Dont know what to make of this…

marie its ok that you slept with him. pleas don’t beat yourslf about that. as liz said, he love bombed you and you just got carried away. and now that hes withdrawn your all confused. and i think sleeping with him so soon didnt help your anxiety. next time please be wary of such men.i always get wary of men who keep chasing so fervently or compliment me to the moon when i have not done anything to deserve such crazy compliments. just be a little careful from now on and take your time. just avoid this man and think that he came into your life to teach you things. chill and forget him. :-).

For what it’s worth, I’ve read psychology articles that claim the healthiest pace for dating a new person is seeing them about once a week, at least for the first month or so. You could Google it, I’m sure. It’s definitely not a good idea to rush into hanging out all the time with someone you just met. It’s too easy for your judgement to get clouded. Just consider this a lesson learned, and good for you for wanting better for yourself than some cranky jerk :-)

Honestly OP,

You are overthinking things. You met this guy very recently. You don’t know him. You have no empathy for him: he’s been in a stressful and disappointing situation about his job search.

You make it all about you. You cry over nothing. You should take a deep breath,pace yourself and just enjoy getting to know him. He did not act like a jerk. You did. You have unrealistic expectations.

Marie, you both went too fast, and like the saying goes “only fools rush in.”

I understand its hard when you feel like you ‘click’ right away but the problem is you really don’t know each other well enough to make a rational or logical decision because your hormones are running amok.

Proper pacing is an essential element to dating, as is maintaining your “feminine energy” which is not acting like the man but the woman. The woman doesn’t initiate she receives his texts/calls. The woman doesn’t plan dates, she waits for him to plan it. The woman doesn’t ask “what are we”, she waits for him to bring up that conversation. The woman doesn’t give up her power to properly select the right guy to be in a relationship with, when HE ASKS HER to be his GF. You are dating backwards, and need to correct it.

You were 50 paces ahead of this guy. ALWAYS be 20 paces behind because you need to carefully listen, watch, and observe them as anyone can be on ‘good behavior’ for a short bit (couple months)—its the time after that when the fake mask they wear starts slipping, and slowly begin revealing their true selves. He was pretender. Someone who can pretend to be a certain way (nice, cool, sweet, etc.) for a short bit but that’s not the real him. His mask started slipping, and began to reveal the side of himself that showed you he doesn’t cope well when life hands him a curveball; he gets moody/snarky; doesn’t keep his word; and is passive-aggressive by twisting things around to make you feel bad when you bring it up.

In the future, slow down. Don’t have sex until you’ve spent enough time together to get a true version of who he is, not the one they hide, over a good period of time (2 – 3 months) and only when they are showing repeated consistency, plus follow-through (say what they are going to do, and do what they say 98% of the time). The moment they stop, you take a few steps back to see if they step back-in on their own, if not, bye felicia!

Your sex hormones (oxytocin rush) drives you into an emotional tizzy, so it would behoove of you to accept that you bond too quickly when you engage in it. It would be best for you to keep it off the table until you have a lot more intel on a guy, and have built a pretty good solid foundation over several months to the point you feel pretty darn confident he’s *all in*—not half-assed in, like this one. When a man has one foot in, and one foot out, you keep both out!

Did he wind up inviting you on the trip after all?

You say you’re “supposed to go”….did you tell him you would go? I don’t quite understand.

I don’t think that going completely silent and ghosting him is the best response. If you are not going to see him anymore, you should politely let him know. Even if he was “rude and pissy”, you should be the bigger person and end it politely. It’s a bit rude to just leave him hanging, especially if you made plans to travel together this weekend (did you?)

I also don’t think you did anything wrong. This guy just sounds like a bad fit for you. It happens. Best to just wish him well and move on.

He has not texted me anything about the trip. I texted him Sunday asking if he wanted anything from the cigar shop because i was going and he said “hahah no thanks i have plenty.” wtf kind of response is that? I was being nice and offering. I have zero expectations from him. I have not reached out to him since Sunday. He never initiates phone calls but is able to text me. I find it weird that he and i have been talking / seeing each other for a month now and he never talks to me on the phone.

why do you find it weird that he never talks on the phone? I am dating someone for over a month now and it doesn’t bother me that he doesn’t call . I understand everyone is different but not everyone is into phone calls…
another thing is, he was love bombing you but I also feel like you are being way nice to him, you asked him if he wanted anything from the cigar shop? He is not your bf , he does not live with you, why do you ask him those questions? I am not surprised with his answer.
He seems a bit rude to me if I am honest, I don’t know how good looking he is and how quickly he find women but the fact that you met on dating site means he has got options probably closed to home .
He got what he wanted from you but knowing this type he will contact you from time to time to see if you are available when he’s got no other options.

depends what kind of person you are, if a guy treated me like he treated you I would ghost him, did he message you about the dinner or did you have to ask… exactly.
But if he does message you asking if you are coming to see him, then just say no sorry made other plans . you don’t have to explain yourself.

Too much drama for only a month of dating. You should be in the honeymoon stage and this is definitely not it.

He’s not toxic. He just isn’t a good fit for what it appears you need in a relationship. The struggle you seem to be in is acting like a girlfriend and having girlfriend expectations when you are not in a relationship yet. Again as others pointed out this is most likely just a compatibility issue.

I don’t see anything wrong with you asking if he wanted anything from the cigar shop but I do see a problem with you not understanding his response. He said no. No reason to read into it anymore than that.

Wish him well and move on to a man who will be more of a right fit for you.

@Liz Lemon – I wanted him to say “thanks for thinking of me babe, but i have way too many cigars as it is.” Something along the lines of that. Apparently, im always in the wrong and should just dating period.

Do not respond to the hello- instead begin to move on from this guy. He’s not asking you a question- if he asked a question or asks you a question in the future, you can respond- hey hope things go well for you, I’m not interested in anything further in dating with you. He at best is rude and self-involved. I would never talk to this guy again.

We all agree that this guy is not a good match for you and you should move on :-) As to whether you reply to his “hello?” text, that’s up to you.

regarding his reply to your text– you’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you start having expectations about how a guy “should” reply. Especially a guy who is not your boyfriend, who you’ve been dating a month. I actually don’t think you should have asked him about the cigars at all, I agree with Ewa that he’s not your boyfriend and it’s too early to start acting girlfriend-ish in that way. But then to have expectations about how he should reply, and get upset or offended when he doesn’t give the reply you wanted, is even more of a no-no.

Hopefully this is a learning experience for you. Beware of guys that love bomb! Rein in your expectations in the early days of dating. If a man is not your boyfriend, don’t expect him to act like it, and don’t get upset if he doesn’t treat you like a girlfriend.