Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Drunk on first date
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Ava
I went on a date with a guy I met online. We had talked for a few days before and we shared the same interests and we’re both in school going towards the same career. He seemed great so I agreed to meet him for a drink. We met up at this bar and grill and each ordered a drink. I had a beer (keeping it simple) and he ordered a mixed drink. I understand the first date can cause a lot of anxiety and nervousness, which is why meeting for a drink tends to work out best, but he then proceeded to have 3 more and became somewhat drunk. He wasn’t stumbling around or slurring but you could just tell he was a little tipsy. We were still having a good time and talking but I was kind of turned off at the fact that he’s getting drunk on a first date. Should I just write it off as him trying to loosen up, or should it be a deal breaker? I feel like we clicked in every other aspect I just wasn’t too keen on him drinking so much while giving a first impression.
Sherri
Getting drunk on the 1st date is a DEAL Breaker for me. What is yours?
Ava
Sherri that’s how I feel, it just sucks because we shared so many of the same interests. Except drinking. I’m all for having a beer or two to calm the nerves, but 4 mixed drinks was excessive. I feel a little bad if I don’t call him back though, because that was the only red flag I noticed.
Danita
I can tell from my experience and observation that this indeed an important aspect. I usually feel more comfortable with a partner that has the same style of drinking as I do.
kaye
Oh…no no! That is one of my HUGE deal breakers. And the funny thing is two guys I dated made the mistake of doing that on the first date even after they had asked me for my turnoffs and deal breakers and I had said getting drunk on the first date was one!! My ex husband was/is an alcoholic so I don’t cut any slack on that. My boyfriend likes to have a few beers or drinks several times a week but in a year and a half I have never once seen him drunk! It’s like Danita said, I need a partner with a drinking style similar to my own. Not too much but then not a tee-totaller who doesn’t want me to have a few drinks to relax either.
kaye
You should have your list of no-go’s and never lower your boundaries just because you and a guy seem to have some of the same interests. That’s where you get in trouble by ignoring these red flags early on. It’s a first date. Don’t feel bad for not calling him back. You’ll read how guys do it to the ladies here all the time. You don’t owe him anything just because you went out with him once. The most you should do is simply text and let him know you had a nice time but aren’t interested in pursuing anything further. It’s quite easy.
Hannah
If it’s a deal breaker and a turn off for you, you have you answer. I’d probably give him another chance in case it was just nerves but then it’s not a deal breaker to me.
I would be cautious though. Most people aim to give a good impression on a first date. I can drink a lot of alcohol without it really hitting me but I wouldn’t on a first date because it doesn’t look good! It’s also a bit worrying he didn’t match the amount you drank. That would make me worry he needed the extra drinks and has a problem.
Ava
You’re right, I mean if he was like this on the first date, imagine if I were to keep seeing him and this becomes an all the time thing. I don’t want to date someone who always has to be drunk to hang out. Then I feel like I’m not getting to know the real them. It’s funny because he actually texted me this morning and was like “clearly I can’t be taken out in public. Let’s keep that in mind for next time.” Obviously insinuating we hang out at someone’s house already. No thank you
Poppy
Ava,
At the end of the day, if it is a turn off for you and something is telling you that you don’t like that, why are you having to question it?
Everyone can have an opinion and I see why you are asking this question in case you are being ‘over the top’ but it falls down to whether you like it or not.
If you bring it up with him its likely to go one of two ways, he’ll think your ‘weird’ because it was only a first date or he’ll just go ‘ok bye!’ and you’ll be left thinking ‘why couldn’t I just do that’.Hope that makes sense, but go with your gut.
Poppy
Personally as well it doesn’t show he is very in control of himself, which in turn could mean he isn’t in control of other areas of his life.
I say this because I have experienced it personally :)A
I am a girl and I’ve been tipsy on my first date and even got really flirtatious that I made out with the guy on our first date…. I had a 2 year very intense relationship with him. We ended not coz of me but him being immature lol. I have everything under control in my life. Great job, very responsible, very independent. Yes first impression matters a lot but giving second chance doesn’t hurt. Could be anything that he wanted more drinks. I was way tooo stressed on my first date with my ex…. lots of running around, was working till late etc hence wanted to ease off. Judge people but always try to give them a second chance so you never regret that wish I had done this or that!
Hollie
A little tipsy – I would go on a second date maybe for lunch so not so much alcohol , second chances and see how this goes x
maya
I personally stay away from drinking plans. If guys suggest drinking plans I don’t usually go for that. Best is dinner….have a glass of wine with your dinner or meet up for coffee if you are looking for something serious.
Hannah
Ava I don’t see it like that at all. I think he was apologising for his behaviour. Lots of people I know use “can’t be taken out in public” to mean drank too much and feel embarrassed.
Amanda Rocks
I dont think 4 drinks is a ton and he wasnt slurring or falling about drunk. You said he was a little tipsy. A little tipsy is not a crime in my opinion. If he seems like a good guy then hes worth another chance. He may have been nervous and I think thats ok tbh. x
Tallspicy
Red flag, if you had one and he had 4, you cannot be on the same page and really connect…
Khadija
Well it all depends on how you feel about it. If you were in fact turned off I’d say no way.
Many moons ago I got drunk on a date and I learned quickly to stop at two drinks on a date.
First impressions are just that a first impressions you don’t get a second chance at that.Remember he is not the only guy out there. Go and meet others, you don’t owe him anything much less a second chance if you were not feeling it.
We’ve all been nervous on a date but getting tipsy is not a good idea.Shelley
Four drinks on a first date:
1) alcoholic
2) so nervous and insecure that he’s not relationship materialBen
Honestly if he had four drinks and held it together as well as he did, then he sounds like a man that can handle his liquor. Huge bonus.
Amanda
omg, yes its definitly a deal breaker
kaye
This post is over a year old Ben, I’m sure the OP has already made a decision on this guy by now!!!
Amanda
Old post but I would give him a second chance.
peggy
Ben-a guy that can” hold his liquor” is not a good thing-to me it means he is used to drinking copious amounts-a bad sign!
Stephen G
When a woman complains that a man drinks too much she is not concerned with his health. What she really means is this: “He spends too much money on himself that would be better spent on me. Also his drinking might cause him to lose his job and how would he pay for my stuff them”?
L
Stephen
You promised us you were going away buddy! -
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