Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › During quarantine-does less communication = less interest?
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Amy.
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sk7
I know similar questions have been asked, but I’ll ask this specifically in the scenario of quarantining apart with someone you started going on dates with before quarantine. Also, due to other factors, we don’t expect to be back in the city we both originally live in for few months. We used to talk a lot, and now he does reach out but it’s pretty infrequent. These days, we just occasionally reach out if something relevant comes up, such as something that makes us think of the other.
I heard the reasoning that “if he really liked you, he would find something to say”, but does that change during quarantine? We’re both taking distancing seriously and are staying at home. Should I take the chilled off communication, like say can go 1 week or more of silence, as a reflection that he’s not as excited or maybe is indifferent towards whether we see each other again? From what I could see, he is less active on socials than I am, so that also might be it, as in maybe he is just talking less in general these days. And we’re not at a stage of being extremely deep or vulnerable with each other, especially over text, so I think another contributor might be that there’s not a lot going on to keep up small talk or have the conversations we used to.
I realize that even with some of my closer friends, I’m going quite some time recently without talking with them, and I still very much value these friendships and plan to continue being friends for a long time and I don’t think our silence is hurting our friendship. It’s just that there’s less to talk about. Maybe I should take that attitude towards this question as well? Or should I write him off and move on and not waste energy on someone who is indifferent about me?
Liz Lemon
How long were you dating before the quarantine? How many dates?
If you had only been dating a short time, or sporadically dating (like not seeing each other weekly) before everything shut down, I would say this is normal. It’s hard for us to say because these situations are really so individual. It’s true that as time in quarantine goes on, and you can’t do anything, it can be harder and harder to find stuff to talk about. But if you have a strong connection with someone, you’d be sending links to songs or news stories, movie suggestions, funny memes or pics– anything to keep the connection and conversation going. It’s easy to find stuff to talk about if you have a strong interest in someone.
sk7
I would say we were in the once-a-week frequency in person since the beginning of the year through right when spring started, and we kept up communication in between seeing each other. We used to talk a lot about events in our daily lives, and most of the common interests we had involved things that are now not going on because of the pandemic. I don’t know if I’m just making excuses for him, but I guess we didn’t really text about news/songs/memes etc even before. I’m also having trouble thinking of worthwhile things to send him, since I’m not sure if that would spammy or just one-sided. The last time we were in touch was a few days ago, when he sent something related to a reference to an inside joke/experience we had. Is it wishful thinking that it’s quality over quantity?
Liz Lemon
This is such a crazy and stressful time. Generally speaking I think we have to cut everyone some slack– ourselves and others. He may have stuff going on that you are not aware of. If he is reaching out on occasion and your interactions are of good quality (i.e. meaningful and personal, not just “good morning”), that’s a positive sign.
So from what you’re saying, you were dating for a couple of months before the quarantine. And now you’ve been separated for about 3 months, and you’re not going to see each other for a few more months? (are you college students or something of that nature?)
At this point, if I were you, I would just be chill about it. Be responsive when he contacts you, and engage with him in a friendly/positive way. But don’t overthink it or get too caught up in his feelings for you. Men bond through activities, not talking/texting. So it’s harder for him to bond with you if you are not doing activities together.
I don’t really know what you expect from him, if you dated a short while and you’re now separated for many months (you’re separated much longer than you were actually dating). Hopefully you can reconnect in a few months when you’re back in the same city, and pick up from there. That’s about the best you can hope for now, in my honest opinion. I wouldn’t say to totally write him off as a “waste of energy”. But on the other hand I wouldn’t put a lot of energy into it, either, if that makes sense.
Amy
It feels great as if you have found your ‘soulmate’, but agree with others that you need to meet him in real person. And guy comes intense will go away fast too – I feel that he doesn’t know what he want and it doesn’t bother him to have someone around. Texting you does not equal to investing in you; and you’d better not consider this as a relationship.
Sorry for being a bit direct, but hope you may think about this. All the best :)
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