Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Dumped over text and trying to move on
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 5 years, 2 months ago by
T from NY.
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Joanna
Hello ladies,
I’ve been with this guy for about 8 months and things were going really well. We work so well together and make each other very happy. Yesterday, he texted me in the most ice cold way that he wanted To stop seeing me. It was out of the blue. There had been a little distance between us coming from him in the week prior but I didn’t suspect anything strange. He said he loved me but didn’t see a future with me. I wanted to see him in person so he could say this to my face but he refused. I said so we are just nothing? And he responded “yes that’s what is best”. And “life’s not fair”, “it’s my decision let me be”. I mean the coldest treatment I have ever gotten not to mention I’ve never been broken up with.
I’m really distraught and heartbroken, how does one come back from a hit like this? How can someone say they love you one day and then ditch you. (We’re 24/25 btw)
Miss_A
Ouch. I’m sorry that happened to you. After eight months, you definitely deserved a proper, in-person breakup.
If this only happened yesterday, give yourself time to grieve and heal. Moving on is a process that takes time. It’s okay to be mad, sad, frustrated, etc. Take it one day at a time. Don’t rush to fill the void with another guy. Just focus on you and loving yourself for a while. Spend time with loved ones, doing things that make you happy.
As much as it hurts, he told you the truth. He doesn’t see a future with you. It’s probably something he’s been thinking about for a while, but wanted to wait until he was sure. That’s why it seemed out of the blue to you. I know that doesn’t help you feel better, but at least it can help give you closure. And it definitely doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Couples might be incompatible for hundreds of reasons, many of which we can’t even explain or put our finger on.
He was a jerk for not telling you in person (though – I hate to say – at least he didn’t ghost). Allow yourself time and permission to process this. It may take a while until you’re fully healed. But you’ll get there!
Joanna
I’m also going to add that my responses to his texts looking back we’re not what I would have wanted to send now that I have a clear head. I told him this wasn’t fair that I didn’t deserve it that I needed my own closure in seeing him and that I didn’t understand where this was coming from. I then wished him well and blocked him. Wish I could have said how much of a coward he was being and how terrible it was to do that to someone but I guess what’s the point in telling someone they did a bad thing to you when they clearly don’t care
Rook
Hi Joanna, if it makes you feel any better – you’re not alone. The person I was dating, sent me a similar text 2 days ago. No call, nothing – just a text.
I know how much it hurts but it is really for the better (even if you don’t see it this way now). You want someone who is crazy about you, not someone who sees you as a maybe, or not even that. 8 months is quite some time but think of yourself as the lucky one – he could have told you that after years! Imagine how you’d feel then.
This is your first break-up when you’re being the dumpee, it always sucks more to be on this side of the stick. That’s just life, sometimes we dump, other times we’re the dumped ones. It’s a new experience (and after a few weeks/months you will see it as a very valuable experience which will improve the way you date).
Best of luck!
Lane
Your young and I would really try not to be so serious so early in a relationship unless you date older men as the younger one’s are not ready to settle down, so when it gets too serious they run away from it. He *may* be ready in another 5 to 6 years as 29 to 30 is the average today of when men are ready to settle down, so I would expect that a lot of men aren’t going to take relationships as seriously as you do. They are just scoping out what they like and don’t like in a woman until they are ready to settle down, which is something you should be doing as well so you’ll know the kind of men you get on the best so to increase your chances of it lasting for the long-haul.
Your job is to choose the best man for your children. Seriously think about them, think about how he will be as a father, see how he operates around children, ask hard questions and see if he avoids it or is openly communicative. Your goal should always be looking for the best long-term partner who is supportive, a good father, doesn’t have bad additions, can provide well, and you have the least worries with.
T from NY
Joanna I am so sorry you are hurting. I want to start by saying – you did absolutely nothing wrong. I think it is fine to be serious with someone at whatever age if you feel a connection and they state they love you too. Heavens how would one stop themselves from falling in love when the heart has a mind if it’s own and if the man is consistent and kind with you for 8 months?! No way! Loving someone is never wrong if they treat you well and the circumstances are honorable.
But truly know this breakup IS A GOOD THING. Not the cowardly text, not all the sadness, but the gift of only being with someone who sees you in their future. He just showed you how immature he is. I’m so glad he did before you got engaged or became pregnant. It takes a long time to know someone, and people are betrayed or let down even then. Hopefully the awful way he broke it off gives you some insight into his character to not tempt you to take him back.
My dad always says ”We don’t get what we deserve in this life, we get what we get.” And think that’s true a lot of times. Rest up. Work on letting go of resentment and tend to the sadness and work on loving you. It’s going to take some time to feel better. But you will.
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