Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Drama in the Relationship
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 2 years, 11 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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Soul Sis_421
So I just want a little word of advice with my situation…my fiancé is extremely jealous and has made accusations about me with men and is overly concerned at times when I’m away for long periods throughout the day. It’s been quite frustrating for me because we’re older and I’ve been about to come and go as I please without having to be questioned. My ex wasn’t anything like my fiancé in that regard probably because we were basically coming from the same lifestyle. My fiancé was previously married and has a 9 year old daughter. I was single and never married with no children similarly to my ex. I hate to compare but I to give some clarity to the situation…I think this may play a factor in some of our disconnects.
So I’m frustrated with resentment because of his jealousy and tight leash because I constantly have to be immersed in his past. He has conversations with his daughter while we’re in the car and his ex-wife is in the background talking. He has a problem even that I have souvenirs from trips I’ve gone on with my ex.
Honesty Rocks
Well 2 things here. Men that control and are jealous in this way usually turn out to be abusive and the second thing men that are jealous in this way its usually because they cheat themselves. Has he rushed you into getting engaged at all ?? Sorry to be brutal but Im just being honest and you sound a bit unsure anyway. Are you sure you want to sign up for a life like this ?
Raven
@Soul Sis_421, you’ve posted about this before as @Sexy_Girl 123- Fiancé Drama.
You said you were taking steps to leave this toxic, ABUSIVE relationship.
Why have you not left yet?!
mama
Raven, I think it’s more common that victims stay in their situation. It’s unfortunate but not surprising.
That being said, and the fact this person is posting without being transparent about previous posts, and the fact that her previous post is pretty much the same as this one, I don’t think this forum can help her at all. She needs to seek out safe shelter and therapy. This is a dating forum.
AngieBaby
Ditto what Raven said.
And I’ll add, after the last post you made and got advice on, if you haven’t yet figured out that you shouldn’t marry this guy, nothing anyone says here is going to help you. This situation is going to get worse, not better, after you say “I do.” If you go ahead with the wedding, you’re likely going to wind up divorced not long after because the abuse escalates. Your life – make the choice. No point asking strangers anymore. Get out of it or be quiet and take the consequences. This man isn’t going to change.
Soul Sis_421
Well, I see everyone assumes I’m the same person as a previous poster. I’m not. I understand it may sound similar to someone else which was confusing for me to see with these responses but this is actually the first time I’ve been to this site and was told about it from a girlfriend of mine.
Raven
@Soul Sis_421, so then, I have a question…
Your fiancé didn’t just suddenly wake up a controlling jerk. Why did you say yes to his proposal?
Why are you still considering marrying him?
You understand what he is doing is not caring. It’s control & he is not going to change.
ANM StaffKeymasterModerator update: @Soul Sis_421 Yes, you are the same person as the one who posted Sexy_Girl 123. Please don’t be disingenuous with the community about your post history. It raises everyone’s suspicion levels very high when our visitors do that, and it’s one of the few things that has me swoop into a conversation thread and start raising my voice. (It’s not like people didn’t already know you’re the same person.)
I’ll be honest, I’m struggling to find a way to address you. I don’t want to blow you up but it’s not cool to straight-up lie to our community like that. These people want to give you advice and help you. Please respect that.
You’ve visited this forum before and posted several times, and you had mentioned an engagement to a fiancee several years ago. In the past, our community members pointed out that your fiancee is a problematic person and you should leave the relationship. (Years ago, you mentioned that he recorded your phone calls because he doesn’t trust you. That was one detail among many that paint a bad picture.)
You’re not unwelcome to post here. I totally understand that you want to be semi-anonymous. Maybe it’s very difficult to face the truth of your situation. But if you’re going to post here and seek advice, you need to be honest with the community.
All that said, if the situation really is how you’ve described it, I really think you need to seek the help of a professional therapist to guide you away from this relationship. Our community cares for your well-being, but an internet forum can only do so much. The rest is up to you.
(I’m leaving this thread open because I’m sure people have some constructive insight for the situation. Be good, everyone. Let’s remember why we’re here and not dogpile. <3 )
Raven
Thanks @moderator!
Liz Lemon
The fact that you are lying about having posted previously is very telling. It shows that you’re not willing to see things as they are and accept the truth. You know this guy’s behavior is wrong, or you wouldn’t have come here to post. He isn’t going to change. If you marry him, this will be your life.
I don’t know if your current fiance is the same one you posted about a few years ago who recorded your phone calls– but if it is, surely you can see how wrong that behavior is? And if it is the same guy, and you’ve been coming here for years to post about his controlling behavior– can’t you see that you need to get away?
I can’t really add any more to what the other posters and moderator said. You know this relationship is toxic. If you can’t break away, then you should seek professional help. There’s only so much strangers on the internet can tell you. We can’t force you to accept the truth.
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