the receiving end of an insecure and reassurance-seeking exchange, I might actually appreciate an acknowledgement that they were pushy? Obviously, it’s a hard time right now, and it would make me more comfortable in seeing that as a one-off rather than thinking back and questioning if that’s how they just are. But that’s just me, for someone else, is that completely not how this kind of apology would be taken?

After my act of desperation, our conversations suddenly changed pace, from sporadic bursts to now a constantly ongoing but very spaced out communication. I’ve been just reciprocating, rather than being the one to extend or end the conversation, but now I wonder if he’s just prolonging it so we can talk for the sake of not being silent. I wonder if now he’s trying to humor me but at the same time keep contact to a low level. If this works for him and is a sort of compromise, then great. But if this is him calculating in a sense how to keep me from getting insecure again while avoiding conversation, I’ve definitely taken a step back and see why we don’t need this forced constant contact.

Should I assume this is just going downhill now, and that I messed things up? I wonder if this is something where he’s just going to view me going forward as not chill, even though up until now, and especially before the pandemic, I really think I didn’t have any issues with insecurity or anything like this.

I would say normally I do take an enjoy-the-moment attitude, but with the pandemic the uncertainty was starting to make me a bit stressed. Posting repeatedly probably makes me seem more crazed and desperate, but it’s been really nice to hear others’ opinions and advice and learn from them. Thanks for listening and offering your perspectives and experiences.

You’re way overthinking this! Just forget about it. Harping on it to this guy will just make you look insecure. Guys don’t ruminate over this type of stuff the way women do. Like Newbie said, the best way to get him to forget about it is to not mention it again.

I don’t see how this guy is humoring you into avoiding conversation. If he didn’t want to converse with you, he wouldn’t. It’s pretty simple. Does the conversation really feel forced and calculated to you? It may just be that after 2 months of lockdown, the guy is also starting to feel a bit overwhelmed and running out of things to say. And the last thing he needs is a needy, insecure woman making a mountain out of a molehill. Don’t forget that you’re not the only person being affected by pandemic uncertainty. You don’t know what’s going on in his head. At this point I wouldn’t make any assumptions about things going downhill. Just sit tight. Be responsive to him. Try not to overthink (easier said than done, I know). Hopefully you & this guy can see each other in person soon.