Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Ended dating after 2 month
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Sensy.
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Elizze
Hello, I’m in situation that is eating me inside for quite a while now, and I need a place to vent and maybe see this from somebodys else perspective.
I’ve been dating this guy for about two months. He was messaging me on instagram months prior to our first meeting but never asked out, so we just chatted a bit. After first meet up we were seeing each other more like a friends. We chatted, laughted, been to a few trips, but neither he or I made any moves towards each other. He was always caring, initiang dates an really trying to see me. Fast forward after one month we started being more intimate, holding hands, finally kissed and slept together, and thats when things started to be weird.
He was seriously the definiton of hot and cold. One day we acted like a couple – kissing, holding hands, hugging. Then the next day we would hang out more like a friends with barely minimum physical contact. The conversations were there, still the same, but he just acted so weird. Besides that – nothing really changed, he was just hot and cold all the time. Finally one week he didn’t made the effort to see me any day, he just went to a party once, told me the day after, then was busy hanging out with friends again. I was just confused and so fed uo with his behavior that i did the worst thing I could at that moment – asked him what this is and where this is going. He told me he likes seeing me, and to him everything is okay. I pushed him a little and then he told me it’s to soon for him to get into new relationship after his last one. I said that I understand, and I know I can’t change his mind, but I’m looking for something more serious so we should part ways there and wished him good luck.
I wanted to end it there but i reaaaally liked this guy, I just couldn’t. I messaged him few day later asking if we could maybe meet up today. I wanted to apologize for an inconvience I made at his work, minor one but I felt bad, and just talk in person. He said he is tired today. I just thought “okay he doesn’t want to”, typed him “ok” and deleted the conversation. A minute later he asked if I am free the next day, which I wasn’t and said so, and nothing else. Then I he wrote me he will be at my place in an hour. And he showed, in a totaly depressed state. Like seriously, he was looking like he just lost his mother or something. I told him everything that I wanted, that I’m sorry that it turned out this way, but aia seriously like him and didn’t know what to do. He was just sayin “okay” ‘I understand” the whole time and pretty much nothing else. We just talked for a bit and he went home. And the story ends here…
Did I screw this up or he wasn’t interested in the beggining? Is there any way I can fix this situation?jay
it’s to soon for him to get into new relationship after his last one.———
if he said this, why did he sleep with you? it’s obviously that he just wants to have sex with you. he’s a jerk! I’m a man, I think you should leave this guy!
Elizze
Thank you for your reply, Jay.
I think he wanted to be close to me but was just scared. I don’t know what happened to him and his ex girlfriend, he never wanted to talk about it. And now i pushed it too soon and he just backed out. I don’t know if I should just give him space and reach out after a while or what…hs
you didn’t do anything wrong. you didn’t push to soon. you didn’t push at all
you asked him what he wanted. clearly he wanted it to remain casual. you wanted more, so you walked away.
that is absolutely the correct move to make
you want to know who never gets anywhere? cool girls. girls who just go with the flow for months and months and months and then finds out he’s seeing others, not ready, etc etc etc
now you’re free to meet someone who is as serious about you as you are about him
Ewa
if he wanted you , like really wanted you , he wouldn’t just disappear.
it is good that you asked and having your answer now, please leave him alone, because you deserve someone who wants to be serious with you
Elizze
So there is really nothing I can do? Maybe tell him we can slow thing down if he wants? Because obviously any kind of intimacy is off the topic for me right now.
hs
you can say you’re willing to slow things down
but are you? would you be ok with having sex with him tonight and tomorrow night he takes another girl on a date? would you be ok investing heavily into him, he remains casual, and a few months from now he decides to leave?
i don’t think your question is really can you carry on with the relationship, but can you do anything (like maybe take it slower) that will make him commit to you in the end. and no, you can’t change the way people feel about you
best set him free. should he at any point realize you were the best, he’ll come back
Elizze
So my best shot at this is cutting all the contact and hope for the best?
We will se each other in a month because of work anyway. Should I talk with him then?Ewa
my bet in a month time you will be over him anyway, so do as you like :)
but for now you need to realise you two want different things, and there is nothing you can or can’t do here to change his mind.
I think it would be a waste of time to even try because you will end up waiting on him while he is still exploring his options.
jay
Elizze, just leave him, it’s his excuse! you deserve better. His attitude is obvious changed after having sex with you.
Dangerouse
Offering to slow things down is begging. You are begging. Stop.
Khadija
He simply not ready to date after the last relationship.
There is nothing to fix.
Take what he said to heed and move on.kaye
You need to read the post “Do you think he will come back?” on the site today. It’s very similar to your situation in that the guy wouldn’t get physical early on. That’s a tell tale sign he is not emotionally available because he’s hung up on an ex. I’m with Khadija…exactly what do you think you can fix? His broken heart?
I know you’re hurting now but you’ll be hurting a lot more if you try to get him back and deal with his hot and cold behavior. It’s hard for women to understand that a man can have a physical relationship with you but can’t bond emotionally because his heart is somewhere else. And most decent guys can get sex just about anytime they want. Look at all the women on this site who have sex on the first date and don’t see an issue with it! But it’s WAY harder to get an emotional bond with a guy. And if you don’t he can seriously just walk away and feel nothing.
Whereas a woman can bond emotionally through sex and get really attached. While I agree it’s a little early to be pushing a guy as to where this is going after only 2 months, I think in your case it actually saved you some heartache. Because obviously you didn’t have the conversation about it being too soon for him to get into a relationship in the beginning.
You did the right thing, stood your ground, told him you only wanted serious and were willing to walk away. NOW you’re waffling and wanting to compromise and see him and hang out again. I totally get it but even if he did come back right now you’ve now gone back on your word and are indicating you are totally fine with the status quo, don’t need serious or even to be considered being in a relationship with him. Which simply means he can continue to do as he pleases, maybe even still in contact with the ex or sleeping with her and you will be fine with it!!! NO, NO, NO!!! You can’t convince a man to get into a relationship with you. Walk away and don’t backtrack on your decision.
Ianthe
I completely agree with everyone else and especially with what Kaye said about backtracking, which will put you in a very weak position indeed. Furthermore it does smack a little of desperation in that you’re willing to accept anything he’s willing to throw your way. You’d essentially be pandering to him and I can guarantee being in this position, even if you get the odd date or two, will not be a nice one! He’ll leave eventually anyway, sorry.
This guy has always sounded lukewarm at best and in fact I’d have bailed a lot earlier based on his wishy-washy behaviour. I also think the ‘relationship’issue could well just be an excuse for his lack of interest.
I’d quit now if I were you! No point in flogging an essentially dead horse.
Anon
I think that you are putting way too much blame on yourself. He is hot and cold and isn’t showing much effort why are you still chasing him?
You seem to know what you want and he doesn’t feel the same fight now for what ever reason and that’s okay. But you need to move on. Stop contacting him and apologizing for stating your intentions and standards it only makes you look weak. You want something serious that’s fine and that’s your right he doesn’t want the same? Good for him move on and stop trying to settle you’ll only end up hurting yourself trying to convince this man to be exclusive with you. Exert your energy elsewhere.
Take a break. Let him reach out and stop doing the most. They’re so many other guys who want to date and be married you have to leave guys like this behind if you intend on finding them
Paige
You shouldn’t be this emotionally invested already, it’s been two months.
Dani
Hi Paige — who are you to say how someone should feel after 2 months. Please keep your negativity to yourself.
@Elizze — I can totally relate it’s a hard pill to swallow when the guy we want is hung up on someone else. Especially after investing time into getting to know them. I have deleted my guys number and left as I am interested and want a relationship, I think that is all you can do. Calling and begging and allowing them to set the rules won’t work in your favor. I did that in my past relationship and the feelings for his ex never went away he ended up being hot and cold for 3 years and ultimately cheated on my with his ex.
I hope you find peace within yourself and no longer invest your energy into this guy. At least vent her, journal exercises but please don’t give him anymore power over your emotions!
Sensy
Elizze, at this point you know he is not interested in a relationship with you so you have to surrender and accept the situation. Are trying to squeeze a round peg into a square hole and it is only going to cause you internal frustration and will be a waste of time. Timing is everything and if you were meant to be the timing would have been perfect.
Sensy
Additionally…if you are chasing or feel like you have to chase, he is not the one… he is showing you he is not the one if you step back and see it for what it is.
;)
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