Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Early stages too soon to tell?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 2 years, 5 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Amanda
I’ve been seeing someone (him male 28) me female 32, for a little over two months. We met through one mutual friend / coworker of his. We’ve been going out a few times a week and about 3 weeks ago established that we are exclusive. I’ve introduced him to most of my friends because it’s summer and there’s been a lot Of gatherings, as well as my sister who is staying with me right now. He’s mentioned me meeting his family a few times but has never fully invited me. He also hasn’t invited me to meet his friends, only met one because we were at the same bar one night. I have mentioned the meeting friends thing to him twice now in a semi joking way but he brushes it off saying “we always have other plans” which is not totally true.
At first it didn’t bother me because I didn’t want to rush things but the further along things go it’s starting to bother me. I would like to at least meet his friends and I am also having issues with his sometimes sporadic texting. Since there are no other issues or red flags, should I bring this up to him? Or just wait and see if things change?
A
You are not trying to rush things but it sounds like that’s exactly what you’re doing. You are seeing him 3x a week in the first 2 months. This creates false intimacy because you are together so much. In reality you know nothing about eachother. It sounds to me like he is thinking things are moving too fast and is getting semi freaked out by making up excuses why you haven’t met his friends or family yet. Why does texting need to be close when you are always together? He’s probably getting smothered. It’s up to you what you want to bring up in a new relationship, but pick your battles. Don’t act too needy. I usually don’t bring up small things in a new relationship. But other things that are bigger and bother me more I do. It’s important to have an open line of communication. If you don’t bring up things that bother you, it won’t change. Even if you do bring it up, it probably won’t change. You have to make a decision if you can live with these things he is doing or if it’s a deal breaker. Remember that people do not change.
Rules I live by in the first 4 months:
-Never initiate, or initiate every 1 in 5 times he does. I never text first, call first, plan dates etc. If he is interested he will reach out.
-Date once a week in the first 2 months. 2x/week for months 3-4, 3x week for 5-6, etc. That way you’re not getting too attached when you are still getting to know him.
-Constant communication is up to you. I like talking at least once a day (preferably over the phone) but I know some couples who talk much less than this in between dates and it works for me them. I never talk to anyone all day, every day. I like my have own life. If you meet someone and they say good morning/good night every day and want to text every 5 minutes, this is a major red flag. You could be a victim of love bombing.
-NEVER double text or call when he is ignoring you. For example: You call him and he doesn’t answer. 5 hours you still haven’t heard from him. DO NOT text or call him again. Let him miss you and reach out.
-Don’t be too available. I don’t care if you are at home in your pajamas on a Saturday night. Don’t let him know you are doing that. Ignore his Saturday night call. Call him Sunday morning and act like you were out with friends having the time or your life. It will make you more interesting. You don’t always have to play hard to get but do this every once in a while to throw him off. He will be craving you.
-And the biggest thing: DO NOT PRESSURE HIM into doing anything. Going exclusive, saying I love, getting a key, meeting family/friends, going on vacation together, moving in, getting married. You will push him further away each time you do it. He will come to you when he is ready to do these things. Be patient.Hope this helps!
Raven
Not meeting friends in two months?
Something’s up…Ewa
you are exclusive but not his gf, it was your choice to introduce him to your friends, so let him make his own decisions, he will introduce you when he is ready. Stop mentioning it and I can guarantee you, he will eventually introduce you.
Why is this such a big deal for you anyway? Maybe he is different with friends and doesn’t want you to see that side of his.Liz Lemon
I agree with A’s point that that 2 months is still very early in, and you sound like you’re spending a lot of time together. Seeing each other several times a week this early on is a lot, really. It does create a false sense of intimacy, you can’t rush that kind of thing– it takes time to truly get to know someone, and to get comfortable with them enough to introduce them to your inner circle.
Ewa also has a good point, you’re exclusive but you didn’t say you’re officially bf/gf. That may be another reason he’s hesitant.
Meeting his family 2 months in is premature in my opinion. Also, for all you know he might have issues with his family, or a difficult relationship. My bf waited a relatively long time to introduce me to his parents because he knew they would start nagging him about getting remarried (we’re both divorced in our 40s…and they do bring it up regularly, lol, but he’s ok with it now). He didn’t want to introduce a woman to his parents until he knew it was serious and could see himself marrying her. He explained that to me and i was ok with waiting. My point in sharing that story is that you never know what someone’s issues with their parents/family may be. It’s not always a reflection on you.
I agree not meeting his friends is weird, but given the fact that you’re pretty much glued to the hip with this guy, he may just subconsciously feel pressured or need space. I would back off completely for now and not make an issue of it. Give him a bit more time. He should officially make you his girlfriend in the next month or two, and at that point I think it’s reasonable to expect to meet his friends.
-
AuthorPosts
