Don't want to hold hands- Not feeling it!

Girl_Friday37: Yes, I know what you mean because I normally feel attraction very early on as well or else I just don’t. In this case I don’t know why I am confused. I thought I’d meet him a few more times and take a call as I want to also make sure that I am not stringing someone along. However considering what has happened has happened what would you advice me to do once he tries holding my hand today?

Oh my, I have yet to be in a situation where I had to tell someone that I did not want to hold their hand. But I have been in the situation where I loved hanging out with someone and absolutely loved their company yet I wasn’t attracted to them, and in my experience, the attraction never developed.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it can’t happen, just saying it hasn’t happened in my experience. I saw them more in the “friend” light. I believe that if there isn’t some kind of spark, attraction, sexual desire, call it what you want, from the get-go, then its most likely not going to be there after a few dates.

I wanted to keep hanging out with these guys as they were great company, could chat about anything, always had a laugh and always had fun, yet I felt no need to be physically close to them, you know that excitement you feel when they accidently brush against you or lightly touch your hand or shoulder. The anticipation you feel waiting for that first kiss…I felt none of it.

Perhaps tell him you feel that you guys are moving a bit fast and you would just like to take things slow, get to know him etc., that you are not ready for the hand holding as its too much like you are already dating and you are not ready for that. That you enjoy his company and would like to continue spending time with him and he just needs to be patient with you.

Anon: Yes! I hear you! I am feeling the same thing! This guy is a delight to be with and great company! I love speaking with him about politics, businesses, world economy etc etc but the moment he talks about something romantic I change the topic and can’t feel it. Normally I get attracted to a guy right away or I never do. Maybe this is developing into something like that. I guess like you said I have to be honest. I’ll probably tell him something like ‘I enjoy hanging with you but I think we should get to know each other as friends first and then see how it goes and friends don’t hold hands’. That way I have made it clear that I’d like to get to know him as a friend first. If he really likes me and wants to be patient and stick around he will.

Thanks a lot again! x

Anon: You nailed it! Absolutely correct. I think 6 dates is a reasonable time frame to evaluate whether you are attracted to someone or not and I think the approach where I’d say ‘I love hanging with you but I just don’t see you romantically’ is a great approach as you are neither hurting a guy’s ego nor giving him some BS about not being ready for a relationship or being busy. And you are correct when you said ‘The truth might hurt but the lie will hurt even more in the long term’. I think I’ll meet him 2-3 more times and take a call on this. Thank you for the brilliant advice :)